notsure15 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 in my current marriage some things don't add up. Sex is great and we have kids, been together a long time. Talking at an intelligent level is a strain. So I do have an email friend whom i can talk to at another level. Keeping it seceret i don't hurt my wife. keeping it going keeps me sane. If intellegence is lacking in the marriage, will a double life talking things through with someone else succeed?
2sunny Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 hmmmm, not usually. you are cheating your wife on the intimacy, the emotional connection by placing that outside the M. with her being unaware, how is that fair to her - or the M?
Duckduckgoose Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Then talk about things with your wife that she can understand. If you want to have an intelligent conversation find a men's social group to do that with. Talking with OW is humping the line to EA...it's only gonna go downhill from there.
Author notsure15 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 we are intimate. i see it sort of like hedging my bets. when i'm with my mates i don't tell her everything 9ie strip club stuff) it is the same for things i talk about with the other person. why indulge if it will damage. and yes i don't care if she did the same. i would have liked if she asked me, and i do talk to her - somethings she doesn't get - it is too difficult so i leave it to one side and nuture that elsewhere. i provide plenty of support for here and i let here be her . we are a couple. and i feel i can be me. three seperate parts, where we are happy with the together part and move to the self part when we don't connect. I no longer try and force her to get it, because it is painful and fruitless.
Author notsure15 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 duc duck goose, totally dont agree. i can talkto this friend (OW) and t is good to have a womans perspective when it provides insites into how my wife - may not be able to express herself. we see each other as close friends / psyhcologist / councellor
bentnotbroken Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 duc duck goose, totally dont agree. i can talkto this friend (OW) and t is good to have a womans perspective when it provides insites into how my wife - may not be able to express herself. we see each other as close friends / psyhcologist / councellor You can spoon feed yourself this drivel as much as you can handle. You are still in an EA and as was said before "humping your way" into a PA. Justification makes none of this right. Unless your ow is a licensed psychologist or counselor you are lying to yourself, her and your wife.
jthorne Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 You obviously are questioning your actions. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here. Intelligence is something that can be guaged during the dating process. Unless she's suffered a brain injury, she should have the same intelligence as your W that she did as your GF. Unless you made a mistake in marrying an incompatible mate and fathering children with her, it sounds to me like her focus has shifted to raising the kids, and you are seeking attention elsewhere.
xxoo Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 we are intimate. i see it sort of like hedging my bets. when i'm with my mates i don't tell her everything 9ie strip club stuff) it is the same for things i talk about with the other person. why indulge if it will damage. Very good question. But it isn't the telling that is damaging. It is the indulging itself. Why do you indulge in this "friendship" that is damaging your marriage? Be honest--do you have desires for this woman that go beyond conversation?
rowell2024 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I've read your other thread that you started. Your wife knows about it and wants you to stop it. You are disrespecting her. You are already sharing intimate details of your marriage and now want to keep it a secret. You are also trying to justify your contact with this OW. All of this equals EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. Others have told you this in your other thread. Since you're in the fog of your EA, you won't listen to anything that you don't want to hear. If fact, you are seeking validation for your EA. The only thing that's going to shake you up from this EA is when your wife decides to end your marriage, throwing away 14 years, and losing your kids. Go ahead and lead your double life, just remember when it blows up in your face that you will lose everything, which includes the trust your wife had in you. Your wife won't give a damn that your OW is in another country. I sure didn't. You're sharing intimacy with another woman which should be reserved for your wife only. What part of your marriage vows did you forget? Did you forget that you were supposed to forsake all others?
thomasb Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 You can spoon feed yourself this drivel as much as you can handle. You are still in an EA and as was said before "humping your way" into a PA. Justification makes none of this right. Unless your ow is a licensed psychologist or counselor you are lying to yourself, her and your wife. I think you are a little full of yourself are you not. The I am so much more intelligent card. Not very original.
rowell2024 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Talking at an intelligent level is a strain. So I do have an email friend whom i can talk to at another level. Keeping it seceret i don't hurt my wife. keeping it going keeps me sane. If intellegence is lacking in the marriage, will a double life talking things through with someone else succeed? I agree with thomasb that you're a bit full of yourself considering your lack of capitalization, spelling, and sentence structure.
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 in my current marriage some things don't add up. Sex is great and we have kids, been together a long time. Talking at an intelligent level is a strain. So I do have an email friend whom i can talk to at another level. Keeping it seceret i don't hurt my wife. keeping it going keeps me sane. If intellegence is lacking in the marriage, will a double life talking things through with someone else succeed? No marriage is perfect and neither are either spouses. Keeping a secret like this from you wife is not healthy because you DO have feelings for this OW. It isnt just an innocent friendship, you know this. Why not come clean with your wife, lay it all out on the line..Allow her to have someone on the side to meet her needs as well? So, more or less you're saying you cannot have any type of intelligent conversation with your wife? And thats' why you are turning to another woman?
UnsureinSeattle Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 No. You are investing emotional energy in the wrong place.
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 duc duck goose, totally dont agree. i can talkto this friend (OW) and t is good to have a womans perspective when it provides insites into how my wife - may not be able to express herself. we see each other as close friends / psyhcologist / councellor Then GET a therapist/psychologist/counsellor. You are relying on another woman TOO much for your own good. your wife doesn't like it, has asked you to stop and you won't. It's selfish and the friendship is self serving, a cancer to your marriage! I dont understand why you can't see that?
