heartbrokenmanda Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I was told to post this here: I really need some advice and I'm looking for opinions. Please don't "chew me out" or make any snide comments because, quite frankly, you don't know me or live my life. Here's my story: I have a male friend who is great and funny. I'm married and so is he. We have both had affairs on our spouses (not with each other) He goes to the same gym I go to and we flirt all the time. I told him I was looking for a FWB situation, and he told me he's bored with his wife. (He still sees his OW time to time (although, as he claims, she's getting too "clingy) and goes back to the wife now and then) He's staying at a friend's house off and on. Two weeks ago, we were supposed to go out and he got sick. We were texting and he told me he "wanted me" and that we'd go out soon. I told him right out I wanted to sleep with him, but all I get out of him is "maybe". What gives? Why can't he give me a straight answer? Is he worried about ruining our friendship? Does he like me and he's afraid of his feelings? Does he just like to play games? I'm getting pretty sick and tired of it.....
desertIslandCactus Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Perhaps part of the excitement for him is the challenge - or that he wants it to be his idea. Remember you said that he is backing away from the other relationship because she is becoming 'clingy'. You have to know that relationships aren't as easy when you're dealing with those in committed R, or M.
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I have a male friend who is great and funny. I'm married and so is he. We have both had affairs on our spouses (not with each other) He goes to the same gym I go to and we flirt all the time. I told him I was looking for a FWB situation, and he told me he's bored with his wife. (He still sees his OW time to time (although, as he claims, she's getting too "clingy) and goes back to the wife now and then) He's staying at a friend's house off and on. Two weeks ago, we were supposed to go out and he got sick. We were texting and he told me he "wanted me" and that we'd go out soon. I told him right out I wanted to sleep with him, but all I get out of him is "maybe". What gives? Why can't he give me a straight answer? Is he worried about ruining our friendship? Does he like me and he's afraid of his feelings? Does he just like to play games? I'm getting pretty sick and tired of it..... He's either messing with you, getting your hopes up (ego feed and has no intention of really letting anything happen, yet flirting about it is more fun, no strings, no chance of you getting emotionally attached to him) or he just plain chickened out. Or he just changed his mind..Which he's allowed to do. He more than likely doesn't want to ruin the friendship you have with him. It's safe and once you two cross that line, he'll have THREE women going. You, his other OW and his wife. I need to ask, sorry.. But why are you continually cheating on your husband? Why not either divorce him, set him free so he can find love with someone else, or talk about having an open marriage. Sooner or later you are going to get caught.
Heather1 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 A better reply would have been, "wait in line." Thrill of the chase....
rowell2024 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Why are you so eager to spread your legs for this guy? Of course he's playing games with you, its good for his ego and bragging rights to his buddies. I'm sure he showed it to his buddies how he's got another one on the line. Maybe you should tell your husband that you want this guy for FWB, that way he can call this guy up and tell him to get to you ASAP.
bentnotbroken Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I was told to post this here: I really need some advice and I'm looking for opinions. Please don't "chew me out" or make any snide comments because, quite frankly, you don't know me or live my life. Here's my story: I have a male friend who is great and funny. I'm married and so is he. We have both had affairs on our spouses (not with each other) He goes to the same gym I go to and we flirt all the time. I told him I was looking for a FWB situation, and he told me he's bored with his wife. (He still sees his OW time to time (although, as he claims, she's getting too "clingy) and goes back to the wife now and then) He's staying at a friend's house off and on. Two weeks ago, we were supposed to go out and he got sick. We were texting and he told me he "wanted me" and that we'd go out soon. I told him right out I wanted to sleep with him, but all I get out of him is "maybe". What gives? Why can't he give me a straight answer? Is he worried about ruining our friendship? Does he like me and he's afraid of his feelings? Does he just like to play games? I'm getting pretty sick and tired of it..... The quantifying statement to "don't tell me I am wrong but tell me what I want to hear." Sounds like the standard line for someone who already had made their mind up and wants a high five. It appears the line forms at the left for this particular human....wonderful.
Heather1 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I just don't see what the point of morally bashing someone who's going to go ahead & do what she wants? She asked a question, I told her what I thought. If she would say she's considering this, but has moral problems, etc. & doesn't want to hurt her family, is struggling, etc. I would say something totally different. She's full steam ahead, what's the point?
fooled once Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Heather, Could be that maybe hearing it from someone other than friends who could be encouraging her to cheat on her husband might be the "wake up" that she needs? I don't get cheerleading someone for cheating. I don't get encouraging someone to continue to cheat. Maybe if the OP worried and worked on her marriage instead of doing a FWB with a long time friend, she would either realize she is better than being a f*ck buddy or that her H deserves better and divorce him. I just don't understand why the answer to marital strife or marital issues is to cheat. I cannot cheer lead some to be so disrespectful to the person they at one time claimed to love. If the love is gone - DIVORCE or separate. Why is it okay to risk infecting a spouse with an STD? I am not saying stay married - I am saying don't cheat. OP - sounds like the MM is loving having you chase him and want him. He is going to make you work for the "FWB" which, I predict, you will not be able to handle and will end up 'falling for' him.
Emme Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 He doesn't want to sleep with you becuase he wants you to fall for him. I doubt STD's is the issue since you both cheat and that's a known fact so he's not worried about that. He wants to be in power and you're taking that from him by being aggresive. Already I don't like how this sounds. But some men enjoy the journey not just the sex. Make him feel like a man... that's all men really want.
JaneyAmazed Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I was told to post this here: I really need some advice and I'm looking for opinions. Please don't "chew me out" or make any snide comments because, quite frankly, you don't know me or live my life. Here's my story: I have a male friend who is great and funny. I'm married and so is he. We have both had affairs on our spouses (not with each other) He goes to the same gym I go to and we flirt all the time. I told him I was looking for a FWB situation, and he told me he's bored with his wife. (He still sees his OW time to time (although, as he claims, she's getting too "clingy) and goes back to the wife now and then) He's staying at a friend's house off and on. Two weeks ago, we were supposed to go out and he got sick. We were texting and he told me he "wanted me" and that we'd go out soon. I told him right out I wanted to sleep with him, but all I get out of him is "maybe". What gives? Why can't he give me a straight answer? Is he worried about ruining our friendship? Does he like me and he's afraid of his feelings? Does he just like to play games? I'm getting pretty sick and tired of it..... Not meaning to be snide, just curious...Is your husband not worth the time and energy you waste worrying about this guy? That's what I hate about all the time I wasted in an affair. I wish I had given that time and attention to my husband, who really loves me like no one else.
Woman In Blue Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 He still sees his OW time to time (although, as he claims, she's getting too "clingy) and goes back to the wife now and then). There are alot of OW's who should pay attention to this creep's behavior. His "clingy" OW is probably happily posting away on an OW message board somewhere, telling everyone about their great love and how they'll be together one day - while this pig is out hitting anything with elbows. My Amanda, you've picked someone just like yourself. You two are perfect for each other. I do hope, however, that you're getting tested every six months.
blissfullyoblivious Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 There are alot of OW's who should pay attention to this creep's behavior. His "clingy" OW is probably happily posting away on an OW message board somewhere, telling everyone about their great love and how they'll be together one day - while this pig is out hitting anything with elbows. My Amanda, you've picked someone just like yourself. You two are perfect for each other. I do hope, however, that you're getting tested every six months. Oh please. You never really know anyone. You take your chances and hope for the best. Look how many BS's have been blindsided on this board and others. A liar is a liar is a liar.
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