Yamaha Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 No, I don't. I simply assume that that's what women see based on how they acted around me, and it frustrates me because I know I'm more than that. You work out 2 get attention from women. It's up to you to change that carnal attention to respect attention by showing them who you are as a person. Don't be upset b/c they see you as just a body. Use it to show them you are MORE than your facade.
SmileFace Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Off topic - on topic I just say video of the run -- and I am so going next year!
january2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Hokie, if this is you. The real you. Embrace it. Live it. Love it. If it's not you. Then change into someone you're happier being - who will give you the results you want. You weren't always the way you are now. So, it's not as if personal transformation is something that you're opposed to or that is outside of your capabilities, motivation levels, etc. I remember reading, possibly on one of Erica's threads, that you decided to just "be awesome" this year. What does "being awesome" look like to you?
Author USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Hokie, if this is you. The real you. Embrace it. Live it. Love it. If it's not you. Then change into someone you're happier being - who will give you the results you want. You weren't always the way you are now. So, it's not as if personal transformation is something that you're opposed to or that is outside of your capabilities, motivation levels, etc. I remember reading, possibly on one of Erica's threads, that you decided to just "be awesome" this year. What does "being awesome" look like to you? I don't even know who the "real" me is anymore, or what "being awesome" is...I know that I have been basing what I *think* that is on external validation and feedback I get from others...which of course is a bad thing to do... I'm not sure what "happy" feels like...it seems like too fleeting a feeling to know for sure...
Author USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Off topic - on topic I just say video of the run -- and I am so going next year! You totally have to! It's a blast and quite a liberating feeling to run outside in near nakedness...and I think they're going to hold one in NY next year too...
Author USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Wait. Where did you put the numbers? You had no pockets. Hahah, it happened in the bar after the run... But I think it makes sense that people you meet whilst running in underpants aren't going to appreciate your other qualities. That's always been my experience at least! Yea, when I woke up this morning, I realized I was taking this sh*t way too seriously and expecting way too much out of it.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Anyway, I think you take yourself too seriously,you should just enjoy yourself and the activities you partake in-...and yes, you really need to work on your self image. Having a relationship( and maintaining one) with other people will be a struggle until you have a better relationship with yourself. I agree. It's hard to work on your self image when you're not even sure what that is...I've found that I'm too susceptible to what others think of me and will change myself based on that...unfavorable...
Author USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 And I realized I made some new friends from the run. I really shouldn't be complaining...
Jannah Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Ultimately, the run is for charity. If you raised money by running around in your undies, to help people, well then - that's all that matters. Everyone at the run showed off their stuff in the process, maybe in the hopes that it would get a few dates here and there.... No good deed goes unpunished, right?
Author USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Ultimately, the run is for charity. If you raised money by running around in your undies, to help people, well then - that's all that matters. Everyone at the run showed off their stuff in the process, maybe in the hopes that it would get a few dates here and there.... No good deed goes unpunished, right? Hah, true. I think there was an air of that going around...but the charity was incredibly successful, so that's all that really matters.
paddington bear Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I can imagine this, women getting all a bit over-excited over the hot guy - think of Twilight fans going crazy over Robert whatshisname...and I think that is what it is, a kind of hero worship thing, being a fan of some unknown person purely because you think they look good. Giving that 'star' your number = a little fizz of excitement 'wow, I got to talk to him' kind of thing - hence nothing happened, you were not real to them in a way (do you get what I'm talking about?) However, yes looks do play a role, but I think many women are won over verbally. I know I am. So, if I were you I would be more excited about having had x amount of women give you their numbers after you talked to them for a long period of time. In any case, nice ego boost!!! Take it as that and don't turn it into something negative. And now go off and use that body/looks of yours to reel 'em in and then keep them there by impressing them with what you've got to say.
january2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I don't even know who the "real" me is anymore, or what "being awesome" is...I know that I have been basing what I *think* that is on external validation and feedback I get from others...which of course is a bad thing to do... I'm not sure what "happy" feels like...it seems like too fleeting a feeling to know for sure... Hokie, this really surprises. Given how you present your life in general and what you do with it. The marine. The lawyer. The health and fitness guy. The guy who gives straightforward relationship advice. Are these not the "real" you? Why do you think that basing "being awesome" on external validation and feedback is bad? Because other people tell you so? In my opinion, "happy" feels like being injected with a shot of pure joy, where you can't stop yourself from grinning/laughing and being excited. And it's okay to have "happy" moments that are fleeting. As trite as it may sound, life is just a series of moments.
MrNate Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Hokie, this really surprises. Given how you present your life in general and what you do with it. The marine. The lawyer. The health and fitness guy. The guy who gives straightforward relationship advice. Are these not the "real" you? Why do you think that basing "being awesome" on external validation and feedback is bad? Because other people tell you so? In my opinion, "happy" feels like being injected with a shot of pure joy, where you can't stop yourself from grinning/laughing and being excited. And it's okay to have "happy" moments that are fleeting. As trite as it may sound, life is just a series of moments. In my opinion, I think he's running from his deepest desires. And is worried about what the consequences will be if he pursues them. I guess what I would say is stop running away, and embrace them bud. I think the moment you start to listen to your gut and not worry about what others think or feel, then you will without a doubt know what happiness feels like. The moment I stopped running and came to terms with myself, everything started to make sense piece by piece. Now I'm probably the happiest I've ever been. It's like a brand new journey. This guy is def my bro
january2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 ^^^ I agree. And need to put it into practice myself.
