friends

[CharlotteCraig]

I live alone and only hvae one good friend that I live near to and see. I am by the sea and surrounded by fields. So this is the only person I usually see, about once a week. I work on the computer all the time so that is isolating although I love it. I do not want my social life to be on there too by the way. The only thing about my life I want different is to have more friends. Not a partner, I do not want one. I sometimes manage to get to a group or club thing nearish to me but it is difficult as I am not near enough and cannot afford a car ot transport. But when I get there all the others have gone their with their friend or their partner and stick with them and go home with them. The best I get sometimes is that they might want to pop in for a coffee one day when they are driving past if they feel like it, without arranging it first or checking it is convenient first and if I let them they just want to use me as an unpaid therapist and counsellor and then go back to their friends and family for normal stuff. They do not even want to give me their phone number and address, which is all very one sided.

 

Now the friend I am asking you about. He is a lot older than me and lives where I used to live a long way away. He is 85 now! He lives on his own and in may ways we have nothing in common. He is lazy, I am hardworking. He cannot read and write, I am well educated. He is terrible with money, I am careful with it. He lives in a rented room, I live in a nice paid for house. But we got to know each other when I lived near him before I moved. He then wanted to come and stay at my house regularly for free holidays. Now I have to watch the money very carefully, especially as I live on my own with no husband or partner helping.

 

This male friend would want to invite himself to come and stay for a few days for bed and breakfast and spending time with me. If I wanted to do bed and breakfast here I could and I coudl charge a lot for it as its a nice house. He would invite himself and turn up and stay for a few days, which also would mean I am expected not to work those days and keep him company.

 

Because I was very lonely I allowed him to come and stay. But he has started to lose his temper a lot and shout a lot and start bossing me around. Also gets very nosey. Once he went into my bedroom and looked through my wardrobes and then came downstairs and tried to demand that I give away most of my clothes saying they are a waste of money. The truth is that he only has the clothes he stands up in.

 

I told him that he must pay something towards his keep when he comes and he would bring some food, but not a lot. His temper is terrible and he gets very bossy and argumentative. Sometimes he tries to interfere in all sorts that he does not understand and gets all of his facts wrong. For example, he would try to boss me around about how I do my work on the computer - when he cannot read and write and has never used a computer!! Then he started suggesting we have sex together and got very stroppy when I said no. He didnt suggest we have a relationship, and that would be bad enough when he is about 35 years older than me, but just casual sex, which is even more insulting.

 

We had a huge argument and in a way I do not want to leave it like this as he is 85 but I am sure that he sees me as someone who is just ther to give him free holidays and maybe sex too and thinks he can lose his temper and shout and rave and boss me about because he has no respect for me.

 

Once he had a friend who became senile and got in a terrible state with his memory. And he used to go around his shouting and raving at him that he should remember things. He does not seem to have any consideration or care for others.

 

I do not want to leave it just as it is with no speaking yet if I contac thim, he will know I hve weaked and start getting nasty or demanding again.

[green_tea]

Well he doesn't seem like a good friend to me...are you hanging onto him because you think he is your only friend? Personally, I would rather have no friends than put up with bad friends.