SmileFace Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Does every message deserve a reply? Is it really worth telling someone: "Thanks for the interest but it is not mutual" ? Yes obviously I am women... blah blah blah. Guy don't get messages - Blah! As a guy would you rather a female just reply - interested or not? As a human would you rather the person just reply? (Be aware that at least one sentence in this thread is a complete dramatization - and no it is not the one about me being a women)
Leeway Harris Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 No, there's no reason to write back just to say there's no interest. If you don't write back, that's sort of implied. Which sentence is the dramatization?
Author SmileFace Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Which sentence is the dramatization? Guy don't get messages - Blah! ................................................
Leeway Harris Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Which part? The "guys don't get messages" or the "Blah!"?
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I always replied to every person (not spammers, Russian brides or hookers though). I think it is good manners.. They took their time to read your profile, form an email, email you and then wait for your reply.. the least you could do is reply.. There is nothing harder in online dating to take 10 mins and read a person's profile, decide they are great then take 10 mins or longer to write the email and not get even a response.. I wouldn't however reply to jerks or template type emails.. only people that put "real" effort in to contacting you.
Author SmileFace Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 (edited) Which part? The "guys don't get messages" or the "Blah!"? It is the blah, since I didn't actually throw up or anything. Edited February 13, 2011 by SmileFace
Duckduckgoose Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I've only had my profile on a dating site for a couple days now and had lots of winks and stuff. I've said "no thanks" to them. Even if I am not interested it's polite to tell them so, and not just seem like a brick wall.
Author SmileFace Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 I wouldn't however reply to jerks or template type emails.. only people that put "real" effort in to contacting you. Yeah ,I was more referring to generic emails such as Subject: Hey Message : How are you? I have had meet some great guys from messages that stated off like this so I am not opposed to these messages. However if I am truly not interested . What is the point?
Author SmileFace Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 I've only had my profile on a dating site for a couple days now and had lots of winks and stuff. I've said "no thanks" to them. Even if I am not interested it's polite to tell them so, and not just seem like a brick wall. This is what I was thinking of doing.When I first stated online dating. I had two profiles on different sites and this one guy will write me on both also sending me instant messages. All of which I ignored. I closed my profiles and he kept at it when I opened them back up a month lately. Constant I.M's and P.M's , so I finally decided to tell him I was interested and best of luck on his search. You know what he did? He cursed me out and wrote a blog about me on one of the sites. I don't want to really deal with that,you know?
mo mo Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Dude y are u messing around with online dating. Me and papercut are waiting for u
Intricategirl Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I don't respond. There are two types of guys that I won't respond to- 1) they put no effort into it. I had in my profile that it's going to take more than "Wassup, girl". 2) Guys that I don't feel any sort of connection with. These are the harder ones, because they are probably very nice guys. But I have a really solid sense of who I am and what I'm looking for. So when I mention in my profile that I don't watch tv, hate the local sports team, and that I am headed to law school, and I get interest from guys that tell me all their favorite shows, love the local sports team, and that work as mechanics- I don't think it's a good fit. And that's not to be snobby- most seem like very sweet guys, but I don't think we have much in common when the things we each saw fit to talk about in that first initial impression were so radically different. And usually, one or two things isn't a deal breaker, but when the entire list is opposite what I'm looking for, I wonder whether they actually read my list, or if it's just an effort to get anybody to respond. I don't send a "no thanks" because I don't want it to seem like complete and total rejection. But I'm not interested either.
Author SmileFace Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Dude y are u messing around with online dating. Me and papercut are waiting for u haha I don't think there is enough room for a next girl in the equation lol
mo mo Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 haha I don't think there is enough room for a next girl in the equation lol well then i can just hit you off on the side. No one has to know!!
Leeway Harris Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I don't respond. There are two types of guys that I won't respond to..."no thanks" because I don't want it to seem like complete and total rejection. But I'm not interested either. See, I don't think there's anything wrong with this. I've expressed frustration on this forum about women never writing back, but that doesn't mean I want to hear from women who don't want anything to do with me. The few times I did get a "sorry, not interested" email, I always thought "You could have just not responded, I would've gotten the hint." But other people like the acknowledgement, so I don't speak for everybody.
january2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I always replied to every person (not spammers, Russian brides or hookers though). I think it is good manners.. They took their time to read your profile, form an email, email you and then wait for your reply.. the least you could do is reply.. There is nothing harder in online dating to take 10 mins and read a person's profile, decide they are great then take 10 mins or longer to write the email and not get even a response.. I wouldn't however reply to jerks or template type emails.. only people that put "real" effort in to contacting you. Seconded, but from a female viewpoint.
Leeway Harris Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Oh, and the other thing I wanted to say: If I send an email, and a woman writes back, it doesn't mean we're getting married! Sometimes I would say something like "What kind of yoga do you practice?" to a woman who mentioned yoga in her profile. If she writes back "Anusara, with a dash of Bikram," I'm not going to assume we're meant to be together forever and come riding up to her on a white horse to whisk her away to my castle in the clouds! And I didn't write to women I obviously had nothing in common with, like the guys who wrote to Intricategirl. Whether it was yoga, boating, travel, or any of the other things these women were supposedly interested in, there was always something in the profile that made me think "Oh, we can talk about this!" I figured you start out talking about some mutual interest, to see if there's any kind of spark, and take it from there. But that never seemed to happen. If a woman thinks "there's just something intangible about this guy that rubs me the wrong way," that's fine, don't write back. But 95% of them thinking that? That's just weird.
Eeyore79 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I never responded to people who sent generic messages or one-liners, but I always felt guilty about not responding to those who made a real effort to write a proper email to me. Quite a few guys wrote me poetry cos I mentioned in my profile that I liked it, and I felt extra bad about not responding to them cos of the effort they had obviously put in. For a while I replied to those people, to let them know that I wasn't interested and wish them luck, but it turned out to be more hassle than it was worth. Receiving a response led some men to bombard me with messages begging me to reconsider, while others would reply calling me nasty names and saying I was entitled, bitchy, thought I was too good for him, etc. So I simply stopped responding if I wasn't interested, because I figured that my silence would tell them all they needed to know without incurring the hassle I just described.
jerbear Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 When I get emails, I would respond back regardless of interest or not. If they read my profile then contact, then by all means I'll respond. There are ways to know if they looked at your profile or just send a email. The Nigerian 409's and spammers are getting better.
oaks Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Does every message deserve a reply? If it's polite and shows that they actually read your profile then I think it's polite to respond. If they just write something that amounts to "let's have sexytime together" or "sup" then I wouldn't worry about it. Clearly not everyone agrees with me or I'd get more responses! 1
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