kaygato Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I broke NC by sending these 2 texts: "Hey M. can we talk tonite? I just wanna hear how you're doing." and "Please don't ignore me." Pathetic right? I just started no contact yesterday and only managed one day of it. Anyway, I did just want to talk to him, but I also wanted to ask him something about our breakup. Sigh...I was talking to my friend earlier today and she said he might have been "holding back" when we got back together (we broke up 3 months ago and reconciled 1-2 months ago, then broke up 2-3 weeks ago), because of how I hurt him in the fall and he didn't want to be emotionally vulnerable again right away. I took it as a lack of interest and we got in a fight that caused us to break up again. He actually replied... "Sorry, I'll text but not call. I'm doing great." Should I just text him friendly stuff? I probably shouldn't bring up the relationship. Should I ignore him even though I asked him to "please not ignore me"? I know I shouldn't have contacted him at all. I really f-ed this up. Please help!
spackle Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 it's easier for him to control things via text. Don't bite. On a phonecall he'll be able to hear the emotional context, via a text he can choose to ignore you or not. You asked him how he's doing, he told you - he's doing great - could be bluster, maybe not. It would be too soon for me. If you REALLY want to text him don't do it while in an emotional whirl. Please try and sleep on it at least for a day, better still make it two.
Author kaygato Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 You're right. I was feeling bad and my first instinct was to talk to him...when will I learn? I'll just ignore it even though it makes me look hypocritical since I asked him not to ignore me. WIth NC should you ever respond to your ex? What if they get really desperate and are calling and leaving voicemails saying "I miss you and want to talk." Even though it's not about getting back together should you respond if they get like that? I'm just wondering for future reference. I'm scared if I ignore him totally I'll just push him away.
spackle Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 if I ever got a call like that I 'may' respond by asking what they wanted to talk about. If it was just BS I'd have to walk, if it was relationship I'd listen. You won't push him away by taking some time to get yourself together, think about it..if he's walked and you're constantly demanding he talks to you, you're going to look like a nutjob. Deep breathes and turn off your phone. I promise the world won't end
Author kaygato Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 if I ever got a call like that I 'may' respond by asking what they wanted to talk about. If it was just BS I'd have to walk, if it was relationship I'd listen. You won't push him away by taking some time to get yourself together, think about it..if he's walked and you're constantly demanding he talks to you, you're going to look like a nutjob. Deep breathes and turn off your phone. I promise the world won't end Ok. What should I say if I ask what he wants to talk about? Should I say something like "You know, I don't want to be just friends. If you ever want to talk about what went wrong between us then I'd be open to talking." Is that too harsh?
fiat500 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 (edited) ugh! no! do NOT respond with that. I'm literally cringing right now. Do NOT bring up the relationship. AT ALL. His response says it all. He does not care enough about you to call so he texts. Everything is great with him. Take it as is. NO. He is not holding back on you. He is content with the way things are. Never listen to your friend again. Please. this is what is so magical about NO CONTACT. It prevents you from looking any lower to them. I still have nightmares about my ex and in those nightmares I look pathetic and needy to him. but at least it's only in my head. after my ex rejected me, I cut off all opportunity for me to look like a cretin to him. Shut down facebook, and deleted all forms of contact. I am a ghost. And that's how it will stay. nothing you do or say or how much guilt you put on your ex will ever bring them back. you deserve to find a guy that's way hotter than your ex and who will blow him out of the water with the things he will do for you. Edited February 13, 2011 by fiat500
Author kaygato Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 ugh! no! do NOT respond with that. I'm literally cringing right now. Do NOT bring up the relationship. AT ALL. His response says it all. He does not care enough about you to call so he texts. Everything is great with him. Take it as is. NO. He is not holding back on you. He is content with the way things are. Never listen to your friend again. Please. this is what is so magical about NO CONTACT. It prevents you from looking any lower to them. I still have nightmares about my ex and in those nightmares I look pathetic and needy to him. but at least it's only in my head. after my ex rejected me, I cut off all opportunity for me to look like a cretin to him. Shut down facebook, and deleted all forms of contact. I am a ghost. And that's how it will stay. nothing you do or say or how much guilt you put on your ex will ever bring them back. you deserve to find a guy that's way hotter than your ex and who will blow him out of the water with the things he will do for you. I wasn't talking about replying to his text...I was talking about if it ever gets to the point where he desperately wants to get in contact with me. Although that would involve me actually being able to do no contact successfully. So I guess I should focus on implementing no contact and moving on first. If it ever gets to the point where he "desperately wants to talk to me", I'll come on here and ask you guys whether I should respond or not. Thanks. I know I need to control myself.
Author kaygato Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Whatever. Screw him. It's back to no contact for me. Unless he says somthing like "I miss you and I want to get back together" I'm not responding.
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 In case you were wondering.. NC stands for No Contact. It isn't NC unless you STOP contacting them.. and by STOPPING the contact I mean No Contact.. You know NC.. it means No Contact.. So.. to recap.. it isn't NC unless you don't contact them.. otherwise it is called contact.. You can't break NC if you were never in it to begin with and only going 24 hrs without talking to someone isn't NC... Got it ? ... Now you know why people say to go NC.. because NC also means no new hurts...
gator12 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I wasn't talking about replying to his text...I was talking about if it ever gets to the point where he desperately wants to get in contact with me. Although that would involve me actually being able to do no contact successfully. So I guess I should focus on implementing no contact and moving on first. If it ever gets to the point where he "desperately wants to talk to me", I'll come on here and ask you guys whether I should respond or not. Thanks. I know I need to control myself. No more texts, please kay. For your own sake, right now you're still emotional so you will do more harm than good for any chances at reconciliation. And two, the ex has to initiate the contact and you honestly shouldn't reply unless they are trying to get back together with you. Stay strong, we're here on this site to help you, NC is the tool. To move on, to heal and to possibly get them back. We will help you as much as we can, but I suggest if you are having trouble not talking to him to delete his phone number. Write down the first or last 3 digits so you know if he contacts you but other than that delete it. That way you cannot break NC and you will know when he is either giving you crumbs or actually back. -Gator
Author kaygato Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 so what did you do? Nothing. I didn't respond.
gator12 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Good, stay strong. The crumbs will most likely keep on coming, but if he doesn't say what you want him to say you have no reason to talk to him. It'll only get better from here, -Gator
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