heman Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 A woman and I have a sexual relationship, and now she told me she is pregnant with my baby. We've known each other years ago and we've met early this year and we started to have sex. I'm married. She’s married. What should I do? She told me I can keep the baby when she delivered the baby (because she’s ashamed about this, she’s busy, she’s making ends meet and can’t take care of the baby); And she said because I am the biological father. I’m trying to provide for her needs while she’s pregnant. She is married too with children but she lives separately from her husband. I am a married man with children of my own, a family, and having a good relationship with my wife even though she works in another state and our marriage is okay, but this is why this situation have happened because I have sexual needs but my wife's not with me because she works far away. How this economic crisis brought a heavy toll. Our children are with me. I pity the baby of this woman I have sex with because the baby already has a life. This woman is not my girlfriend we just have sex but I’m stopping it, no more. And now MY QUESTIONS; Which is better to do, Do I have my close relative couple, a cousin & his wife or a brother & his wife (who wanted a baby of their own) adopt the baby or do I have a non-relative (who wanted a baby of their own) adopt the baby? For me, I wanted to have a close relative adopt my baby because I will know how the baby is treated by them and I will know where they are or will be because they are a close relative and I can always go there and look. But the problem is this when my wife knows this will she not become resentful to my cousin or my brother why they adopt the baby without telling her and affect the peace in our family. It's okay with me if my wife will get angry with me because it is my fault and a big one but my cousin or my brother or which of them that will become an adopted parent will have no fault because they will only be trying to help me and they wanted a baby of their own. And if a non-relative couple will adopt the baby I can't possibly know how they treat the baby because I don't know them personally and I will not always have knowledge where they will be because we are not close and they are not my relative so i will just be in a distant far. I think you understand what I'm writing here. You may think this is confusing, yeah, I'm so confused right now what to do and what to decide. In short, which is better couple to adopt the baby with regard in my part and of my family, and for the baby too. Yeah, I have messed things up for I thought at first I cannot anymore impregnate a woman, I have believed I was sterile for I and my wife have tried to have another baby but could not (anymore). But when the woman I had sexual relation with have informed me she's pregnant positively with my baby, and then she told me she have to have an abortion I forbid her because for me it's a big sin to take a baby, an innocent one's life. So that’s it. This problem is already here now and I cannot do anything to take it back, hence, I NEE ADVICES FROM GOOD AND KIND PEOPLE, FROM GOOD PEOPLE WHO CAN EMPATHIZE MY SITUATION so I can make good decision FOR THE WELFARE OF THE INNOCENT BABY AND FOR MY FAMILY’S PEACE, SERIOUSLY.
PegNosePete Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Tell your wife. Tell OW's husband. Get a paternity test when the baby is born. How do you know it is really yours? You are both liars and cheats so how do you know the woman is not lying to you as well as her husband? Work out a solution between the 4 of you, putting the needs of the baby and the other children first.
Distant78 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 A woman and I have a sexual relationship, and now she told me she is pregnant with my baby. We've known each other years ago and we've met early this year and we started to have sex. I'm married. She’s married. What should I do? She told me I can keep the baby when she delivered the baby (because she’s ashamed about this, she’s busy, she’s making ends meet and can’t take care of the baby); And she said because I am the biological father. I’m trying to provide for her needs while she’s pregnant. She is married too with children but she lives separately from her husband. I am a married man with children of my own, a family, and having a good relationship with my wife even though she works in another state and our marriage is okay, but this is why this situation have happened because I have sexual needs but my wife's not with me because she works far away. How this economic crisis brought a heavy toll. Our children are with me. I pity the baby of this woman I have sex with because the baby already has a life. This woman is not my girlfriend we just have sex but I’m stopping it, no more. And now MY QUESTIONS; Which is better to do, Do I have my close relative couple, a cousin & his wife or a brother & his wife (who wanted a baby of their own) adopt the baby or do I have a non-relative (who wanted a baby of their own) adopt the baby? For me, I wanted to have a close relative adopt my baby because I will know how the baby is treated by them and I will know where they are or will be because they are a close relative and I can always go there and look. But the problem is this when my wife knows this will she not become resentful to my cousin or my brother why they adopt the baby without telling her and affect the peace in our family. It's okay with me if my wife will get angry with me because it is my fault and a big one but my cousin or my brother or which of them that will become an adopted parent will have no fault because they will only be trying to help me and they wanted a baby of their own. And if a non-relative couple will adopt the baby I can't possibly know how they treat the baby because I don't know them personally and I will not always have knowledge where they will be because we are not close and they are not my relative so i will just be in a distant far. I think you understand what I'm writing here. You may think this is confusing, yeah, I'm so confused right now what to do and what to decide. In short, which is better couple to adopt the baby with regard in my part and of my family, and for the baby too. Yeah, I have messed things up for I thought at first I cannot anymore impregnate a woman, I have believed I was sterile for I and my wife have tried to have another baby but could not (anymore). But when the woman I had sexual relation with have informed me she's pregnant positively with my baby, and then she told me she have to have an abortion I forbid her because for me it's a big sin to take a baby, an innocent one's life. So that’s it. This problem is already here now and I cannot do anything to take it back, hence, I NEE ADVICES FROM GOOD AND KIND PEOPLE, FROM GOOD PEOPLE WHO CAN EMPATHIZE MY SITUATION so I can make good decision FOR THE WELFARE OF THE INNOCENT BABY AND FOR MY FAMILY’S PEACE, SERIOUSLY. Regardless both of you need to tell your spouses what you've both done and divorce them. In no way should they be responsible for your possible kid that you made together and you know it. If she can't afford the kid then she should've never laid down and had sex with you period. Get a paternity test. Just because you possibly made a kid with her doesn't put both of your betrayed spouse's needs and welfare in the back room.
