Woggle Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I have no issue with women who choose but I don't think I would ever want to be married to a stay at home mom. If the day ever comes where she gets tired of being a wife and mother and feels as if she lost her identity guess who she is going to blame and throw all of her resentment at. Not all stay at home moms do this but it is a common scenario.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Having kids is far from 'cruisy' I can assure you. I was not referring to having kids, I was referring to wanting to live a housewife lifestyle. I want to know what she wrote on her college essay for what she wanted to be when she grew up, I doubt anyone would've wrote they intended to be a housewife since they were 11. I mean, that's just sad- no ambition, no goals in life. It's definitely different from someone who's doing the " balancing act" between work and family, and ultimately choosing the latter. That's sacrifice.
mo mo Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I know a lot of stay at home moms. My sister-in-law has 3 young children and she stays home. I plan on staying at home for a few years when I have children as well. I don't think it's odd at all. I agree that taking a few years off isn't a bad idea. Once they are all in first grade, then the mom can think about getting a part-time or something.
musemaj11 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I was not referring to having kids, I was referring to wanting to live a housewife lifestyle. I want to know what she wrote on her college essay for what she wanted to be when she grew up, I doubt anyone would've wrote they intended to be a housewife since they were 11. I mean, that's just sad- no ambition, no goals in life. It's definitely different from someone who's doing the " balancing act" between work and family, and ultimately choosing the latter. That's sacrifice. Thats right. There is big difference between sacrificing your ambition to stay home and care for your children and having staying at home as the ambition itself in the first place.
sweetjasmine Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 These days I have never heard anyone calling a mother who works full-time a bad mother. You probably heard such comments 20 years ago and you warped it to 2011. My mother works in a daycare. I hear it all the time, especially when I tell people that she works in a daycare and say that some of the kids get dropped off at 6:45 am and picked up at 5:30 pm every single day. I want to know what she wrote on her college essay for what she wanted to be when she grew up, I doubt anyone would've wrote they intended to be a housewife since they were 11. I mean, that's just sad- no ambition, no goals in life. On the flip side, I want to know how many people on earth have laid on their deathbeds thinking, "I wish I had put in more hours at the job I didn't even like instead of spending time with my children."
sb129 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 These days I have never heard anyone calling a mother who works full-time a bad mother. You probably heard such comments 20 years ago and you warped it to 2011. No, I have heard them recently. They were more insinuations than out and out comments, but still. There is big difference between sacrificing your ambition to stay home and care for your children and having staying at home as the ambition itself in the first place. I really don't see what the problem is with some people just aiming to be a wife and mother. Its not my bag, but if the role exists, who cares if all some people want is to do that- we can't all be rocket scientists or multi tasking supermums. There are many women out there who have really been damaged by the "have it all" mentality. I would FAR rather be a SAHM than someone who has to work several low paid jobs to make ends meet.
denise_xo Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I was not referring to having kids, I was referring to wanting to live a housewife lifestyle. I want to know what she wrote on her college essay for what she wanted to be when she grew up, I doubt anyone would've wrote they intended to be a housewife since they were 11. I mean, that's just sad- no ambition, no goals in life. It's definitely different from someone who's doing the " balancing act" between work and family, and ultimately choosing the latter. That's sacrifice. I don't want children and even if I had them, I'd never consider staying home with them for more than one year (but would be happy to financially support a SAHD). However, I don't see how wanting to stay at home with children and looking after your family is 'sad' or not having 'ambition'. If anything, I think it's a bit sad that you see it that way. Ambition isn't limited to fancy careers.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I would not want to be a stay-at-home-wife/mom but its probably better than letting the Television and video games raise your kids. Both of my parents worked full time while I was young, so I spent a lot of it in daycare. I think I turned out okay (lol). They did what they had to do to keep a roof, food, and clothing.
