Hote204 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 This is a long story so get ready. Together 2 years, living together for 6 months. A few months after we met, i caugh him cheating on me. He had a girl 12 years younger than him round his house. I know i should have left then but i was so into him, i gave it another try. Since then we have had lots of problems such as!: 1. constantly flirty with women on facebook (its like he encourages them to flirt with him and when they ask him out, he ignores them!) 2. When we fight, he hits himself in the face and turns over chairs, hits doors etc. This has happened about 4 times. He actually hit himself in the face in middle of the city centre one Saturday. 3. Talks to his mum like crap - he actually made her cry once for putting carrotts on his plate 4. He is so secretive with his phone, he even takes it to the toilet with him. When i've checked it he has always deleted the "sent" box 5. He gave his number out a few months ago to a lady he met whilst at work who was then text flirting with him 6. Refused to change his facebook status from Single 7. He once called me a C**t and a whore Now, dont get me wrong, i'm not one of those chicks that like to be treated like dirt and i left him 3 months ago. I know this sounds bad but i cant help but fall for his apologies and his crying. He has swore to me that he will change but all hes bothered about is that i should move back into his house. Ive never loved someone like him but i am beginning to see he's a manipulative jerk. My family hate him and my friends think i would be mad to go back there. Anyone else been here..it really is the pits of hell! Thanks
GreenPolicy Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 People like this don't change. Feel free to find that out the hard way.
cerridwen Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 (edited) This is a long story so get ready. Together 2 years, living together for 6 months. A few months after we met, i caught him cheating on me. He had a girl 12 years younger than him round his house. I know i should have left then but i was so into him, i gave it another try. Since then we have had lots of problems such as!: 1. constantly flirty with women on facebook (its like he encourages them to flirt with him and when they ask him out, he ignores them!) 2. When we fight, he hits himself in the face and turns over chairs, hits doors etc. This has happened about 4 times. He actually hit himself in the face in middle of the city centre one Saturday. 3. Talks to his mum like crap - he actually made her cry once for putting carrotts on his plate 4. He is so secretive with his phone, he even takes it to the toilet with him. When i've checked it he has always deleted the "sent" box 5. He gave his number out a few months ago to a lady he met whilst at work who was then text flirting with him 6. Refused to change his facebook status from Single 7. He once called me a C**t and a whore Now, dont get me wrong, i'm not one of those chicks that like to be treated like dirt and i left him 3 months ago. I know this sounds bad but i cant help but fall for his apologies and his crying. He has swore to me that he will change but all hes bothered about is that i should move back into his house. Ive never loved someone like him but i am beginning to see he's a manipulative jerk. My family hate him and my friends think i would be mad to go back there. Anyone else been here..it really is the pits of hell! Thanks I used to fall for apologies too, OP. It's common. You want to believe they've changed. Yet, he won't change a thing--just become more sneaky about it. Yes, he's really that bad. Hard to fathom because he's got good qualities but in some, selfishness knows no bounds. This person is unhealthy in many serious ways. That you left shows some semblence of self-respect. Hold onto that. Keep moving forward or you'll backslide into an even worse situation. Think this is the pits of hell? No way. There are far worse things to come staying with him. Run Hote204, right to your nearest library. You need to read about how common and serious his issues are. My ex had a terrible relationship with his mother. She is a nice woman; the issues are on his side. Despite being obsessed with them, he actually resented women. Please read up on this problem (men who dislike their mothers & how it affects relationships), it helped me realize what a lost cause he was. It will help you too. You'll recognize behaviors. Also, read up serial/chronic cheaters and women who put up with the behavior. Of what you've listed above, my ex did the equivalent of #1,3,4,and 5. Once I realized he wasn't going to change I left. It's hard at first sure, but so very worth it! I used to read the website The Truth about Deception. It was illuminating. Check it out. Read their message board and you'll see stories similar to our own. It requires work to undo these feelings, OP. Put the work in and you'll get results. Best to you. Edited February 11, 2011 by cerridwen
kaygato Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I used to fall for apologies too, OP. It's common. You want to believe they've changed. Yet, he won't change a thing--just become more sneaky about it. Yes, he's really that bad. Hard to fathom because he's got good qualities but in some, selfishness knows no bounds. This person is unhealthy in many serious ways. That you left shows some semblence of self-respect. Hold onto that. Keep moving forward or you'll backslide into an even worse situation. Think this is the pits of hell? No way. There are far worse things to come staying with him. Run Hote204, right to your nearest library. You need to read about how common and serious his issues are. My ex had a terrible relationship with his mother. She is a nice woman; the issues are on his side. Despite being obsessed with them, he actually resented women. Please read up on this problem (men who dislike their mothers & how it affects relationships), it helped me realize what a lost cause he was. It will help you too. You'll recognize behaviors. Also, read up serial/chronic cheaters and women who put up with the behavior. I used to read the website The Truth about Deception. It was illuminating. Check it out. Read their message board and you'll see stories similar to your own. Best to you. I'm just curious... my ex really had a lot of resentment towards his mom. I have reason to believe it's somewhat fair because he's the oldest kid and she always puts him down and basically says he's a bad example to his younger siblings. He's 19, a sophomore in college, and even though he's not the best student I wouldn't say he's a "bad example". He just has trouble applying himself. Overall, though, he's a good kid. But he really seems to resent her and he'd call her a bitch a lot. He'd also say the same about his sister who was in high school. It always bothered me...well, more him putting down his mom not so much the sister...and I'd tell him it bothered me to hear him call her that. She's a stay at home mom and he doesn't seem to respect her at all, but he puts his dad up on a pedestal. I'm sure his mom does have issues but he seems to play the victim role with her. I'm just curious what that could mean about him.
