Eugenie57 Posted March 25, 2004 Posted March 25, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font][color=green][/color]I'm kinda confused and I need some clarity. I met this guy named Jeremy at a bar I frequent who I really like. He kinda looks like John Mayer, and he has a great sense of humour. Anyway to make a long story short- we really connected and talked for hours and I ended up sleeping over and we had sex the next day during the early afternoon after hours of fourplay. We made plans to go out for another drink/mini-date a few days later-which we did. He came back to my place and we had wonderful sex again. He left in the morning, which was Wednesday, and I called him and left a message on his cellphone later on that night. He did not call me back today( Thursday) so I was wondering how long I should wait before I call him again,and/or if I should. I know we jumped the gun on our first meting and when he called me 2 days after I asked him if he thought we rushed things. HE enthusiastically said "NO" so I didn't feel guilty. I didn't get the vibe that anything was wrong when he left Wednesday morning, but I'm annoyed that he didn't return my phone call within 24 hours. I feel like he has the upper hand now, because I called him and am now waiting for him to call me back. Should I go ahead and date other guys so that I can maintain a level head about this situation, and avoid getting attached so quickly? I would appreciate the advice.
Tony T Posted March 25, 2004 Posted March 25, 2004 You're not in a relationship with this guy, you're not even dating him. You just screwed him a few times. Until you are dating on a regular basis, you should be open to seeing others. I hope, for your own emotional and physical health, you will supress your sex drive just a tiny bit so you don't engage so quickly when you first meet a guy. Many men aren't real fond of fast woman like that....not trying to make you feel bad, just filling you in on details. There's only a 50/50 chance you'll hear from this guy again. He may even have a girlfriend. You weren't around him long enough to look into those kinds of tiny details. Who is John Mayer? (Oh, nevermind. I just did a google search...JM is no big deal.
Author Eugenie57 Posted March 25, 2004 Author Posted March 25, 2004 ok so I'm fast now? Why does that make me fast?? He slept with me too!! Why should I wait- 3 months or so down the line if the passion is right? So what- like now he's not going to appreciate me? Thanks, now I feel like panicking. What's wrong with taking chances and going with the flow? Its not like I had a bad time, I had a good time. I mean, I talked about it with him afterward. I was thinking about putting on the brakes so that a real bond could be established first. Should I do that now? As far as my physical health goes- I always protect myself and I have never contracted an STD. So what gives? So you think sleeping with him was wrong? Some things just happen naturally and others take time. People are different.
jenny Posted March 25, 2004 Posted March 25, 2004 if sleeping with him did spook him, he was not right for you. but, realistically, i do think guys tend to think of women they meet in bars and sleep with quickly as not relationship canidates. now, that sucks, and it's a ridiculous double standard, but it's often true. maybe it's not in this case. i hope not. so, to answer your original question, call other guys. you're not committed to him at all and no one should spend evenings waiting for phones: you are a free agent.
Tony T Posted March 25, 2004 Posted March 25, 2004 I make no judgement about you sleeping with him. I don't know you and you are free to do what you want. But you came to this forum looking for information. I am a male and I've been around the block more than a few times. I think that a greater number of men will not want a long term relationship with a lady who gives in to them physically very fast. There's nothing special about that. Great love develops over time. Oh, yes, men will see women over a period of time after a sexual encounter shortly after meeting. But it's likely to be all about sex because that's pretty much what you know about the person...sex. Give yourself a chance to be known by a man for your personality, intellect, character, etc. Once that happens, the sex will be far more meaningful...and so will the relationship. However, do what you want. If you like quick sex, go for it. Just don't whine when the guys don't call you after a few rolls in the hay. Don't knock your head against a wall about this. Many people have to learn to take things slow if they want something lasting. Sometimes it takes a while. There's a lot of things I still don't know. Maybe this guy is the love of your life and he will call you tomorrow...but my own observations tell me the chances are better I'll find a cure for AIDS before I go to bed.
Author Eugenie57 Posted March 25, 2004 Author Posted March 25, 2004 Woah Tony! YOu are brutally honest but that is what I wanted. The only reason why I had sex with im in the first place was because while talking with him his insight stuck a chord with me and I was impressed by him. My ex boyfriend (Eli) was very smart (1560 on his S.A.T.'s), full scholarship to Northwestern. We broke up in 2002 after dating for 6 months. He went away to the Univ. of Chicago and has his masters and is now a Stock Trader. We continued seeing each other on and off up untill last year (bad idea). I am so over him its not even funny, but I thinkI was attracted to Jeremy because they looked similar- hair color, eye color, body type, dress, and even height. They even have the same birthday although Jeremy is 2 years younger. I couldn't help but be attracted to him! ANd no- he is not a substitute for Eli! (Who I waited 3 months before I slept with him and that relationship didn't work out)/ Anyways after you implied that I was a fast woman "I looked up promiscious women on the internet and found that by large the additude you have concerning the subject is mainly true. The reason why I was stressing so much is that I'm sensitive and am having a difficult time dealing with casual sex. So if Jeremy calls me (if he ever does (50/50 damn chance) } I'll just explain to him that I was soimpressed by him intellectually and physically that after hours of fourplay (we talked till 7am then had sex around 12pm) I couldn't resist him, and that Wednesday was great. But I'm scared of being so intimate so fast and will put the brakes on things for a while to see if we're suited for dating. How does that sound? Am I learning? He'll call me! I don't know about you finding the cure for AIDS.
