First I was devastated, then frustrated, and now I´m getting angry...

[Yeahsussu]

Ok... I´m about to loose my mind cause I can´t get my thoughts and emotions under control. I´m such a mess and I don´t even know how to make any sense when I´m writing this post.

 

After living together with my BF for a year (we´ve been together for 1,5 years before that, long distance) I had to go back home to my country and he said he can´t do a LDR again cause he thinks it´s too hard. We love each other deeply but he told me to move on with my life and so will he, and he knows he can´t have a girlfriend right now as he´s gonna move away in a few months for a new temporary job.

 

It´s been over 3 weeks now and he still sends me these cute text messages, telling me how much he loves me and misses me, and how much he would want me in his bed with him to cuddle etc etc. This of course makes me happy to hear, but I can´t help feeling that he just wants to eat the cake but have it too?

 

Quite early on in our LDR (after 4 months or so) he was seeing some other chick but she cut it off straight away when she found out he had something going on with me. Anyway, we talked about that and he said it never was anything serious from his side. From his point of view we weren´t exclusives so he felt he had the right to see others. I was hurt but it was so early on in our relationship so I let it go.

 

However, I recently found out that he was seeing someone else just before I came over to his country to live with him. This was about 1,5 years into our relationship. Apparently they both knew I was coming but they were still seeing each other, and my "sources" told me that it wasn´t serious between them, but still??? Why do you "date" someone when your girlfriend (or wateva I was) is coming over soon?? We never really decided on if we were exclusives or not when we had our LDR (but we were practically together, not just officially), we just had "a special bond" and we knew we loved each other.

 

We had an awesome time living together, and I´ve never been this happy with anyone, and didn´t know this kind of love even existed. He treated me like a princess and I just felt he was my soul mate. But his past is bugging me, and I feel like I can´t trust him now, not after I found out he had something going on with a chick before I came to his country.

He sends me these nice text messages and stuff, and tells me cute things when we´re on msn, but at the same time he can´t be together with me. WTF? I´m afraid of mentioning all of this to him cause I don´t wanna push him away and eliminating my chances of getting back together with him.

 

I just don´t know how to deal with this. He loves me, I know that, we didn´t wanna break up. But he couldn´t deal with having a LDR again. Of course I get really happy when he sends me these cute text messages, but at the same time I´m trying to keep my distance... I don´t want him to play with my feelings, but I feel so weak when I´m responding back in the same way he writes his messages to me..

 

And now I´m starting to feel anger towards him for not being willing to go the extra mile and do the LDR with me, and that he just cut it off like that without warning. And I´m angry about how he had things going on with these girls while we were "seeing" each other.. Gahh.

 

How can I mention this to him without freaking him out too much? Or what should I do? Thanks heaps if anyone read through all this mess...... =)