juliejeanes Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Ok if anyone knows my story to make it short my husband was in Iraq for nine months and when he came home i got pg quick and he started being depressed when I was two months pg. He cheated on me at 7 months pg and I started getting depressed. He left when our son was 2 weeks old and has not been helping me with anything. I have real bad post pardum depression now and ppl were telling me I was ruining my lil girls life by being so depressed...I put it to the side until I got a call from her teacher on Jan 28 saying she is not doing good in school and she isnt playing with her friends. I thought well maybe they r right. Maybe my children r better off w/o me. I took an overdose the 29 and my niece found me and was saved by the grace of God. I went and got the help I needed and I am alot better now. Although my husband refuses to give me my child back. Not bc of what I did but bc he knows and wants to hurt me. He wont even bring him to me to let me see him I have to go meet him in town to see my son. I want alone time with my 10 week old baby. My husband lives with his mom and it is not fit for my child. There is nothing I can do bc we r still married and are not legally seperated so he has every right to him as I do. So all I am doing right now is cooperating with him bc I know if I don't then he will never let me see my son.
carhill Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Reading some of the backstory, IMO job one is continuing your recovery and showing the court you are a fit parent, as any evidence of your recent issues, as well as past issues, will likely be used by him to tilt custody in his favor. As you've started the divorce process, what is that status? Preliminary motions for custody and support should have been made in the initial filing. Has the court ruled on that? He can't unilaterally deny you access to your child without due process or he will face sanctions in court. If he's 'preventing' you from taking your child to your home, that can be actionable. Do you have access to legal aid? If so, avail yourself of it. Our court system has free and low-cost aid and relief for those without the means to pay a private lawyer. I hope yours does as well. Two weeks after a suicide attempt is the *beginning* of the road to recovery, IMO. Still a long ways to go. I hope you're getting IC to help sort your issues and come to a healthier place for both you and your child. Your M is done, IMO. It's up to you (and him) how amicable or rancorous you want it to be. With a child involved, I fervently hope you both can set aside your emotions and work towards a common goal, that being going your separate ways emotionally and effectively co-parenting your child. BTW, most of the people I saw at the courthouse when I was there with my now exW at self-help in family law were women with small children. Rarely was a man to be seen. That's likely suggestive of reality. I hope your situation will be an exception to that experience. Good luck
willowthewisp Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Hi, If the law there is anything like in the UK you need to see a public family law expert as soon as possible. I knew a similar case where the mother was suffering with bi-polar and had come off her meds due to the pregnancy, shortly after her pregnancy she had an episode and the father (who had previously abandoned the baby, just like your H) took the child to his parents. The lawyer I was incrediable! There is something you can do, married or not! You were suffering with a recognised disorder and a court here would certainly want you assessed now etc to see if you are now well enough to have your child back, but it is NOT up to your H to dictate the terms to you. See a lawyer NOW!
just_some_guy Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 This is a touchy subject for me, as I've just been through this from the other side. Two weeks is very, very early in your recovery. You really need to focus on you, getting your head together first. I know it hurts, but right now, it may be better that he has custody of your daughter, especially while you work on yourself. You also need legal help, at least when you are ready for it. But right now, lots of intensive counseling and therapy and time working on you, for your own good and your children. From the other side, I cannot tell you how disturbing and hurtful a suicide attempt is on other people. I'm still troubled by finding and saving my (stbx) wife after her attempt.
Albertan Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Frankly I'll call this the way I see it. If I was your husband I would have taken the child away as well. All I see in your post is "me, me, me oh poor me". Get yourself some help - long term, look after your daughter (you don't mention whats going on with her) and don't assume your husband is just trying to hurt you. I also find it incredibly ironic and downright shocking that you can rationally say he is not "fit for my child". It's his child too you know.
Author juliejeanes Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 I have gotten help and I was released from the hospital and the doctor said I am doing fine. I am still going to counseling. I never said my H was not fit. I have tried to let him b in our sons life. When I had him I offered for him to get the child every other weekend and also on wednesdays after work. He never wanted him except only on saturday at noon and would bring him back at noon. I want my son to have a relationship with his dad. I have been a good wife and a mother to my children and post pardum started when he was cheating on me while i was seven months pg then he left two weeks after our son was born and it got worse. I am getting the help I need and I do have a lawyer and our court date is set for seperation aggreement in April. I also have my son now bc we planned to meet out in public and I had the baby in my arms and while my H was texting someone I got the diaper bag and put it around my neck so he couldnt get it and I while I was walking away with the baby in my arms He grabbed the shoulder strap of the bag and yanked real hard and I almost fell backwards and it was choking me. The cops came and my H told them he had full custody which is a lie ...we have joint custody cause we r still married. He told my H he could not take the baby from my arms and give him to him just like if my H was holding him he could not take him from his arms and give him to me. And they told him the only thing he can do is get a lawyer.
willowthewisp Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) Gosh Albertan, I didn't see what you saw in Julies post at all? Please could you explain? All I saw was that the H had cheated on her whilst she was pregnant and when the baby was born abandoned him at two weeks old, leaving him in the care of a mother who was serverly depressed, having little to no contact with him and not supporting the mother of his child. Juile, you should make sure that the police report is on file, it is arguable that your H has committed battery/assault by graping the starp and yanking you, (in the UK anyway, but US law is very similar so check it out), also because you were holding the baby he was reckless as to causing ABH to the child if you had dropped him. Although you did not so no ABH was commited or assualt/battery to the child (thankfully), this is evidence that you need to give to your lawyer in case your H starts an unreasonable fight. It's important for him to have a relationship with his child but he should not be depriving a mother (who has been deemed fit by doctors) of nursing her baby. Edited February 14, 2011 by willowthewisp
Author juliejeanes Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Thank you Willow. I have told my lawyer and I told DHS also. They will be coming to my house tomorrow to look at it and me and my H have to meet with the DHS together tomorrow afternoon. I will keep you posted as to what happens.
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