D78 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 ...i caugh him cheating on me... 4. He is so secretive with his phone, he even takes it to the toilet with him. When i've checked it he has always deleted the "sent" box... 5. He gave his number out a few months ago to a lady he met whilst at work who was then text flirting with him... 6. Refused to change his facebook status from Single... Hote204, Don't go back to this guy. He's already cheated on you, and when you gave him a second chance, he's doing it again it seems. Are you really okay with him giving his number to other women, who text him and flirt with him? Are you really okay with snooping through his phone? I'm no expert, but I've always thought it would be better to just break up with someone before I read their email or snooped through their phone. 2. When we fight, he hits himself in the face and turns over chairs, hits doors etc. This has happened about 4 times. He actually hit himself in the face in middle of the city centre one Saturday. I've probably seen Fight Club one too many times, but do you really trust this guy not to call the police and blame you for hitting him in the face? He doesn't seem like the most stable person. Now, dont get me wrong, i'm not one of those chicks that like to be treated like dirt and i left him 3 months ago. Good for you for leaving him. If you go back to him, you will be exactly one of those chicks that like to be treated like dirt. Listen to your friends and family, and stay gone. Good luck.
cerridwen Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 (edited) I'm just curious... my ex really had a lot of resentment towards his mom...But he really seems to resent her and he'd call her a bitch a lot. He'd also say the same about his sister who was in high school. It always bothered me...well, more him putting down his mom not so much the sister...and I'd tell him it bothered me to hear him call her that. She's a stay at home mom and he doesn't seem to respect her at all, but he puts his dad up on a pedestal. I'm sure his mom does have issues but he seems to play the victim role with her. I'm just curious what that could mean about him. I don't think it's a thread jack to respond to this. The OP mentions the same problem in her post... Kaygato, have you ever heard the adage "If you want to know how he'll treat you, take a look at how he treats his mother"? It's proven true throughout my life especially. It was impossible to overcome the negative opinions my last ex had about women. Your ex seems to have reason to resent females but why sign up for that? Better to find a person with a healthy relationship with Mom. You can Google "how he treats his mother" to get some idea of the popular opinion on the subject. It's the Internet so check for reputable sources. Edited February 11, 2011 by cerridwen
kaygato Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Yeah, sorry didn't mean to hijack the thread. Thanks cerridwen for the advice. And I agree with what's been said to the OP...please don't go back to him. He'll just go back to treating you like crap again. Maybe losing you will teach him a lesson... But please find someone who treats you like the wonderful woman I'm sure you are.
JasonRules Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 This is the biggest red flag: "3. Talks to his mum like crap" If you want to know how your man will treat you, all you have to do is look at how he talks/treats his mother. If he loves and respects her than that's what you'll get. If he doesn't, then that's what you'll get.
depplover_1980 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Your ex is a piece of s h i t person, it is that pure and simple. You should explore why you even tolerated him for so long to be honest and know you can do much better in your life.
kourtney01 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 You're right...he is a manipulative jerk. And it's the manipulative ones that are hardest to get over because ....THEY MANIPULATE YOU!!!!....so that you ALWAYS question yourself and ALWAYS excuse their behavior. There's probably a part of you that wants to 'fix' this broken thing so that you can win his heart once and for all. Let that go. Take it from someone who speaks from experience...even if things were to get better, you will never EVER trust him...and eventually, he will fall right back into his old habits...and it will hurt a HECK of a lot more when he does that after all the hope and faith he put inside you by showing you a glimpse of good behavior for a short period of time. You deserve better!
cerridwen Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 You're right...he is a manipulative jerk. And it's the manipulative ones that are hardest to get over because ....THEY MANIPULATE YOU!!!!....so that you ALWAYS question yourself and ALWAYS excuse their behavior. There's probably a part of you that wants to 'fix' this broken thing so that you can win his heart once and for all. Let that go. Take it from someone who speaks from experience...even if things were to get better, you will never EVER trust him...and eventually, he will fall right back into his old habits...and it will hurt a HECK of a lot more when he does that after all the hope and faith he put inside you by showing you a glimpse of good behavior for a short period of time. You deserve better! You tell 'em sister!! GooooKourtney!
Author Hote204 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Thanks for the replies everyone! I told him we can never get back together on Sat and he broke down (lay on the floor crying, begging and pleading). It wa pretty horific to watch but i imagine that was the desired affect. Will have to spend some time trying to put my life back together now..great!
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