sweetjasmine Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Why do you think that basing "being awesome" on external validation and feedback is bad? Because other people tell you so? Because it creates instability and it messes with your sense of self. Just look at this particular instance. He got a lot of positive attention from some women, and that made him think, "I'm awesome!" but when he realized the numbers were fake, it made him feel empty. If you base "being awesome" on external validation, you're always going to have that up-and-down roller coaster ride because you're going to get different feedback from different people. No one on earth gets consistently positive feedback. Besides, most people who rely on external validation are much more strongly affected by the negative feedback than they are by the positive.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Because it creates instability and it messes with your sense of self. Just look at this particular instance. He got a lot of positive attention from some women, and that made him think, "I'm awesome!" but when he realized the numbers were fake, it made him feel empty. If you base "being awesome" on external validation, you're always going to have that up-and-down roller coaster ride because you're going to get different feedback from different people. No one on earth gets consistently positive feedback. Besides, most people who rely on external validation are much more strongly affected by the negative feedback than they are by the positive. Exactly...there are times when I feel on top of the world and truly do feel "awesome." But other times, like now, I feel like I'm better off cooping myself up in my room on the weekends and just staying in. I feel like I would actually be happier that way, like I was back in school. I just got back from talking with my good buddy and hearing about all his wild and crazy tales from last night and how I missed out on a great time. It just made me bitter and that much more set on going anti-social for a while.
MrNate Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 ^^^ I agree. And need to put it into practice myself. You know January, you're pretty cool..
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Hokie, this really surprises. Given how you present your life in general and what you do with it. The marine. The lawyer. The health and fitness guy. The guy who gives straightforward relationship advice. Are these not the "real" you? They are...but I've been trying so hard lately to be someone I think I should be...who I was before (I'm talking years ago before my first relationship and before LS...) is definitely not someone who puts himself in positions and opportunities favorable for dating...because I just didn't date...so when things go bad, I instinctually revert to my old "natural" state... Why do you think that basing "being awesome" on external validation and feedback is bad? Because other people tell you so? Maybe. I don't know. The past couple months have been quite the mindf*ck.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 In my opinion, I think he's running from his deepest desires. And is worried about what the consequences will be if he pursues them. I guess what I would say is stop running away, and embrace them bud. I think the moment you start to listen to your gut and not worry about what others think or feel, then you will without a doubt know what happiness feels like. The moment I stopped running and came to terms with myself, everything started to make sense piece by piece. Now I'm probably the happiest I've ever been. It's like a brand new journey. This guy is def my bro Hey Nate, it's certainly been a while. You're right about not running from my desires, but frankly, I'm not sure what my desires are anymore. One part of me wants a normal social life full of crazy fun weekends with my Marine buddies, but another part of me is bitter and jealous of them and just wants to say f*ck'em and do my own things by myself like I used to.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 If that is you in your avatar, you've got nothing to worry about. You seem to come from a feeling of self loathing and insecurity about your own body. That would make sense if you were a skinny nerd, like me, but you're a muscle-bound jock, and those types of guys do well with the ladies. I don't see the issue here...? Maybe these women can smell the insecurity off you, like fear, and that is why you're not getting anywhere? Because, I can tell you, women like guys that are secure in themselves - skinny nerd or muscle bound jock. The jock is bound to get more attention because of his body, though, and if you can back that up with intelligence, high self esteem, and high self worth and confidence blended with a great outlook on life and great sense of humor, you'll be swimming in babes sooner or later.
Kamille Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 He got a lot of positive attention from some women, and that made him think, "I'm awesome!" but when he realized the numbers were fake, it made him feel empty. To be fair, I think anyone would be bummed out if they found out the numbers they got were fake. And therefore I'm wondering if this whole crisis isn't just an inability to accept that sometimes, yes, we all strike out and, yes, it sucks. Especially when we had our clothes off. Calling a moratorium on social interactions isn't the solution IMO. Accepting that you're human and are having an appropriate emotional response to a let down seems like a better first step. It sucks! Anyone would feel bummed out if this happened to them. You don't have to be super human. You can feel let down and tomorrow you'll wipe the dust off your shoulders and move on.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 To be fair, I think anyone would be bummed out if they found out the numbers they got were fake. And therefore I'm wondering if this whole crisis isn't just an inability to accept that sometimes, yes, we all strike out and, yes, it sucks. Especially when we had our clothes off. Eh, one of the numbers turned out to be real. I got a text this morning apologizing for no response last night. I think fake numbers or women who never call back aren't really that big a deal for me. Calling a moratorium on social interactions isn't the solution IMO. Accepting that you're human and are having an appropriate emotional response to a let down seems like a better first step. It sucks! Anyone would feel bummed out if this happened to them. You don't have to be super human. You can feel let down and tomorrow you'll wipe the dust off your shoulders and move on. I think it's more bitterness and jealousy of the other guys...
Kamille Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I think it's more bitterness and jealousy of the other guys... I went back to read the thread and I'm not sure I fully get why you're jealous of the other guys who are out partying. Couldn't you have been out partying with them if you had been in the mood for it? What do you want to do? What are you striving for?
johan Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 What do you want to do? What are you striving for? I had a similar question in mind... What kind a guy would Hokie have to be in order to be happy with himself? Who does he want to be?
Author USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 I went back to read the thread and I'm not sure I fully get why you're jealous of the other guys who are out partying. Couldn't you have been out partying with them if you had been in the mood for it? What do you want to do? What are you striving for? Whenever I go out with them, I find myself just being a 'bystander' and the one who looks like he's not having a good time. It might be because I'm not trashed enough or because I'm not being socially aggressive enough, but oftentimes I have the distinct pleasure of standing there watching women throw themselves all over them and playing the proverbial odd wheel. So whether I'm out with them or just hearing about it after the fact, I get jealous. Jealousy leads to insecurity. Insecurity leads to a host of other problems.
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