elaina Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 (edited) Hello, I have a some questions concerning this. First of all, I was raised as a good girl, and I remember how there were distinctions between girls labeled "good" and "bad." For example, when I was 14, one of my 16 year old girl friends got pregnant, and was thus labeled "bad" My parents didn't let me spend time with her after that... (don't get mad at my parents or mock them or anything please!... I think they were just worried that if I hung around her more, that I'd get involved with the "wrong crowd" and get pregnant as a young teen) I always wonder what happened to her... can't find her on facebook or anything now. I know that having sex when young and/or getting pregnant does NOT make someone "bad", but that was the stereotype, and what I've heard growing up is that some guys (not all) like to play with bad girls, and marry good girls. Is this correct or do you think it's a negative, rude, and mean stereotype that should be abolished? Do guys make no distinction between "easy" girls and those who wait for who they want to marry or have a long term relationship with? I ask because it seems that some guys do have this distinction. Also, I'm not a squeaky clean "good girl" anymore, and I wonder if that would hurt my desire to marry someone who sees me not as "easy" short-term material. What do you think please? Thanks Edited February 11, 2011 by elaina
Nexus One Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 (edited) I think a lot of men DO make that distinction, but not exactly in the way that you describe it. I can only talk for myself on this point, so here is my view on it. I do make a distinction between girls/women that I find merely hot and girls/women that I find beautiful. The hot women are just that, hot, and those I wouldn't see as girlfriend/marriage material. But beautiful girls, and with beautiful I mean they have the whole package, those I would consider as girlfriend/marriage material. Now let me define beautiful here. To me the term beautiful, apart from beauty itself, also encompasses intelligence, class, compassion, loving attitude, potential maternal qualities, kindness towards others, mature attitude. But that's my opinion. It's possible men are going to classify you. If you come across as a slut, then obviously you will not be considered girlfriend/marriage material, except with the absolute bottom feeders. Also it's not about how "clean" you are as you put it, although that could be a factor for some guys, but most will look at you as the person you are NOW and how you reflect back on your past if it that past has been a wild one for example. So yeah men do kind of look at it that way, especially men who at one point in their life might want to have children. And some men indeed like to play with bad girls, but certainly not all of them. You also need to make a distinction between certain types of men. How are they NOW and how do they reflect back on their past and are they sincere about that? and I wonder if that would hurt my desire to marry someone who sees me not as "easy" short-term material.It wouldn't hurt your chances if you are a great person to him NOW and if you make it clear that you reflect on your past in a mature way and that you are loyal to him. But loyalty goes both ways, so don't just focus on yourself regarding that. A relationship is a two way street, it has to be. Edited February 11, 2011 by Nexus One
Author elaina Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Now let me define beautiful here. To me the term beautiful, apart from beauty itself, also encompasses intelligence, class, compassion, loving attitude, potential maternal qualities, kindness towards others, mature attitude. But that's my opinion. Nexus One, That's an amazing definition wow!!! I hope that someday a man will consider me beautiful in all these traits that you mention. It's possible men are going to classify you. If you come across as a slut, then obviously you will not be considered girlfriend/marriage material, except with the absolute bottom feeders. Also it's not about how "clean" you are as you put it, although that could be a factor for some guys, but most will look at you as the person you are NOW and how you reflect back on your past if it that past has been a wild one for example. Ok, that's cool thanks. So yeah men do kind of look at it that way, especially men who at one point in their life might want to have children. And some men indeed like to play with bad girls, but certainly not all of them. You also need to make a distinction between certain types of men. How are they NOW and how do they reflect back on their past and are they sincere about that? Good point It wouldn't hurt your chances if you are a great person to him NOW and if you make it clear that you reflect on your past in a mature way and that you are loyal to him. But loyalty goes both ways, so don't just focus on yourself regarding that. A relationship is a two way street, it has to be. True great points thanks!!!
Ay Diesel T Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Nexus made very good points. And I agree with him on all points but the last, and the disagreement isn't really 100%. For some reason or another, if a woman was slutty in her recent past (Months - 3 or so years), I won't really see her as LTR material. Not really sure, to me it cheapens them. And at this point, I want to be with a woman who deserves me, and all the love I'll give to her. My love and affection is something earned, at least in my eyes. So not just any woman can get it. Especially not a woman who is/has been giving herself out like candy to men. No thanks.
