thegreatmistake Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Never thought I'd find myself posting on one of these sites, but clearly things didn't go quite how I expected so I'm going to give this a shot. So my ex girlfriend was madly in love with me, and after the summer after college, she moved states to live near me (not with, although there was talk of that later on). Unfortunately, I've had some self esteem issues growing up, and because my ex was so amazing and made me so happy, I defaulted back to my insecurities and assumed that something must be wrong even though I knew things were going great. Things WERE going great... for a while. But my insecurities started to manifest themselves as jealousy and I became jealous of her new friends that she was spending a lot of time with instead of me, especially a guy friend of hers that she talked about a lot. I know that she would never try to hurt me or cheat on me or anything, and in retrospect she tried for a while to make me feel comfortable and make things work, but I said a lot of stupid things about her choosing her friends over me and caring about them more and stuff. To sum it up I was needy and whiny and all of those things that aren't so desirable in a guy, and eventually she called it off. I tried to respect her decision and we had a period of no contact for about 3 weeks, after which we talked a bit and started hanging out very occasionally as friends while we both took some time to think about things. All hanging out with friends did was make us realize how much we miss each other, but she is under the impression that people don't change (due to some issues with an ex of hers that was on-again off-again for years). While I agree that people rarely change, I have been continually focusing on confronting and handling my insecurities for the entire duration of being single and have discovered that my interest in changing for myself has motivated to actually grow and mature into a more secure individual. I saw myself through her eyes during the breakup and realized that i hated who i'd let myself become, and while some jealousy is part of my nature, i realize that i can't accept my fears or allow them to impact my life in any way. So hopefully that's enough detail, so my question is this- IShe clearly still has feelings for me and has once again adopted no-contact (which I haven't tried to break besides asking her how she was a few days into it before realizing she wasn't talking to me). I'm feeling that this is because she is confused and isn't comfortable being friends but also isn't willing to risk all the pain she went through when she left me since she hasn't had enough time to realize that I've changed and i'm not just acting differently temporarily. How long do I go until I try to contact her, how do I go about it, and what type of relationship do I try to establish? (the friends thing was only for a few weeks while we were cooling down and seeing how we felt, but doesn't necessarily seem like the route I want to take) Thanks in advance for any advice or feedback Link to post Share on other sites
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