yolatanga Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Hi all, I'm new here. This is my first post after reading for a few weeks. Sorry if this gets a little long. Today was supposed to be our 8 yr anniversary living together. We broke up a few months ago. It was a real bad ending where he tore up the house basically and I had to call the police on him. He hired a lawyer and I had to move out. We have not had a meaningful discussion about our break up at all. He sent me an e-mail in the beginning accusing me of things that never happened. That was it. He's older than I and I seriously thinks he's lost his mind. Whenever he sees me at certain restaurants, he walks right out. We're talking in two seconds. He looks for my car and if he sees I am somewhere, he won't come in at all. I tried to talk to him in person or via e-mail, he shuns me each time. One time he threatened to call the police when I knocked on his door one morning. It's really painful to say the least. He's managed to make it seem that everything was my fault and I'm this horrible person he can't look at. Well anyway, fast forward to two weeks ago after I was moving on he sent me a short e-mail in the middle of a saturday night asking me how I was doing financially. I didn't answer at first and finally I told him not to send drunk'n e-mails since I doubt he gives a hoot what my situation is. Two days ago I got two checks in the mail from him. I was shocked. I don't get it. Why did he do that? I didn't respond to that move on his part. I didn't know what to say. He must have been waiting for a response when he sent me a note to say "he was out of town and did I get the money he sent?". I thanked him and told him I was shocked and confused. Especially after him shunning me several times. I said "I wish I knew what you were really thinking?". He didn't respond. WTH???
Author yolatanga Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Still no reply to my e-mail. I wonder if he is on vacaton with someone and he doesn't have the time to read his e-mails. It's driving me crazy today even though I shouldn't care.
depplover_1980 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 What were you arguing about the night you split? Why do you think you have split up from your perspective?
gator12 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 The guy probably isn't over you yet. I mean you guys had a LOOOOOONG relationship and it takes a long time ot move on from that. He could be trying to reach out but I doubt he will ask you back out, he got dumped so he has more dignity than that. Idk, if you still want to be with him its up to you to make any moves in that direction. If not, I would suggest not talking to him at all. -Gator
Author yolatanga Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 (edited) Hi, I should have been more clear about our break up. There was no argument. I was in bed trying to sleep when he came home in a rage after a night of drinking. He tore the house apart, called me every name in the book and threatened me. I had to call the cops. He stayed in a hotel for a month until I moved out. He hired a lawyer to do all the dirty work. He blamed me for everything. He was so desperate to get out of the relationship that he had to make stuff up. Stuff that never happened. I never cheated nor lied to him. I believe he must have been doing something bad and was trying to deflect his bad behavior onto me. I'm still traumatized by the whole thing. Why couldn't he be man enought to break it off in a mature way? Even his family cut me off. That really hurt when I asked them to look out for him for I fear his heavy drinking was a problem. Shunned. He's really a coward obviously. He's a 61 yr old wimp. I guess he wanted me to be taken care of while he is away with lord knows whom. I'd rather have him talk to me instead of sending me money with not even a note attached. He's feeling guilty and he should, but no amount of $$ is going to fix it. The mix signals are beyond confusing. Why ask me ?s in an e-mail after you told me months ago you blocked me and not answer? I hate games. Tell me why I miss this jerk again? I must be crazy. Edited February 13, 2011 by yolatanga
gator12 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 His drinking probably has a deep rooted cause that you are not aware of. Which is sad for him and I can sympathize with it, I can understand why he would feel guilty but he probably doesnt have the courage to talk to you about it at this point. Idk, seems like he's not someone you should be involved with unless you are prepared to deal with alcoholism. -Gator
depplover_1980 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 THIS: Tell me why I miss this jerk again? I must be crazy. Eventually you will see over and over again the reality of who he really his now. However with some many memories of him being a better man in your past, it is going to be hard to not miss him, miss what you once had. So you are going to need to grieve for the loss of that great man and your closeness, whilst constantly reminding yourself who he now is in your life; someone who has treated you like s h i t with zero regard for your emotional wellbeing. On a side note his alcoholism is the problem here but unless he wants to change he is a lost cause. Give AA a call yourself though and seek advice/support as someone who has been a victim of someone with a drink problem. You will be left with emotions specific to those surrounded by negative drunk behaviour, which they may be able to support on a little. At least it'shelp in the right direction and of course you have us lot now.
Author yolatanga Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Good advice. Thanks all. I see he sent me an e-mail on Valentine's Day. I have not opened it. Let him wonder why I haven't answered him. I have started a daily reminder of who he really is. Even recently I went to his house because I was all upset. He wouldn't open the door and said "he would call the cops if I didn't leave". OMG!!! Are you kidding me? A week later he sends me money?? I don't get it. Thankfully I have a therapy session today to help me deal with the insanity.
Author yolatanga Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 The games are still being played. I don't get why. He keeps going to my friends and asking about me. Why does he care? Of course they tell me and I ask him why he can't ask me those ?s. He tells them he wants to make sure I'm taking care of. I ask him what he means.. He doesn't reply. Last week he went to where I hang out. I was there to meet about 10 people. He was there before me. While he sat next to my friends I stood right next to him to make him feel uncomfortable. It worked, he left. Now I found out he's going to where I hang find out how much I had to drink or if I'm still there. WTH? I had owed the bar for one drink. He payed for that. Why? I called him and thanked him and said it was time for us to talk. No reply. He does all this stuff, but will not talk to me at all. Ugggh, beyond frustrated. What does he want from me?
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