pandagirl Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I really like this new guy I've been seeing. We've been physical, but nothing below the belt. Now, usually at this point, I would tell a guy that I have herpes. I usually tell when I know for certain that we want to sex with each other. I tell in between the phase of knowing that, and before anything else further happens. But here's the thing: I'll probably see him one more time before he leaves on a trip. Do I tell before he leaves on a vacation, and thereby maybe giving him something unnecessary to think about while away? Do I tell him, and then wait an agonizing week to see how he feels, which in that time, he might use the trip as a way to fade away. I need some guidance, because I see both the positives and the negative of each scenario.
beyondhope Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Funny, I was just reading this section in Our Bodies Ourselves today about herpes and having "the talk" with your partner. I would wait until he comes back from vacation--of course, don't have sex without telling him. But I think if you tell him abruptly before he leaves, it will feel rushed and maybe untimely, and it's definitely not a conversation you want to leave hanging in the air when you're not around to answer questions and discuss it. My guess is that you're concerned that the longer you wait to tell him, it may seem more dishonest to him. But I think saying goodbye, letting him go on vacation, and seeing where things are when he gets back would be a good way to know if your relationship is worth the investment of having this talk, and thinking about sex in general. So wait to do anything below the belt, and wait to have the conversation, until he comes back. And kudos to you for being responsible about your/his health. Good luck!
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Funny, I was just reading this section in Our Bodies Ourselves today about herpes and having "the talk" with your partner. I would wait until he comes back from vacation--of course, don't have sex without telling him. But I think if you tell him abruptly before he leaves, it will feel rushed and maybe untimely, and it's definitely not a conversation you want to leave hanging in the air when you're not around to answer questions and discuss it. My guess is that you're concerned that the longer you wait to tell him, it may seem more dishonest to him. But I think saying goodbye, letting him go on vacation, and seeing where things are when he gets back would be a good way to know if your relationship is worth the investment of having this talk, and thinking about sex in general. So wait to do anything below the belt, and wait to have the conversation, until he comes back. And kudos to you for being responsible about your/his health. Good luck! This is a great post BH...
Author pandagirl Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Yes, my concern is that I'm going to come off as being dishonest, and like I've been "leading him on," which I obviously am not and don't want to do. Just the timing of him leaving is kind of tripping up how I'd normally go about things.
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 PG.. he is only going on vacation.. and if he thinks you are being dishonest when you do tell him after his vacation then he is a loser anyhow and would have been a dud later on down the road.
mag6 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I'd wait until after the trip. Those are awful things to have hanging in there. When he gets back have a discussion away from a sexual scenario to talk about it. Don't wait until you're hot and heavy to bring it up. I had a partner tell me AFTER we had sex. Fortunately we used protection and a quick trip the doctor revealed I was fine but I'm very glad to hear you are being responsible and are putting thought into the best way to tell a potential partner. Maybe not very useful but good for you!
Duckduckgoose Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 After vacation... give the man some time to relax before you drop that bomb. That's not exactly something you want him to be thinking about as he's away. Wish him a good time, and when he gets back... yeah. Of course he might have herpes too, in which case nothing to be worried about.
SunsetRed Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 BeyondHope said it very well. Everyone else has given good advice as well. I can only echo/affirm what everyone else is saying. Wait until after his vacation. When you do tell him, explain that you never meant to lead him on and that you weren't trying to hide something from him but that it is stressful to have to reveal that info to someone and you thought that telling him after his vacation would be better timing. Remember to hold your head high and always continue to value yourself. Many people have herpes, 1 in 4 actually. Many people are also not honest and feel that if they are not having symptons or are using condoms then they don't need to tell their partners, so kudos to you for being honest.
Author pandagirl Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Thanks for everyone's support! OK, I think y'alls are right -- I'll wait until after vacation. Seems kind of unfair to unload that on him just before he leaves.
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