Free spirit86 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I just need to vent yet again!!! I was doing so well during the day. I started thinking a great deal about traveling abroad in the summer, and I was getting excited about the future without him. As the day progressed, I started thinking about how I just want something serious with someone and I don't want to **** around. I ****ing hate him for taking it all way the way he did! I am back at square one, and although I see the positives, I just ****ing want to be in a relationship! I did the single thing and ****ed around and I thought I found someone I could be with!!! Sigh...I miss him so much right now.rrgggghhh!!! Just felt so casually dismissed. no big deal...****ing mean nothing in the end, right! feel so bad about some of things he said! Wrote me an email saying these exact words "Everytime I see your pretty face on skype...everything I told myself earlier about breaking up just disappears !!! so.... LOL" He is so hot and cold! I just feel so up and down. still so ****ing in love with him...I just want him to go away. I don't want to think about him anymore...
Raphael Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Hon, vent all you want. It's better than killing him!! I'm right there with you in what you're going through. I just got dumped after a 25 year relationship. No warning, he just picked a fight then announced he never wanted to see me again - right after he called me another woman's name. I suspect I'm quite a bit older than you (62), so let me be motherly to you. I know you're in a lot of pain right now, but you will not be in this much pain next week. By next month, you'll even be able to talk about it without crying or raging. It will take time to get over him, but get over him you will. And it sounds like he's someone you should get over. There are a lot of good men out there looking for good women. Don't sell yourself short - and don't jump into another relationship right away to fill the hole in your heart. It won't work, and you will short-change yourself and the new man. Give yourself time to heal, and during that time, reintroduce yourself to yourself. We women always seem to lose ourselves in our men, and it's so damn hard to remember who we were before the guy came along. Take some time for yourself, travel, write, talk to friends and family. Get a dog (that's what I'm doing), or a cat to pour affection on. Our pets always love us no matter what. Now, if I could just find a man like that, LOL. Hope this helped. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
cloudstoday Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I'm so totally where you are right now. I was doing so great (relatively) up until last night and even this morning really. I'm also planning on doing some traveling and was thinking how much more I can do now that I'm not tied down to him. But he drunk texted me last night, saying how miserable he was and that even though he shouldn't be texting he couldn't help it. It made me so angry and confused! As much as I know I shouldn't be with him, that he dumped me because he didn't want to be with the real me, I can't help feeling miserable today about not being with him. Today really sucks. But I do agree with you Raphael, we are great people who deserve better than to be treated like this. It hurts so much and I feel like I"m never going to stop loving him, but I hate that I think about him so much. I want to be able to move on too. So I'm sticking to my travel plans, I'm not going to call him and beg him to take me back and I'm going to find someone amazing who likes the person I really am and doesn't expect me to play the part of perfect. Because I deserve it and so do you! Go on your trip, do some crazy **** and live your life knowing you weren't afraid to try anything, including having your heart broken!
Author Free spirit86 Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Thank you I know it will become less and less painful. Just going through motions. I just can't have a steady day it seems and it can be so overwhelming sometimes. I really fell for this guy. I felt like it was the right time. I did get really lost in this guy and did a great deal to make it work. It is so unsettling that things became what they are. Said things like this relationship brought him more pain than joy. Blamed me for his back problems. Said he couldn't relax in this relationship. Just makes me feel so bad...crying so bad right now!
cloudstoday Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I'm so sorry! Those sound like such horrible things to hear! People can only take responsibility for their own feelings, how dare he put his emotions on you! I know for a fact, despite not knowing you, that you did nothing wrong. We can only be the people we are, we shouldn't have to take the blame for someone elses feelings. People feel what they feel. you deserve better. I"m so sorry you're so sad right now, I'm right there with you. I was writing in my journal again, crying because I have to go to bed and I hate sleeping without him, it's when I miss him most. I couldn't stand crying anymore so I logged on again. I hope you get some sleep tonight, maybe tomorrow morning life will look somewhat better for both of us.
Author Free spirit86 Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 You are sweet It's just a problem of going over it again and again in my head. I'm stopping now. I started listening to some music which helps and does not help. I love telepopmusik- I was listening to "yesterday was a lie" I feel like it captures what I would say to him if I could...guess that didn't help cause I was crying the whole time. I love the power in music, it makes me feel connected to being human. We all go through pain and without it we wouldn't know joy. I am really focusing on the positives of this but a part of me wants to drive him crazy.I want him to know he made a mistake. I want him to pay for causing all of this pain and frustration. I sometimes wonder if this is easy for him-he says its not easy for him. I just don't know why I trusted him again for the 2 time. He had already broken up with me twice. The first time he came back I assume because I hadn't made any contact. I don't know. I suppose there is no point in troubling my mind with what is complex and unexplainable. I just really feel that I won't be able to trust another man for a long time. He didn't cheat or anything like that, but I feel dismissed he asked me back in his life twice and then just said I can't...I don't believe in it anymore? When someone gives their heart to you its a big ****ing deal and he was not careful with it, how can I trust someone else to be? I think so much of the future now, but I cannot imagine getting involved. I hope that I have enough willpower to avoid men for awhile, even while traveling in Spain. I really want to be open to other connections but I think that I might just practice celibacy for awhile. I cannot sleep around like I did after my first ex. I want something of substance. Well thanks for listening and offering words of encouragement.
Raphael Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Ladies, crying is a perfectly normal show of emotion and it does more good than you think. It discharges all the energy that anger, hurt, rejection and loneliness bring on. For me it works better than any sleeping pill, alcohol or anything else that induces sleep. And it takes time to get over a deep emotional attachment. It's like dealing with the death of a loved one and it is not easy. And I think it shouldn't be easy. If it's too easy to recover, we just go out and make the same mistakes when we choose the next guy to be with. Don't try to fill that hole in your heart for awhile yet. It will heal, and when it does, you will have a whole heart to give to someone who deserves you. These guys (mine included) have serious problems coping with good women, and we are all good, strong women. I can be motherly to you and to my children, but there is no way in hell I'm going to be a mother to a man my own age. And you shouldn't either. So, go ahead and cry. Grieve for what you've lost. Then, get on with your lives, treat yourselves well, enjoy the gifts God has given you and sooner or later, the right man will come along and you will know true happiness. Wishing you both peace.
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