spackle Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 you know that stage where you're sort of but not 100% committed to going NC but not fully started it? I flip-flapped for a week and sent a text I shouldn't have done yesterday, asking him to delete my number (because in the past when I've gone NC he's always got in touch with me) as I can't do this again. I won't be manipulated by this ****ing tool again. I'm upset with myself for letting my guard down but at the time I felt good at the time and strong enough that I would treat things as in the moment but that nagging feeling that something was off started to creep in and as soon as started to ask a couple of direct questions (pretty much anything that relates to us) he pulls back. I've gone through this before and while it hurts less this time round, it's still so frustrating not to get answers and when I ask he can't or won't answer them. I could run through a list of potential reasons why he won't but it makes no difference because it would be just guess work.
stopthemadness Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 ok ,your off to a good start. 2day is day one of N/C. From now on refrain from contacting him. Do things to keep busy and to keep you from thinking of him ( i know its hard) But thinking of them could get obsessive if you let. You are in charge of your thoughts. Remember that. Keep posting here it helps...Good luck
Author spackle Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 thank you. I know these feelings go up and down, I just wish the downs would go. They will with time. Weekends are the worst. But I'm trying to keep busy.
Roadlesstaken Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Spackle, don't be so hard on yourself. You are right with time the feeling will go down.
is2008 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 spackle we all go through these periods so don't fret. i'm finding it hard going NC too right now. and i totally agree, weekends are the worst by far. i find myself with too much time on my hands as i'm sure you do.
angelboots Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Spakle I am starting to think we dated the same guy lol I need to restart no contact... I always start it but he seems to have a radar which goes off when i am feeling my most "naive" or something.. Ill start off feeling strong and like I can go with the flow but before I know it he will toss me a crumb to test the waters and no matter how i reply, usually something along the lines of "but you hurt me, i dont know" or if I ask a direct question.. he bucks and runs. I have realised I am just prompting him into saying what I want to hear.. that he wants me back... which he says... but then doesn't want to talk about it or goes MIA for a few days or at times weeks and actions speak louder then words. I am glad to say I am at the point where if he does go MIA i dont even try to contact him.. I have recently left it to him to initiate contact. It isn't giving me any real closure and I guess obviously I must still be holding out hope on something I know is just not going to work no matter what. Its time to just bite the bullet, its over and he is playing games.. like he always did but i feel your frustration, 100% Dont be hard on yourself, we will all get there
Trovador Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 And my ex is the female version of that guy... You know, she let me go NC for a few hours, a couple of days or even a week (which until now was the longest), she just called saying she missed me or stuff like that, not once more substantial words... and when I asked her directly she just eluded the conversation... But now is day 10 of NC... I guess this time is for real... no more crumbs or new injuries!
Author spackle Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Spakle I am starting to think we dated the same guy lol I need to restart no contact... I always start it but he seems to have a radar which goes off when i am feeling my most "naive" or something.. Ill start off feeling strong and like I can go with the flow but before I know it he will toss me a crumb to test the waters and no matter how i reply, usually something along the lines of "but you hurt me, i dont know" or if I ask a direct question.. he bucks and runs. I have realised I am just prompting him into saying what I want to hear.. that he wants me back... which he says... but then doesn't want to talk about it or goes MIA for a few days or at times weeks and actions speak louder then words. I am glad to say I am at the point where if he does go MIA i dont even try to contact him.. I have recently left it to him to initiate contact. It isn't giving me any real closure and I guess obviously I must still be holding out hope on something I know is just not going to work no matter what. Its time to just bite the bullet, its over and he is playing games.. like he always did but i feel your frustration, 100% Dont be hard on yourself, we will all get there could we be that unlucky? Feel 'emotional' today, think because of yesterday and feeling tired as I didnt get much sleep.
Author spackle Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 - restarted NC. day 2 today. It really is like a drug isn't it? I think the closest I've felt like this is when I gave up coffee . still annoyed with his inability to speak up and I still want to prod at him but I also know I'll look like a nutjob. Makes me wonder if they feel anything? I mean you have to notice a change from being in contact with someone every day to nothing. oh well, focus back on me.
petal11 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 that the spirit spackle.. focus on you.. a beautiful person who deserves the best.. that's what i tell myself when the urge to contact is strong.. i agree weekends are the hardest.. (this weekend im off to the coast, to enjoy sea sand and sunshine) ..the world is my oyster and its full of pearls lol. stay strong. hugs
angelboots Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 good luck spakle I am on day three NC also lol we can do it. i have made it so he can not contact me in any way as my resolve would always slip if he contacted me and yes week ends are the worst... short of him showing up on the door step he is gone, gone, and it does feel better everyday xx
Author spackle Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 day3 is nearly over. didn't help having some him related dream last night and I've fought the urge to text and pose the question that - we either like each other or we don't but why do we keep doing this to each other? except he'd be all thick and not have a clue what I was on about
shawn923 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Day 2! and im in college with my ex who dumped me so i have to pass by her on some days... it hurts but i do it with a smile
Author spackle Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 that must be tough -keep your head high
angelboots Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 except he'd be all thick and not have a clue what I was on about ........................................................... seriously thinking our ex's are related at the very least lol i would get a reply that looked like this "?????" or a "what lol ????" then the more u explain the question the more ??? you get until u give up.... Congrates on the end of day 3 Spakle, your doing great im still going strong too
Author spackle Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 got this this afternoon. 'there is always a valid reason why i don't text. only just got paid. I would not not text you. what's the point in that' because you're a bit of a twat? ...keep calm
angelboots Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 (edited) keep calm.. do not buy into it and stay strong hun x I used to hear i was working all week, i was sick, i came home and fell asleep with my shoes on... at the end of the day, if you want to contact someone, you find a way. A real phone call, an email, anything just to say, "hey I am out of credit not ignoring you" Edited March 19, 2011 by angelboots
Author spackle Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 keep calm.. do not buy into it and stay strong hun x I used to hear i was working all week, i was sick, i came home and fell asleep with my shoes on... at the end of the day, if you want to contact someone, you find a way. A real phone call, an email, anything just to say, "hey I am out of credit not ignoring you" Thank you. I HAVE heard it all before, no credit, left charger at work, forgot to take the charger, the battery, phone was broke. Even heard the computer was broke at one point. Only ever had one phone call and that was just so he could whack off it would be funny if it was someone else I'm doing good though, found a new hobby, the joy of tea, not the stuff you get in a supermarket but the really good stuff you get from specialist online stores, I've even got a special glass diffuser mug. I feel slightly smug. lol How are you doing?
angelboots Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 nawww im jealous i want tea too Im doing ok.. was reading over some old messages and looking in my art portfolio from last year. iT IS ALL ABOUT HIM LOL even the early entries where i have writing with the art work are about how something wasn't right with him.. and most of them are drawings of his eyes.. they are all so cold and dark and emotionless.. how did i not notice that earlier.. Hmm ok we definitely had the same guy lol mine because of work n school was mostly L/D and the only times i really got a hell of a lot out of him was when he wanted to whack off.. at the time i was all naive thinking "nawwww yay he isn't out cheating at least" now i cant help but think omg yuk he was always whacking off.. I called him on it at one point too and pointed out that the time i could rely on him was if he thought i would let him whack off and he got all "hurt" by the accusation but it was the truth lol i tested the theory a few times lol at least tea doesn't run off if you turn it down one night a month lol
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