I Agreed to remain friends but now i realize its not the right thing to do?

[Tofu]

We decided to take a break from the relationship this wednesday and she suggested us just staying friends for the time being and that there would be a defo chance for us to get together if the circumstances changed. I wanted to remain friends with the false hope that if i remained close to her she would start to reconsider and try to work our relationship out again. I regret my choice that day and have been in NC with her since Friday under advice from the kind people here at LS, i just wonder because she still considers us as friends now will that have a big impact on us getting back together? Should i tell her that i dont want to be friends anymore because its just too difficult for me if she does make contact? (The NC was not agreed between us btw i decided to take this step and from the looks of it she is doing the same as well)

[reknown29]

Forget about you saying you would be friends. It doesnt matter. Not until you actually start playing the role of friends. If it comes down to it just say I was wrong I cant be friends with her, but it should never get to that because you are going to stick with NC!

 

You're doing good with the NC. Keep it up. I dont care who the girl is. How successful she is, How famous she is? etc. If you were hurt by her breaking up with you then you need to go NC until you are completely over her. Then you can consider being friends. Maybe when your with someone else.

 

 

Really want her back? You may find that if she was to come back to you that you wouldnt want her. This was my case. But if you really feel you want to get her back, follow these steps:

 

1) NC!!!!!!!!!! for at least a month

2) Be good to yourself, go out, reconnect with friends, exercise, eat well, read, etc. Just take the next month to better yourself.

3) Talk to women. Every time you go out strike up a conversation with a member of the opposite sex. At the grocery store, mall, street, wherever. Dont expect anything from this. Just go and see what is out there. If you really want female friends this is the way to do it. Do not get all mushy around these girls, just chat with them. Or sleep with some of them if you want, but the important thing is dont get attached. You dont want a rebound relationship.

4) When you feel good about your life wait for your ex to contact you, if she even does, and then meet u with her if you still want to but ONLY if you are ok with the thought of seeing her show up with another guys arm around her. This is important. You have to go NC until you are completely over this girl. You may still leave the option open of getting back with her but you must be ok if it doesnt work out that way.

5) If she is on her knees begging you to come back then you can disregard all of this and just do what you feel.

 

I know it sucks but this girl dumped you. It cant be taken lightly, and you are just suddenly friends with her? Aint gonna work but you're aware of that already. You need to avoid her like she is a serial killer and work on your self esteem which was shattered by the breakup. Forget about this girl. Go explore other possiblities. As ironic as it seems this is the only way you will get her back outside of recreating a dysfunctional realtionship. Life is WAY too short to put yourself through that. You need to get over her.

 

I guess to make all this short, you should be angry with your ex (you dont have to express it/ it just helps internally with self esteem), you should forget about her, you should move on, and eventually find someone else. Things will never be what they were in your PAST relationship. She stomped on all that. Including you. So you now have to pick yourself up and avoid her, or you will be stomped on again.

 

You discovered her, you will discover another one. Just about everyone has their heart broken at least once. If you dont find out what it is about YOU that caused this, it may happen again and again. I'm sure there were warning signs. Think back and find them. Don't ignore them if you ever see them again.

Edited February 13, 2011 by reknown29