Author elaina Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Nexus made very good points. And I agree with him on all points but the last, and the disagreement isn't really 100%. For some reason or another, if a woman was slutty in her recent past (Months - 3 or so years), I won't really see her as LTR material. Not really sure, to me it cheapens them. And at this point, I want to be with a woman who deserves me, and all the love I'll give to her. My love and affection is something earned, at least in my eyes. So not just any woman can get it. Especially not a woman who is/has been giving herself out like candy to men. No thanks. What about if she had been in a relationship where she thought it was going to be a long term one but ended up that the guy didn't see it that way? I ask this cause this happened to me, and now I'm worried about it. I don't go around sleeping with guys... I have only slept with 4 men and the first was my exhusband. The other 3 were guys I wanted a long term relationship with and it didn't happen. Is this then considered "slutty?" I ask also because there's a guy who I really like who wants a long term relationship and is interested in me. I don't know how much to tell him though, and I'm worried that he might consider me not wife material if I tell him, but at the same time, I want to be honest and if he asks me, to let him know. I did tell him that I can't stay at his house because I don't think I could resist not seducing him , which I'm worried may have already hurt how he sees me, I don't know.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 What about if she had been in a relationship where she thought it was going to be a long term one but ended up that the guy didn't see it that way? I ask this cause this happened to me, and now I'm worried about it. I don't go around sleeping with guys... I have only slept with 4 men and the first was my exhusband. The other 3 were guys I wanted a long term relationship with and it didn't happen. Is this then considered "slutty?" I ask also because there's a guy who I really like who wants a long term relationship and is interested in me. I don't know how much to tell him though, and I'm worried that he might consider me not wife material if I tell him, but at the same time, I want to be honest and if he asks me, to let him know. I did tell him that I can't stay at his house because I don't think I could resist not seducing him , which I'm worried may have already hurt how he sees me, I don't know. No that's not slutty at all.
Floridaman Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) What about if she had been in a relationship where she thought it was going to be a long term one but ended up that the guy didn't see it that way? I ask this cause this happened to me, and now I'm worried about it. I don't go around sleeping with guys... I have only slept with 4 men and the first was my exhusband. The other 3 were guys I wanted a long term relationship with and it didn't happen. Is this then considered "slutty?" That's not promiscuous behavior. Slutty IMHO is almost a careless attitude and going from guy to guy. Men can be sluts as well. I ask also because there's a guy who I really like who wants a long term relationship and is interested in me. I don't know how much to tell him though, and I'm worried that he might consider me not wife material if I tell him, but at the same time, I want to be honest and if he asks me, to let him know. I did tell him that I can't stay at his house because I don't think I could resist not seducing him , which I'm worried may have already hurt how he sees me, I don't know.[/ It wouldn't be wise to get into that kind of conversation early in the relationship. If it does come up, just answer in generalities- not specifics. Same for after engagement/ marriage. The other partner, though he/she may inquire, doesn't really need to know the specifics, locations, how many times, etc., just that this occurred etc. Though some things have to be discussed, like an abortion, an alcoholic past, etc., but not until later in the relationship. Getting too specific can cause some unneeded problems for either side. If you think the other person is a virgin, then you can preface your history with, "I hope you understand, and I'm not proud of this... but..." The thing is, the other person would be marrying you in the present, not your past. On being a "good girl," don't get to thinkin' you're not a good girl. What you described couldn't be considered "bad girl" behavior. Adults understand things happen and people have pasts. Edited March 13, 2011 by Floridaman
depplover_1980 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 The question you need to ask yourself is whether you would want to be with a man who was so judgemental because you felt relaxed enough to want sex with them? I am what you would call 'easy': if I like a guy, then I will have ex with him immediately and it never concerns me regarding what he thinks of me, as everything that comes out of my mouth is more important. I have never been 'used' in my life because I only pick men who I know think along similar wavelengths.
fishtaco Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 The question you need to ask yourself is whether you would want to be with a man who was so judgemental because you felt relaxed enough to want sex with them? I am what you would call 'easy': if I like a guy, then I will have ex with him immediately and it never concerns me regarding what he thinks of me, as everything that comes out of my mouth is more important. I have never been 'used' in my life because I only pick men who I know think along similar wavelengths. I like this. There are other more important things to worry about when deciding if a person is compatible for a relationship.
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