SunsetRed Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I'm putting so much effort into moving on with my life and I'm putting tons of effort into being appreciative of the things I currently have and the good things coming my way. That being said..my mind keeps wondering back to xMM and the wife he went back to. I can't imagine that it's working, as it seemed to never really work and plus, they were separated 3 years when he went back. I hate myself for wishing bad on somebody, but I keep wishing that it will end and he'll realize what he had with me really was something special. I'm wishing for them to fight, for her to through him out and for them to have too much bitterness btwn them to ever make it work again. It is so karmically wrong for me to be wishing loss or relationship destruction on someone else. I keep repressing my thoughts, but they are undenialby there. I've read all the Law of Attraction material and I do know that when I am wishing anything less than happiness for someone else, whatever I'm wishing comes back to me. I can only control my thoughts so much...or can I? Anyone else dealing with this struggle? They've been back together 5 months now and I do know that as of Nov, things weren't going well. I keep thinking that enough time has gone by and I've done such a great job with NC that it's time for him to show up in my life again.
Spark1111 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I think you are......very human and normal! But I think you could be running the risk of wishing your life away, and that will ultimately hurt you in the long run. The only person you can control is you, and as long as you are hoping? wishing? to resume the relationship.....well, again, years could go by. So you have NC, but no true life either. It is quite normal to mourn the end of a relationship, but since you cannot truly KNOW what is going on in their relationship, please, please, please focus on you and your life now. Make it the best it can be, without him because there is no guarantee he will return to you. Why set yourself up for more heartache?
lovingwhatis Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Sunset, you have described the thing I feel is misguided with trying to think positively. It's like pushing a beach ball underwater, it inevitably pops up and hits you in the face. What will happen if you let the emotions just be? Not judging them, trying to eradicate them, suppress them, convert them, package and repackage them, will them away? I know, not easy, but there is actually a way to stop fighting with yourself and guilt tripping yourself. Karma definitely is part of the greater picture, but I don't feel it is like a scorecard. That's our own judgments generalized.
Summer Breeze Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Spot on Spark. There aren't any real words of comfort when you lose someone you love. It could be a grandmother or a friend. It could be your sister moving away or your first boyfriend going off to university. I'm not a huge fan of the Twilight series but in the second one I remember Bella sitting in her room as the months passed. And passed. And passed. Life went on around her but she had no life at all. I was her several times in my life and I wish to God I hadn't been. Don't be Bella. Don't let life go on without you. Jump in.
TigerCub Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Sunset, you have described the thing I feel is misguided with trying to think positively. It's like pushing a beach ball underwater, it inevitably pops up and hits you in the face. What will happen if you let the emotions just be? Not judging them, trying to eradicate them, suppress them, convert them, package and repackage them, will them away? I know, not easy, but there is actually a way to stop fighting with yourself and guilt tripping yourself. Karma definitely is part of the greater picture, but I don't feel it is like a scorecard. That's our own judgments generalized. Great post Loving! Sunset, I agree. Don't fight your feelings, feel what you feel, but don't obsess over something that you don't fully know. If he's miserable, like you hope, he probably does miss you - but you wont ever know that. If he's miserable and doesn't get out - then he deserves his crappy life - simply because he's not taking charge of his own life to find his happiness. You can be smarter and better than him - you take charge of your life and do what you need to do to make yourself happy. The process that you're going through is very normal - I went through it a bit too, but I eventually came to a point where I realized that I'll never know the truth, I'll never know what his life @ home is like, I'll never know if he's happy, if he missed me, if he loved me - I'll never know any of these things so all those feelings and questions began to subside with time. You too will get there. Don't beat yourself up over you feelings and questions - it is very normal
usher1310 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Im abit like that at the mo; vengeful thoughts and all, but the thing that makes us better people is that although we may think it...we have a choice...and we are the strong people who dont act on it. and that is what makes us the mature, respectable, adults we are. We can rise above it. I have now taken the opinion that although it is hard i am going to make the best of my life...i will have success and happiness. When i get there i may well not think about him again, but if i do at least i will know it was his loss thats hes not there to share in that.
East7 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 That being said..my mind keeps wondering back to xMM and the wife he went back to. I can't imagine that it's working, as it seemed to never really work and plus, they were separated 3 years when he went back. . SR, it is normal to be angry at someone who threw you under the bus, no one wants to wish silly wussy things like "I love you unconditionally, I want you to be happy..blah blah" Instead the most natural reaction is "F**ck you! " I can tell you with certitude there will be a day when you'll be in a better place, you'll not even care if MM is happy with his wife or not, you will not really give a damn, believe me
Author SunsetRed Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 Thank you everyone. I know that the day will come when I won't give a damn about him. I don't give a damn about my exes before him and with each of those exes I went through a long grieving period. What is different about this break up, is that I am forcing myself to live my life. I have to literally force myself and kick my own butt to do it, but I am living. I've gone to dances and social events and I'm even going out with a guy I met online. Online Guy is nice and I can tolerate and even enjoy his personality. LOL He is currently between jobs and has severe Attention Deficit w/ Hyperactivity but for a guy from Plenty of Fish he's not too bad. He does have some $$ so I'm not paying for our dates and when I started to date online, I decided to cut the unemployed guys a break, as no one's job is secure rt now, not even mine. I am currently looking to meet new people, not a provider, so thats how I ended up seeing an unemployed guy. Still...he's so ADD and hyper that it's like listening to Robin Williams do a monologue on speed. Funny, but it makes me miss how my xMM had EVERY quality I wanted in a husband. At the moment I am abstaining from sex (at least w this guy) as sleeping w someone will definetly make me miss MM.
steelknife Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I'm putting so much effort into moving on with my life and I'm putting tons of effort into being appreciative of the things I currently have and the good things coming my way. That being said..my mind keeps wondering back to xMM and the wife he went back to. . I hate myself for wishing bad on somebody, but I keep wishing that it will end and he'll realize what he had with me really was something special. I'm wishing for them to fight, for her to through him out and for them to have too much bitterness btwn them to ever make it work again. It is so karmically wrong for me to be wishing loss or relationship destruction on someone else. I keep repressing my thoughts, but they are undenialby there. I've read all the Law of Attraction material and I do know that when I am wishing anything less than happiness for someone else, whatever I'm wishing comes back to me. I can only control my thoughts so much...or can I? Anyone else dealing with this struggle? They've been back together 5 months now and I do know that as of Nov, things weren't going well. I keep thinking that enough time has gone by and I've done such a great job with NC that it's time for him to show up in my life again. youre not alone. i feel the same thing, i wish the same thing. just for xmm to feel the hurt that i feel. but come to thnk of it-that is THEIR life. and if i didnt poke my nose where it belong, it doesnt concern me at all. there is another story to xmm and me getting together. but having said that, the affair has been done and drama-ed with. and ended in a totally bad note i totally did not expect. but whats the point? i am exactly in the same page as you. but i need to help myself i am totally spiralling down. i cant keep wishing bad on them. after all, xmm was the one who hurt me big time. i tried very hard to distance myself from them. and in my mind, i have concious deliberate effort not to thnk of him and what he has done to me. bec clearly the bad outweighs the good. sometimes i succeed, but when i dont, thats the time i get so crappy and grouchy blaming myself again and again.. how would i ever let go? thats the question. we all make mistakes in our lives. some people are just out there who we should never trust. but if all is said and done. what is there to do? life goes on, right? be strong. i am trying hard to be.
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