StoneCold Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Lets start with proving the baby is yours
pureinheart Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Hey Heman...((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Seriously if I were in your shoes, I would allow your cousin to adopt this precious little baby because I don't think your wife would be abusive to the baby in any way, shape or form due to the fact that this is not a "love" relationship between you and this other lady. I know sooooooo many people that would give their left arm to have a baby and have been trying all sorts of methods, although are unable to conceive...you would be doing such a wonderful thing for your cousin...babies are such a gift...it is so wonderful to watch my granddaughter day after day sleep, eat and play...they are so cute..you all have all of my thoughts and prayers:)
Woman In Blue Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 A woman and I have a sexual relationship, and now she told me she is pregnant with my baby. We've known each other years ago and we've met early this year and we started to have sex. OK, so it's hardly the love affair of the century. You're both just basically having sex with each other. I am a married man with children of my own, a family, and having a good relationship with my wife even though she works in another state and our marriage is okay, but this is why this situation have happened because I have sexual needs but my wife's not with me because she works far away. How this economic crisis brought a heavy toll. Our children are with me. So your wife sacrificed being with her husband and children to work in another state in order for your family to survive financially, and you make it all about YOU and your lack of sex? Good God. But when the woman I had sexual relation with have informed me she's pregnant positively with my baby, and then she told me she have to have an abortion I forbid her because for me it's a big sin to take a baby, an innocent one's life. So that’s it. Well heman, adultery is ALSO a sin and you certainly don't seem to have a problem with breaking THAT commandment. I call this type of person a Cafeteria Catholic - one who picks and chooses which sins he'll decide are ok to commit based on what he's getting out of the deal. In this case, you were getting the sex you were 'so deprived' of, so it was ok to break that particular commandment. Gotcha. But this is what I DON'T get. You've stated a few times in your post that she's nothing to you emotionally - just someone to have sex with. So it's pretty clear you don't have any kind of bond or emotional tie to each other. Yet, you told her you 'forbid' her to have an abortion after she said she wanted to get one - and she's allowing YOU to call the shots? Someone she just basically having sex with? She's an idiot, then. If you were just someone I was screwing on the side, I'd tell you to take a flying leap and get my ass down to the abortion clinic pronto. Just because she CLAIMS she's pregnant with your kid doesn't make it so. And if she were positive that it IS yours, why would she wreak havoc on her own marriage and with her own kids just to honor YOUR demands that she can't abort her pregnancy? Sorry pal, but I don't see her throwing her marriage and kids away JUST to carry and birth your kid because you told her she "couldn't" get an abortion. She's either a complete moron for allowing you to dictate how she handles this pregnancy, or she doesn't know WHOSE kid it really is (yours or hubby's) and is just telling you it's yours. Who knows - maybe she was hoping you'd come running to her and live happily ever after, or maybe she was trying to shake you down for some money. In either event, I don't see her throwing away her entire life just to do what you told her to do. I wouldn't be too quick about making plans for your family members to adopt this kid. It probably isn't yours - and she's probably not too sure if it's yours or her husband's, anyway. She'll probably play it off as his if she's going to term with it.
Carrot2000 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I wouldn't be too quick about making plans for your family members to adopt this kid. It probably isn't yours - and she's probably not too sure if it's yours or her husband's, anyway. She'll probably play it off as his if she's going to term with it. If the baby is his, there's no guarantee that she's going to put it up for adoption anyway. She may very well decide to raise her child and seek financial support from Heman. Heman, if you allow a close relative to adopt this child, don't you think this child will be hurt knowing that his/her siblings/cousins are being raised by you and he/she is not? Talk about the ultimate rejection!
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