iheartcookies Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 My bf and I hit a rough patch and we broke up over a week ago. He initiated the breakup, but I did my best to act mature and took everything smoothly. Since then I have tried to move on with my life, and he has continued to contact me and give me options of maybe "casually dating" and getting together in the future. I told him that I deserve commitment and if he doesn't want to give to me, we can be just friends. I am not an in-between girl or fwb. That was a few days ago and he asked if he could have time to think. I told him I would give him as long as he needed....Yesterday, he invited me over and he told me that he had enough time to think and that he wanted to give our relationship another shot. He said he missed me and he loved me. I agreed and I guess...we're back together. He hasn't changed his FB status since then, and we both say single. When we first got together he was very keen on changing his status ASAP. Now, he hasn't said or initiated anything. I feel like he is scared to announce again that we are back together, but it's a big deal to me for him to publically display it because it shows that he is not afraid to be committed to me. Should I initiate it this time and just send him a relationship request? Advice, please. Thanks.
Leandro Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 hmmm. I think FB ruins relationships, but I can understand you part. I would change it to "in a relationship". If he doesn't, oh well. nothing you can do about it. What's a relationship request?
kaygato Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 My bf and I hit a rough patch and we broke up over a week ago. He initiated the breakup, but I did my best to act mature and took everything smoothly. Since then I have tried to move on with my life, and he has continued to contact me and give me options of maybe "casually dating" and getting together in the future. I told him that I deserve commitment and if he doesn't want to give to me, we can be just friends. I am not an in-between girl or fwb. That was a few days ago and he asked if he could have time to think. I told him I would give him as long as he needed....Yesterday, he invited me over and he told me that he had enough time to think and that he wanted to give our relationship another shot. He said he missed me and he loved me. I agreed and I guess...we're back together. He hasn't changed his FB status since then, and we both say single. When we first got together he was very keen on changing his status ASAP. Now, he hasn't said or initiated anything. I feel like he is scared to announce again that we are back together, but it's a big deal to me for him to publically display it because it shows that he is not afraid to be committed to me. Should I initiate it this time and just send him a relationship request? Advice, please. Thanks. To be perfectly honest...I think you made a mistake by remaining in contact with him. You should have tried to go completely NC...at least for a month or 2. I honestly question how "committed" your bf is this time around. Even though he was the one who initiated the reconciliation...you're the one who pushed him to it by telling him "we can be either be friends or a couple". Trust me on this one, I'm speaking from experience. I just went through a similiar situation with my now ex-boyfriend. Now that he's agreed to get back with you...you can't change the first mistake you made. But all is not lost! Make sure you don't smother him and I wouldn't take his commitment very seriously. Honestly, try and act pretty indifferent and aloof to him and make him work for your love. Let him make all the "first moves"...and make sure to have your own life. Spend a lot of time with firends... See, what happened to me was I got really frustrated with my boyfriend because he wasn't acting like he really wanted to be with me anymore. Then we got in an argument and broke up again. So be sure to take things slow and steady.
gator12 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 (edited) To be perfectly honest...I think you made a mistake by remaining in contact with him. You should have tried to go completely NC...at least for a month or 2. I honestly question how "committed" your bf is this time around. Even though he was the one who initiated the reconciliation...you're the one who pushed him to it by telling him "we can be either be friends or a couple". Trust me on this one, I'm speaking from experience. I just went through a similiar situation with my now ex-boyfriend. Now that he's agreed to get back with you...you can't change the first mistake you made. But all is not lost! Make sure you don't smother him and I wouldn't take his commitment very seriously. Honestly, try and act pretty indifferent and aloof to him and make him work for your love. Let him make all the "first moves"...and make sure to have your own life. Spend a lot of time with firends... See, what happened to me was I got really frustrated with my boyfriend because he wasn't acting like he really wanted to be with me anymore. Then we got in an argument and broke up again. So be sure to take things slow and steady. I disagree in that I don't think it's too late, it's just a lot easier if you do it during NC. Like myself, we went on a break for a week, got back together and the same issues came up and we broke up a month later. I have had 2 months of NC almost now and I have fixed most if not all of my issues to a pretty respectable level. You cannot let your issues from the first time come back the second time. Since you guys didn't take a long break they will come back up unless you put in a really big effort to fight them. And I really really can't stress this enough. A lack of communication and the same issues ruin second chances and it's just bs. So work at it, the FB don't worry about it. Facebook doesn't mean anything give the guy a break. If facebook is how he shows he's committed to you that's frankly pathetic. Let his actions show it, the facebook think is literally unimportant right now. Right now you need to focus on the issues at hand. Not letting the past ruin your second chance, and working at this relationship because it is at best at 50% of what it once was right now. Don't rush things, take it slow, but work at it. Both of you give it your all and don't be afraid to communicate your issues with each other, just the FB isn't a big deal right now so don't bring it up so soon after a reconciliation. all the best -Gator Edited February 12, 2011 by gator12
kaygato Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Yeah I didn't mean to say it was too late...I guess I'm just bitter. Just really try and start from scratch. This is a whole new relationship and don't assume anything about how your bf will act. Definitely communicate about the past so that it doesn't come back and mess things up. But take things slow and make sure you communicate.
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