Oned Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Hi, I'll try to keep this simple as possible. I used to date this girl, which I was really attracted to her personally and physically. I got dumped in few months because her ex got in to play. Obviously she had some feelings and that's why I got left...but. I know she suffers from a co-depensy. She still explained her feelings to me etc etc... and at one point she almost left her ex(which was & still is mentally bullying her & after some drinking he had some insulting words for me, guess women like these kind of trash imho.) for good, but he lurked himself back to between us and after that she has been more firm on her position with him, and I understand plus respect that. The problem is that she still contacts me randomly & some weird way it seems she is still interested in me, but she has her physical needs satisfied on the other end so there doesn't seem to be anything else... I know that I must go NC, and I have tried... but somehow we still get bumped to eachother in some ways. We haven't really talked in few months except she told about something not really relevant, but something we had talked about past and at the end "... that's all I had to say". I wonder if she tried to see if I was available to her. But still... I need to go totally NC on her without giving her the wrong picture that I totally dismiss her from my life and I would just childish to ignore her. I think people that are co-dependent usually take that as an insult and blame themselves afterwards... and that is what is getting her from trying to really leave the other relationship and that's why we didn't get a real chance to try ours. Any people who has suffered from a some degree of co-dependency, could you heal and see what was lost and not bury this as a "thing from the past"? I just wonder these relationships, because I really can't understand people where they really except the other to be an "friend" they just can talk to. I think this is easy for the dumpers and/or girls to do? This is more complex situation really and lot more has happened, but I've just tried to make it more simple and just the core points. Advices with previous experiences from you guys would be awesome, and any other insights also.
betterdeal Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Sounds to me like you're worrying too much about the effect you have on her. What is it that you want from life? If you want a clean break, say so to her. You want space and time to heal and get to know yourself again. Say so. Wish her luck, if you must, but rather than No Contact work on Disassociating your from her and from the bond you had. Become your own person. Know that you are doing the best you can with what life has given you and don't feel guilty. I've found that working myself into that position has meant I can meet my ex and feel okay about it. It's more practical to be able to be yourself: if you meet each other happenchance, it's not a problem. And that's the key - finding ways to deal with what life throws at you (i.e. meeting the ex) that make your life less stressful, less mournful, less regrettable. Sure, you'll still have feelings, maybe fantasies about them. Everyone does. But they are just fantasies. They can be enjoyable, but don't get too concerned or attached to them. That way you'll (a) enjoy life more (b) be more attractive © be able to decide better if she or anyone else is the right person for you when opportunities arise.
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