loveforever Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 You've wrote in a post..... He will throw crumbs along the way to coming back if he comes back. My ex-husband (the dumper) has done something similar....on Christmas Day (at that time he's already gotten the signed papers back) when every restaurant was closed I told him how I would give anything for a Chili's Bacon Burger....he went to work shortly there after and texted me "Looks like Sonic is open if you're still hungry"..... He never texts me stuff like that (says texts cost a fortune and urges me to only text in emergencies)..... He also texted me a pic of an accident he was responding too some other time saying "This is what I'm dealing with right now"..... One day he brings me one of my favorite treats from the store even though I told him not to buy me anything anymore.....after all....he was divorcing me... Why ???? Are those crumbs ???? If so, is it normal to have days to weeks before another crumb ?? If they are crumbs do you think it's because he might be interested in getting back together, or is every dumper throwing crumbs at some point ??? What's your opinion ????
gator12 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 First off, I'm pretty honored to be in a thread title lol. =] But ummm it's hard to say. In my opinion anything but a message to get back together is a crumb in my opinion. The messages he sent you are flirty, but you guys were married so some natural flirting will exist no matter what, it's sort of a habit. I think most dumpers throw crumbs at some point for various reasons. You and yours were married and that means you were more serious than most so even for him he may not want to let you go completely and be trying to keep a friendship alive and so far all of his texts are leaning towards more of a friend vibe than anything else. I'm assuming he knows you still love him because you said it before you went into NC right? If he knows this then the ball is completely in his court and he knows that. That basically means anything but contacting you to get back together is essentially a crumb. If you get anymore feel free to post them. -Gator
Author loveforever Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 Hi Gator.... I really like your replies to posts on LS and I wanted your opinion.........besides my favorite number is #12.... I've written a short summary....maybe that will help..... He asked for a divorce because I got into massive debt (about 15 Grand) and hid it from him because I was too embarrassed and wanted to fix it myself (I wanted separate accounts from the beginning because I knew I didn't know how to handle money, but I didn't think I was going to get that bad !!!)....I let myself go.....from 115/120 lbs to 220 lbs (2 pregnancies included) in 10 years.....and some other things.....no infidelity or big fighting..... Anyway....he asked for divorce Labor Day weekend saying he doesn't love me anymore, he wants me to move out (his house) and for the next couple of months he was a mix between nice and not.....trying to get me to sign the papers.... I started making changes right away....being better about the money, enrolling in college, working out (now 174 lbs ) ....he noticed and liked but said he's sure I am only doing it to get him to change his mind, and I told him 50% yes, but I also needed to do it for myself when I'm on my own.... Before Christmas I discovered half nude cell pics on his computer.....apparently only an old friend from way back when .....I was mad and devastated and signed the papers (gave it to him on his birthday)....since then he was acting sad and depressed.....then our dog had to be put down and we got really close.... hugging, kissing, sex..... Second week of January the finalized papers arrived in the mail and ex wanted to hide them.....I got them away from him and went into the bathroom crying....he asked me to come out and when I did he held me and said "I do love you !!!".....then why did you finalize it ???? He said that I knew marriage is just a piece of paper to him....and that this doesn't mean we have to be over.... Basically he told me that he doesn't want me to move out, he isn't ruling out a reconciliation and even re-marriage (but it's too early for it now)....he changed his work hours to weekday nights (before it was weekend nights) to be there for our kids more and so I could have time to work on my college....I'm still on his health insurance, still his life insurance beneficiary.....he's not online (f***book) and all secretive about his phone all the time anymore....every time I sneak in he's playing Mahjong or playing with the boys.... It all sounds so good, but he doesn't kiss me, or says I love you, or hug me, or has sex with me (unless I initiate it)..... Sometimes when we laugh about the kids he gives me those deep looks where I think 'there is the love I know' but then.....nothing else.... I am probably too impatient, but.....I feel like there should be more signs by now...... But if it can take 5 months or more I guess I can still have hope..... PS. We are still living together and our kids (almost 4 and 10) and our families (except our brothers) don't know anything about the divorce and we're not planning on telling anyone
gator12 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I'd say he may want to get back together but just isn't ready for it right now. The only thing you can do is take it slow and not pressure him into it. Continue to work on yourself, FOR YOURSELF 100%, Improve yourself and if he decides he wants you back he'll initiate it. You can't be the one too in this case. Stay strong don't let him know how you're depressed. Your attitude has to change too not just your appearance. Right now it is all about you. Live life and be happy, if it's real love he will come back. -Gator
Author loveforever Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 I'd say he may want to get back together but just isn't ready for it right now. The only thing you can do is take it slow and not pressure him into it. Continue to work on yourself, FOR YOURSELF 100%, Improve yourself and if he decides he wants you back he'll initiate it. You can't be the one too in this case. Stay strong don't let him know how you're depressed. Your attitude has to change too not just your appearance. Right now it is all about you. Live life and be happy, if it's real love he will come back. -Gator Attitude...that's a big one.... I am doing a lot to improve myself....working on getting a handle on my finances, going back to college (although being a foreign national is interfering with that right now ), losing weight.....but attitude is really hard.... I sometimes make little comments like when I went out of town for a week last week I would say "Please don't have any chick at the house !!!"....he would just look at me with this 'stop it already' look....but I can't help it....I guess I don't trust him 100% anymore .... He came home from work this morning (he's a cop) and when he laid down he was freezing so I just cuddled up to him from behind and we fell asleep....3 hours later I woke up to him laying in my arm caressing me........we had sex, but no kissing ..... Patience is a virtue.... ....that I don't have.....
gator12 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Attitude is the other thing you need to work on, you can't treat him as an SO anymore. Put that on your list along with school and weight it's a problem as well and I know you can fix it. And even if he doesn't come back, it doesn't matter you will be way better off if you fix all of those things, and you'll feel much more confident as a person. Stay strong, things will only get better. -Gator
Author loveforever Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 Attitude is the other thing you need to work on, you can't treat him as an SO anymore. Put that on your list along with school and weight it's a problem as well and I know you can fix it. And even if he doesn't come back, it doesn't matter you will be way better off if you fix all of those things, and you'll feel much more confident as a person. Stay strong, things will only get better. -Gator You know....I'm trying so hard not to see him as SO anymore..... I go to the store or to the movies and see guys and think "He's cute !!!!" but the very next second I think "But I love E. I don't want any other....." I just can't detach myself.... Problem is too that I still live at home and we have 2 kids....makes it really hard not to feel this way anymore.... I'm trying to put my mind in the right place but it's just not working.... :( :( ....you know....just thinking like "I will only take care and worry about myself, go out, have fun, flirt and maybe date and if he decides he wants back with me *Great* !!!!!.....I can't do it.....I try.... Arrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!
gator12 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 It takes time, simple as that. Until you get to that point though you just have to do everything you can to make sure he doens't know you're still so dependent on him. That turns a guy off like nothing else, we don't want women to be clingy, and while it may be great you still love him, he already knows that, he doesn't need to see it anymore until you two are back together. The ball is in his court right now so you just have to live your life. Spend time with some of your friends, with your kids. Just make the most of all the little things because they really are what matter. -Gator
Author loveforever Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 http://image60.webshots.com/60/9/41/40/539694140JOQxwZ_ph.jpg Thanks Gator !!!!!!!!
kimflute26 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Hey Gator, you go to UF? Or used to? Me too... current student : D. Just thought it was cool seeing a Gator on here.
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