CharlotteCraig Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I agree with thomasb that you're a bit full of yourself considering your lack of capitalization, spelling, and sentence structure. I was thinking the same thing. YOU claim you are more intelligent than your wife. Why would an intelligent person he daft enough to marry someone who is not intelligent? why would an intelligent person not be able to read and write properly and spell? Why would an intelligent person need to ask strangers for advice? You are not intelligent, I suspect your wife is the intelligent one. As for you seeing this other woman as a therapist, what rubbish, you are speaking to her because she is a female and I am quite sure that if she was a lap dancer or worked in a shop or was a mother raising children you would still chat to her because she is female. If she is so intelligent and so capable as a therapist then how come she is not a qualified therapist and charging for consultations? You sound very immature and very arrogant to me.
Shocking Pink Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I was thinking the same thing. YOU claim you are more intelligent than your wife. Why would an intelligent person he daft enough to marry someone who is not intelligent? why would an intelligent person not be able to read and write properly and spell? Why would an intelligent person need to ask strangers for advice? You are not intelligent, I suspect your wife is the intelligent one. As for you seeing this other woman as a therapist, what rubbish, you are speaking to her because she is a female and I am quite sure that if she was a lap dancer or worked in a shop or was a mother raising children you would still chat to her because she is female. If she is so intelligent and so capable as a therapist then how come she is not a qualified therapist and charging for consultations? You sound very immature and very arrogant to me. To be fair, most of us are here asking strangers for advice, so I guess that makes us all stupid! But yeah, a lot of guys try to chat to lap dancers and tell them sob stories about their wife, so I guess that makes them therapists too. This guy has another thread about how he feels angry and cheated bc his wife doesn't like anal, you guys. He's all over the place whining about how hes got the short end of the stick. It's too bad his wife can't read all this!
Distant78 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 why would an intelligent person not be able to read and write properly and spell? You mean type correctly. Just kidding.
Mimolicious Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 (edited) This guy wants it all.... and just like my signature says, he'll end up with nothing! Let's tell your W what you consider her good for and where you consider her worthless at. You want intellect? Then buy a phone app or Britannica & a spellcheker while you are at it. We should ask your W, see what she finds hot & sexy about you. You probably get 90% and give 10%. With all due respect, you sound very childish and in no form excellence of intellect either. Maybe you're *cough* ten inch*cough* full of yourself. That's probably why your W stays with you. Edited February 11, 2011 by Mimolicious
Linda9999 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Wow. I agree with the poster who said you are in a fog. Either smarten up and quit cheating on your wife, or let her go to find someone who will treat her right.
2sunny Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 for such an intelligent man (as YOU claim) your actions aren't showing the intelligence you say you have. divorce your wife. allow her some dignity and grace. since this OW seems to be such a higher priority than your wife, kids, friends and family - best to let go and go get what you so selfishly are intending to get. your wife deserves so much more than what you are now doing to her. divorce.
bentnotbroken Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 WOW! IF this behavior is a sign of intelligence...I want a man dumb as a rock.
Woman In Blue Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Sex is great and we have kids, been together a long time. Talking at an intelligent level is a strain. Shall I assume she was an Einstein while you were dating, but the minute you married her, she suddenly got dimwitted? If that's not the case, then I'm going to have to assume you KNEW the level of her intellect BEFORE you married her, and chose to marry her anyway. If she is so intellectually beneath you, why did you marry her in the first place? Or are you only crying "foul" now because you want to justify your lame little email/chatting "pen pal" relationship and want to blame it on your wife's lack of intelligence? Hey - here's a thought! Why don't we blame it on your inability to own your own sh*it, instead?
Woman In Blue Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 in my current marriage some things don't add up. Sex is great and we have kids, been together a long time. Talking at an intelligent level is a strain. So I do have an email friend whom i can talk to at another level. Keeping it seceret i don't hurt my wife. keeping it going keeps me sane. If intellegence is lacking in the marriage, will a double life talking things through with someone else succeed? OMG. I came back to look at your original post after reading the comments of a few others in this thread and they're right - it looks like a 16 year old kid typed this with one hand while playing with his Wii with the other. And here's a little 411 for ya - "intellegence" is spelled "intelligence." Yup, intelligence is "lacking" in the marriage alright. I'm just not so sure, however, that it's solely on your wife's part.
jj33 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I know someone who has made a triple life with 2 families for 9 years and an OOW for 2. I am almost certain it will all fall in on him and his wife will be devastated. I do not know his wife personally but I feel for her. I know someone else who also had 2 families and was recently found out. It wasnt pretty. He is not getting divorced but he is in a heap of trouble all around and paying dearly. Affairs are something noone wants to think will happen in their own marriage but its not beyond the realm of contemplation. Its unthinkable for most people that an entire second family would exist.
East7 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 in my current marriage some things don't add up. Sex is great and we have kids, been together a long time. Talking at an intelligent level is a strain. So I do have an email friend whom i can talk to at another level. Keeping it seceret i don't hurt my wife. keeping it going keeps me sane. If intellegence is lacking in the marriage, will a double life talking things through with someone else succeed? Notsure has been here posting since a while about his LD girlfriend. Bottom-line is that he wants so badly to have an EA with this woman that he is looking for validation/justification through "intellectual connection". Everyone here is genuinely thinking he needs some "intellectual exchanges", but the fact is that he is attracted to this woman...All the rest are justifications.
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