PositiveFuture Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Hi All My ex of 3 weeks has just texted me after no contact for 2 weeks. Text: Hi my name how are you? I'm having my birthday drinks friday 18th at blah bar it would be cool if you could make it I don't know what to do as I'm still very much in love with her. I'm not ready to be friends with her. I do miss her and her family so much thou and would be cool to catch up with them all as we were so close, but I just couldn't as her friend. Little history about us: been together for 14 months, lived together for 12 months. Everyone thinks we're the perfect couple and we look so good together. The reason we broke up is because I told her she had a drinking problem! let me rephrase that - I snapped at her big time. Thanks for any feedback....
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Now is not the time to reply to her, at least not in my opinion. This isn't completely a crumb because she did invite you to hang out with her, but she could just be trying to be friends with you. idk it's a hard call. Most exes will text you after NC and it'll just be crumbs that you have to ignore, no matter what they say until they say "I Miss you and want you back" anything else isn't worth it for you and will only give them power back. Maybe text her back and tell her that you're busy that day or something, that you have plans. But wait a day or two before you text her. The fact is she broke up with you and she needs to realize the implications of that fully. She may ask why you are busy, but you have no need to reply to that. Idk, I've got a decent amount of experience with NC, and this is definitly a tough one and you can easily argue both ways for it. I'd say go with your gut, but if you decide to not go, just send her a quick message telling her you're busy that night or something in a couple of days. -Gator
Author PositiveFuture Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 Thank you.. i've been reading allot of the ebooks about getting your ex back and they've said the same thing as you i.e. Don't reply straight away and also wait until she mentions that she wants to reconcile. It's so hard, but I know you're right. I just can't face her, her friends and her family as just her friend.
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Stay strong, my ex literally harassed my phone with messages and voicemails until now were are slowly getting back together *knock on wood*. It's patience, it's really hard but you can do it. She will come back if your relationship was meant to be, if not then you'll be moved on and ready for the next one. -Gator
Author PositiveFuture Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 I'm not sure what to text her back. What I mean is, I'm not going to her birthday party as a friend. So I'm thinking about saying something like this: Hi name, sorry i can't come Friday night. I just don't think being friends with an ex is a good idea... Any help with this sort of text would be much appreciated - it's doing my head in what to say... haha
PowerOfOne Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I'd just reply saying 'Sorry, I've got plans already - have a good night.' And that's it. If she pushes it, just make up an old friend that you're catching up with who is in town. When the question comes up 'can we still be friends?' or some varient of that just say 'I don't think friends is a good idea.' Again, just leave it at that. You'll have a crappy night if you go. So best to avoid it.
gator12 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I'm not sure what to text her back. What I mean is, I'm not going to her birthday party as a friend. So I'm thinking about saying something like this: Hi name, sorry i can't come Friday night. I just don't think being friends with an ex is a good idea... Any help with this sort of text would be much appreciated - it's doing my head in what to say... haha I agree with power, the best bet is to say you already had plans that night but don't tell her what they are. That'll peak her curiousity, I mean it must be important if you're skipping hanging out with her for it. I mean right now she expects you to be there and is going to be very shocked when you're not. After this go back to NC, until she is saying she wants to get back together, until then you have nothing to say to her. -Gator
Author PositiveFuture Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 (edited) Done... Think she has been viewing my profile on Facebook. I've added 3 new females in the last two weeks and one of them is Asian. This Asian girl is moving into my flat in a week’s time. She knows that I’ve had a few relationships with Asian girls in the past. I've also got photo's up, with me hanging out with the boys at different events. One of her best friend (person that got us together and whom I also work with) are hanging out as good friends again (we use to hang out together for a year and half as besties, before I meet my ex). She lives just around the corner, so we've been going for bikes rides and out for drinks a couple of times. There is nothing in it, like I said, we're besties before my ex... We both haven’t talked about my ex at all and I haven’t mention anything personal that’s going on in my life (except for training etc..) – as I know she’ll be passing info back.. I've always gone to the gym, but lately I’ve been working out extra hard at the gym and also on a very strict protein diet. People have noticed that I'm starting to look much more cut in now. I do have an athletic type build, but looking more ripped since the break up. Been working on myself for the last 3 weeks; brought a new mountain bike and some clothes... Also making sure that I don't just mope around the house all day - getting out and about doe's work wonders for a brain that never stops thinking... haha Edited February 12, 2011 by PositiveFuture
Author PositiveFuture Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 Thank You - Gator12 and PowerOfOne, your feedbacks have been of great help to me.
gator12 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 She didn't text back? To what, you not making it to the birthday thing? Don't sweat it, she probably is upset by it but that'll pass in time. NC takes time so don't worry you have plenty of it lol. She'll realize later it was unfair to ask you to drop your plans for only her as if she was still your gf. You've been doing great with NC, better than most this early on. Stay strong man, this little thing isn't going to stop her from coming back if she loves you. -Gator
Author PositiveFuture Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Thanks... my head is a bit screwy today, from it. Think I might’ve been looking too much into the text! You’ll right thou, she needs to let me know that she wants to work on us. Not fare to have me attend her birthday with all her family and friends there – like nothings wrong. It could put them and me in an uncomfortable position.
gator12 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Yep, it most likely would have lol. You shouldn't see her again until one of two things happen: she's interested in reconciling or you have moved on. Until then, things would only turn out badly for the both of you. Idk, NC is tough but in the end it's always worth it. -Gator
Author PositiveFuture Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 And that means no "Happy Birthday" text either, right... haha
gator12 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Yep, my ex tried contacting me last night and I ignored it, I'm almost expecting a Valentine's day text lol. But I can't reply. I'm a little past nC in comparison to most people here but I still don't reply for a few days If I choose too at all. -Gator
Author PositiveFuture Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) Just thought I’d share this, it has nothing to do with ex and I back together, but I just felt like sharing it: My best friend (and my ex’s best friend), told me the ex’s old workmate (who she hangs’s out with and gets advice from –even before we meet), tried to hit on her over the weekend at her birthday party- apparently she felt violated. This was the guy that always interfered in our relationship. He told me one week after her and I broke up “That’s she’s damaged goods, nobody can help her, she can’t help herself” and “you don’t want your children around someone like her”. BTW: this was around her drink allot. Anyway; now she’s lost her boyfriend and someone she hangs out with at lunchtime and after work drinks. Apparently she has written him off as a friend.. I’m happy in away that he’s done that, now she can see for herself what his true intentions were. Not saying or thinking in anyway this is going to want her to comeback to me, but glad she can see this guy for what he really is. Oh and he’s married too (his wife use to drink with us too)… Edited February 21, 2011 by PositiveFuture bad format
Recommended Posts