overseas2004 Posted March 25, 2004 Posted March 25, 2004 I have to agree totally with Tony. First of all because he always gives me good advice. But also because he is honest. My brother always tells me that he would never go out with a girl who slept with him right away. He says that he gets frightened by her because she may do this with everyone and he doesn't want that. Primitive? maybe.. Is it most likely true that the girl has a history because she acts this way? Yes I think so ... although not always. Oh and of course. Sex is available everywhere these days. HE can go get it almost anywhere if he is an ok looking guy. There are loads of bars full of women willing to do the same thing you did. He could be there instead of calling you. A real relationship needs something to bond it more than 24 hours of talk and sex. Good luck though... B/cus there are exceptions. I was desperately wanting to get rid of my virginity when I was 20. So I slept with a guy I met at college on teh first night after a party. We were together for 10 months. That was my first bf. So it could happen.
Author Eugenie57 Posted March 26, 2004 Author Posted March 26, 2004 Wow! I as nervous that Jeremy wouldn't call but low and behold he did! He called me last night and we talked till 6am! Now if that doesn't prove he's into me I don't know what does. We also made plans to go out on Friday but I unfortunetly had to break them due to work. HE likes me! he likes me! .... And not just for sex ladies and gentleman! I think I will make his nurse fantasy come true the next time I hang out with him! HMmmm... whre do you get a nurse's uniform from? Fredricks of hollywood?
jenny Posted March 26, 2004 Posted March 26, 2004 lol - i'm happy for you. you may have been kidding, but you may want to hold back a bit, sexually, just in terms of dating strategy. get to know him different ways - i'll bet he's fun at a museum or can dissect movies well too.
Author Eugenie57 Posted March 26, 2004 Author Posted March 26, 2004 YEs thanks a lot Jenny. Jeemy is a great guy who is amazing so far and obviously he is mature enough to handle the sex issue. I want to play my cards right with him though. SO I am thinking about maybe seeing other people just so I don't get hooked on him. But then again do I really want to do that? I can't spend my time worrying about him or what he's doing but I can't help it. I'm already hooked in some way. Their are a lot of seriously good looking guys in Boston though. I think I'll hold off on the whole sex thing for at least 2 or 3 more weeks and just keep myself busy. I just hate being fearful. I would much rather accept my emotions and act on impulse then supress them because I'm trying to gain the upper hand. We both need time to see if we're truly cpmpatible, but how often do you have deep 3 hour phone conversations with men? I love dating but I hate getting attached so soon. How do I know if I'm doing the right thing?
yes Posted March 26, 2004 Posted March 26, 2004 i'm kind of like you - when i meet a guy and like him, i feel like sleeping with him. but, it's really in your best interests to hold it off. instead, feel free to make out with him, but stick to places you cannot have sex in... so don't sleep over!! it's just taking care of yourself - sex invokes hormones that make you feel attached to the guy - wouldn't you rather make sure he's not a swine first?! it's much easier for less sexual beings, i know, but it's worth it to keep yourself in control and hold it off a bit. the goal is to make sure he's around for more than just sex - and by holding it off, you ensure that's true. (certainly no need to do that if YOU're in it just for sex, of course!) it's not impossible for a great r/s to develop after a steamy start, but it's a lil harder/less likely. you can be steamy without going all the way, anyway! good luck, -yes
csfong007 Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 If what you want is just sex, you'll continue to do what you're doing. If what you want is a real relationship with a man, I have always found it best to wait until I know the man is in love with me before having sex.
PlentyLV007 Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Okay....I know how you feel.....I'm seeing this guy right now and he's really great, and I'm so attracted to him and we've been seeing each other for about a month next week. Let me tell you, it's hard to resist...but I have. We've done foreplay....lot's of it....but, intercourse....no. I mean my lord it's been hard but, I feel that anticipation is way more hotter and plus if he felt that he was wasting his time with me with all this foreplay, or would just rather have sex, he would have not called me after our first couple of encounters where I've said not yet.... He still calls me, wants to see me and each time the feeling is stronger and stronger and even the conversations are greater. I mean even though he did want to sleep with me the first night we went out. If I really didn't like him and was just attracted to him...then that's a different story. I think every person is different....you can be really cool and had sex for the spur of the moment and it's still great.....I'm sure it will be fine all in time.
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