musemaj11 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 (edited) My mother works in a daycare. I hear it all the time, especially when I tell people that she works in a daycare and say that some of the kids get dropped off at 6:45 am and picked up at 5:30 pm every single day. No, I have heard them recently. They were more insinuations than out and out comments, but still. Most people agree that ideally small children should be raised by at least one parent at home instead of by strangers. But that doesnt mean people insinuate that mothers are bad if they work instead of staying home. I really don't see what the problem is with some people just aiming to be a wife and mother. Its not my bag, but if the role exists, who cares if all some people want is to do that- we can't all be rocket scientists or multi tasking supermums. I dont think I have what it takes to be a rocket scientist, but Im gonna try my best in life to be a 'rocket scientist' even if I ended up falling short. But its much better than thinking, "Since I cant be a rocket scientist, then Im just gonna aim for being a burger flipper all my life." Also career mothers should make their husbands contribute equally in raising the kids. Both of my parents worked full time while I was young, so I spent a lot of it in daycare. I think I turned out okay (lol). They did what they had to do to keep a roof, food, and clothing. My parents worked full time too and my sister and I was mostly raised by our maid. Honestly I dont think it had much psychological effect on me. I had a tough childhood, but it was because my father was abusive, not because my parents didnt spend enough time with me. Personally I would rather have my parents spend 3 loving hours with me a day every day as a child than having parents with bad parenting skills spending 24 hours a day with me everyday. Edited February 12, 2011 by musemaj11
allina Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 There are many stay at home moms, I'm not sure what the big deal is. Maybe she was a little too forward but staying at home and looking after the house and kids is something some women choose to do, 2011 or not.
Lorelai Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 There are some men who prefer the stay-at-home wife for many reasons. My ex, for instance, was not at all fond of housework but wanted a spotless house. When we met, he said he wanted a partner who had a career, which was a good thing for us because we actually met at work. (We waited to date until after we weren't directly working with each other, but ended up working together while dating later.) He wasn't fond of splitting chores and I'm not Superwoman like my grandmother, to work a full-time job and keep a house spotless with no help at all. When we split he got together with someone who preferred to stay at home but sometimes sold some things from home and could come up with her own "me" money so had some financial freedom. She keeps his house spotless, and they save money because she has time to cook from scratch. They aren't planning on having kids. It works for them. But even if they did have kids together, with the cost of daycare they might come out about the same financially since her income potential is not as high as his -- and it's amazing how much money you can save in childrearing if you are willing to do it frugally. It just takes more time to wash cloth diapers yourself than it does to use disposables, for example. Every person is different, so every relationship is different. It all requires some give and take. Some people are more domestically inclined than others. I've known several stay-at-home dads. Me personally, when I have children I would love to have the chance to stay at home with them for a few years. Heck, I'd love to be able to homeschool if it was right for a particular child (for some kids it's totally the wrong decision, but for others it's a good choice). But it'll depend on the circumstances what decision I will make about career plans. And I don't think I'll be a worse mom if I have to work. Plus, honestly, after seeing my mother raise two girls by herself, I didn't think it was the right time in my life to have children until I knew I could support them by myself if I had to. I have the skills and earnings potential now that if that ever happened, I could do it. But some aren't nearly as paranoid.
waynebrady Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I doub't any woman in this day and age actually wants to be a housewife. It's usually the guy who brings that up right? I doub't any woman just says to her fiancee or whatever that she wants to be a stay at home mom and a house wife.
denise_xo Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I doub't any woman in this day and age actually wants to be a housewife. It's usually the guy who brings that up right? I doub't any woman just says to her fiancee or whatever that she wants to be a stay at home mom and a house wife. So the OP is lying?
