My NC Journal

[kaygato]

then dont!! dont think of him!! your in charge of your thoughts. have you seen Eat Love and Pray? check it out..parts of it rang so true for me..hang in there and remember this...He aint crying for you..Thats what my mom tells me when am sad(smile) nc nc nc nc

 

Yeah I know. I'm so fricken pissed and upset at him, though. I can't get over how easily replacable I was to him.

[stopthemadness]

Mad at him is good!! Try to stay mad. its sure beats the heck out of sad huh? No he didnt replace you honey, he just went to smone different. God ,it hurts like hell to write that, cause thats what mine did. Oh to hell with them!!..Have a great day.... stay busy..chat line lter 2day..maybe ill see you there huh?R u Kaygeto on there as well?

[kaygato]

Mad at him is good!! Try to stay mad. its sure beats the heck out of sad huh? No he didnt replace you honey, he just went to smone different. God ,it hurts like hell to write that, cause thats what mine did. Oh to hell with them!!..Have a great day.... stay busy..chat line lter 2day..maybe ill see you there huh?R u Kaygeto on there as well?

 

No, I've been going on there as "broken", but I think I'll switch to kaygato to be less confusing lol. Yeah, maybe I'll go on there later. You have a great day too!

[kaygato]

He's not coming back. It's over. I know this, but yet I still don't want to move on. I don't want a new relationship because I still wish I was with him.

 

Why does rejection do this to me? It's like I'm addicted to the pain. Why do I always want what I can't have? Why don't I appreciate what I have when I have it? Why am I so scared to love and trust someone who loves me, but I go crazy over someone who has rejected to me?

[kaygato]

10 days NC now. I'm happy to say I've finally let go of my ex. I have no hope and I'm ok with it. If another chance for us presented itself in the future I might take it if it felt right, but that would be the last chance. I still feel angry about him moving on so quickly, but the anger isn't consuming me the way it was before. I think it's because I've finally let go of him and am no longer thinking of us as together. I'm still hurt about it, but it no longer feels like he's cheating on me.

 

I'm just going to go with the flow and see where life takes me. I realize now that my inability to accept the break up and many of the issues in my life are caused by my anxiety about remaining in control. Uncertainty has always made me uncomfortable. I'm really quite insecure and definitely need to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin before I get involved in another relationship.

 

I actually feel somewhat better. I really think I've started to accept and let go.

[fiat500]

hey that's awesome! glad to read you are doing so well. you are in a much better place now.

[kaygato]

OMG I HATE THIS. My ex has been dominating my thoughts for most of the day. It makes me angry because he is seemingly happy, enjoying his life with a new gf, and doesn't seem to give a **** about me. I'm definitely sticking with NC, and I truly hope I don't ever run into him this summer.

 

I just wish I could forget that he ever existed. I missed him a lot earlier today and it just made me feel horrible. I have 2 exams in a few days and I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating and motivating myself. Please someone give me advice. How do I get him out of my thoughts? God I wish so badly I hadn't looked at his facebook and saw that he was in a new relationship. it's seriously messing with my head, and making me want a boyfriend just to feel less pathetic. What is wrong with me?

 

Why can't I stop thinking about him? And how do I get over my instinct to do things purely to see how he reacts? I just want to not care anymore. I just wish I couldn't feel anymore. This truly sucks.

[wmrjw82]

OMG I HATE THIS. My ex has been dominating my thoughts for most of the day. It makes me angry because he is seemingly happy, enjoying his life with a new gf, and doesn't seem to give a **** about me. I'm definitely sticking with NC, and I truly hope I don't ever run into him this summer.

 

I just wish I could forget that he ever existed. I missed him a lot earlier today and it just made me feel horrible. I have 2 exams in a few days and I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating and motivating myself. Please someone give me advice. How do I get him out of my thoughts? God I wish so badly I hadn't looked at his facebook and saw that he was in a new relationship. it's seriously messing with my head, and making me want a boyfriend just to feel less pathetic. What is wrong with me?

 

Why can't I stop thinking about him? And how do I get over my instinct to do things purely to see how he reacts? I just want to not care anymore. I just wish I couldn't feel anymore. This truly sucks.

 

I wish there were words that could take your pain away. We both know that isn't the case. Just know that there are others out there who feel and are in the same boat as you (including myself). I'm on day 27 of NC. Iam an admitted codependent. I find myself looking at her facebook but one thing that truly helps is unfriending them. You dont have to completely block them if you dont feel you are there yet but unfriending them will atleast stop you from seeing relationship status and their wall posts.

 

I'm sorry for your pain.

[kaygato]

I miss him today. A lot. Although in another thread I said I wanted to apologize for things, I'm waiting to do that till a few months from now. I'm still too emotional. So I'm sticking with NC. I just need to move on and stop thinking about him so often. It's hurting my ability to concentrate on classes. Somebody give me advice to get my ex out of my head. The only thing that seems to make it better is spending time with friends in person.