Author irc333 Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 Yeah, I it's prominent in the south that southern husbands would like their wives to stay at home. There was this one newlywed, apparently they just got married, but they had no kids of course, was sittin' at home twiddlin her thumbs. The other, after a few years of marraige, told her husband to take a hike (got a divorce) when his chauvinistic attitude landed them in divorce court. She wanted to go to college. And there was one woman, after she got done raising all 3 of their kids, she wanted to go to college, her husband wouldn't allow it, and she told him to hell, and oh hey, sign these divorce papers, please. lol
waynebrady Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 So the OP is lying? Well no, I guess some women do want it But why? Isn't it pretty degrading to be completley dependant on the husband? How does that work anyway? Does the husband give her an allowance or something every week?
Duckduckgoose Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Damn WayneBrady I was expecting more than that from you. You made me sad today
waynebrady Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Damn WayneBrady I was expecting more than that from you. You made me sad today eh? What did you expect? I just find it fasinating that some women want to be housewifes... it just seems so cliché.
LifesBeachy Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I'd be afraid the relationship would bottom out and I'd be left with no formal education and work background. I'd consider this lifestyle, but I'd want a safety-net. And I want the option to jump either back in to education or a decent job. One doozy of a zinger is- this guy I was talking to had friend that stayed at home while his wife went to work and coasted out on her salary. Hey, fine whatever -- not my life. But then he started talking about how he wanted me to go to work while *he* sat at home. HA! He called it being a house-husband. Dream on, dreamer. . . I could see that. I'd come home to the worst messy/dumpy house ever. Food not be cooked. (MAYBE mac and cheese, If I'm lucky?).. my clothes not be washed/ironed/put away. Surely crumbs everywhere..and fast food wrappers all scattered about. Mildew and hardwater stains all over the shower... My little baby with dried green crusty pea stains all around his mouth. Needless, you get the idea. My whole future life flashed before my eyes sending me into pure panic and I knew I had to get away from this one.
allina Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 How does that work anyway? Does the husband give her an allowance or something every week? Uhh no, it's called a joint account, both partners have access to it.
elaina Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 (edited) I saw this profile of a woman, she really sounded appealing until she got the part where she says, "I am looking to fulfill the role of a traditional housewife. To stay at home, to take care of the kids, and not have to work, and thus is looking for a man with a steady job. I have to admit, expecting a man to support her and children is expecting a little too much? She followed that up with "I'm not a gold-digger or anything, but I just don't want to stress out about money and possibly not having any" Of course, you could resolve that issue by not having kids, too. Of course she ALSO says she is willing to have a meal waiting for her man when he gets home, keep the home spotless, and yard clean, and keep him happy in the bedroom as they both fall to sleep satisified. Actually, she sounds like a dream come true....a woman that's willing to fufill a Beaver Cleaver role in 2011?? Interesting, but how can one support kids AND her, with one male income, plus where she lives...well...and where I live...the area is not lucrative. The only kind of work around here is blue collar work, workin' at the Wal-Mart, or retail. Anyone know any single women that still wants to fulfill the role? Even in 2011? Yes, I know many women who are like that, or a variant of that. Many women who have kids would really like to not have to worry about making a living and paying a daycare, but instead take care of their kids, especially when their kids are young. In private schools, you'll have quite a few mothers who do this... are homemakers (another name for housewife) who are very active in their kids' education, and who are also soccer moms, the type that take their kids from one activity to another. Most American women (I don't know about Europe) do have to work though, and much of their income does go to some sort of childcare. For some (like my sister) she needs to work for her own benefit... she didn't like being at home all the time. This is fine too and for many women, it's great that now they have the ability to pursue a career and have a family! For others, like another sister, she works as an RN because she has to in order to help support the family, but she would LOVE to stay at home with her kids (she has 5) and take care of them while they're young and not pay someone else to do that. She does love her career though, but for many women, it's hard to juggle both a career and taking care of husband, kids, and home. She wishes that she could postpone her work until after her kids are older, but her husband is not able to pay for all their bills (no offense to her husband!) My Mom was a homemaker till all her kids left the nest. Then, she started her own business, which is cool. I'm so proud of her entrepreneurship! Her Mom worked outside the home. So, I don't think it's bad that this woman wants to be a housewife. That's work too, if she is committed to it! It's not easy keeping a house beautiful and raising kids is a huge responsibility!!! If she just wants to do that and not have an outside career, that is perfectly fine, I'd think, if her husband is fine with it. For me, I do not want to be a housewife, because I really enjoy working outside the home. However, it would be nice to not have to work fulltime to pay the bills, but rather to work part time and have time to volunteer. Also, if I have kids someday, it'd be great to have more time to spend time with them, but it's more than likely that I will need to work full time to pay bills, and that's just fine too. Regardless, both women who work outside the home and inside the home can make the house a beautiful place with a wonderful atmosphere. Also, both can do a wonderful job raising kids, and enjoying a wonderful relationship with the husband too! Edited February 13, 2011 by elaina
elaina Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Absolutely. It won't work if either partner looks down on the other or if there's resentment. I'd like to stay at home when we have children until they're teenagers. We'll see if it's even possible, though in some areas the cost of day care is enough to make the extra income useless. It's a tough balancing act: if you work full-time, you're a bad mother who doesn't care about her children and is okay with strangers raising them, but if you don't work, you're a lazy, mooching cow with no ambition. I wish people would let others decide what's best for them instead of jumping right ahead to obnoxious, condescending judgment. Great post
mag6 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I got to have both my parents around when I was growing up (they were musicians) and I honestly can't imagine not being around for my kids when they grow up. That being said I've put some thought into how I could be a 'stay-at-home-mom' as it were. I've taken a lot of classes in baking, cooking, sewing and knitting and I'm getting confident in these skills to the point where I feel if/when I do get pregnant I can leave my job and work from home so I can be around for the kids. This provides my partner and I a second income (although admittedly probably a small one for a while) and gives me the chance to be there for my children.
Star Gazer Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 It's a tough balancing act: if you work full-time, you're a bad mother who doesn't care about her children and is okay with strangers raising them, but if you don't work, you're a lazy, mooching cow with no ambition. I wish people would let others decide what's best for them instead of jumping right ahead to obnoxious, condescending judgment. Seconded a million times over!
milkmaterial Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 (edited) Actually, she sounds like a dream come true....a woman that's willing to fufill a Beaver Cleaver role in 2011?? Interesting, but how can one support kids AND her, with one male income, plus where she lives...well...and where I live...the area is not lucrative. The only kind of work around here is blue collar work, workin' at the Wal-Mart, or retail. Anyone know any single women that still wants to fulfill the role? Even in 2011? WELL if i get pregnant i dont want to work (sleep at work, get mood swings, etc)but I will work again after the kid is old enough to be left alone with a nanny (dunno if i want to leave a small infant with a stranger/babysitter after reading and seeing a lot of those videos of babies being killed or punched). She is looking for a guy who is OK with having a housewife (believe me, there are guys like that) who expect a nice meal when they come home and a warm bed. No need to judge other people. There ARE men who earn a LOT of money, and just want a trophy wife. Cant judge them for working their butt off, but believe me, housework, cleaning the bathroom (yuck-gross), buying groceries, taking care of the kids, preparing YOUR meals, looking good, satisfying a husband - all seems like a lot of work to me as opposed to a 9 to 5. I know a guy whos like 40 and ****, but hes like a lead programmer for a really big company, hes married to a stunning girl who I think is way younger than him, but they have been together for years and he was bought up like that with a stay at home mom and a ranch house. I know a lot of girls who dont really have a career, a lot of us have different interests. sometimes these judgmental posts just take my breath away. Edited February 13, 2011 by milkmaterial
musemaj11 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 sometimes these judgmental posts just take my breath away. If someone dreams of being a clerk at McDonalds all his life, its his prerogative to decide what he wants to do with his life. But that doesnt mean Im wrong if I say that that person has little ambition in life. I mean you only live once and you just want to spend your life staying home when you have unlimited opportunity to realize your potential?
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