SoConfusledandHurt Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Hi LS forum... Im having some difficulties and Id like some advice, or just a sounding board! Fiance and I have been together for going on 5 yrs and I feel as though we are in a rut. To be fair, we have both been dealing with issues for the last several months. First he ruptured his achilles tendon and had to have surgery to repair that. Was on pain meds and pretty much ignored me for a month...started to come around after he got of the meds...and we were beginning to get back to normal...then I injured my low back and have been dealing with that for almost two months now. Lots of physical therapy and heating pad time. After a couple weeks of me complaining of my back pain...we began taking baths together and our sex life began to look up. But abrubtly we have kind of let it go again. I find myself so freaking bored with this relationship. We dont go out (except to lunch or to run errands) we havent been on a fun "date" since I cant remember. The only effort he makes to have sex with me is to say "wanna get naked" once in awhile...and I cant even imagine having sex like that. Especially with my back pain! So I feel I need some extra coaxing to get into the idea..and when I told him that...he hasnt made ANY effort at all and now has barely spoke to me in the last three days. I just find that instead of wanting to be closer...I dont even really care or have the energy to even ask him about it! That makes me feel sad in many ways...because it seems to me...he feels the same. I know things cant always be exciting...but geez...I feel so bored. If I try and make plans with a friend or something he gets upset about it, but when Im here he hardly speaks to me. I dont know what to do...but am starting to feel depression over this.
laRubiaBonita Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Hi LS forum... Im having some difficulties and Id like some advice, or just a sounding board! Fiance and I have been together for going on 5 yrs and I feel as though we are in a rut. To be fair, we have both been dealing with issues for the last several months. First he ruptured his achilles tendon and had to have surgery to repair that. Was on pain meds and pretty much ignored me for a month...started to come around after he got of the meds...and we were beginning to get back to normal...then I injured my low back and have been dealing with that for almost two months now. Lots of physical therapy and heating pad time. After a couple weeks of me complaining of my back pain...we began taking baths together and our sex life began to look up. But abrubtly we have kind of let it go again. I find myself so freaking bored with this relationship. We dont go out (except to lunch or to run errands) we havent been on a fun "date" since I cant remember. The only effort he makes to have sex with me is to say "wanna get naked" once in awhile...and I cant even imagine having sex like that. Especially with my back pain! So I feel I need some extra coaxing to get into the idea..and when I told him that...he hasnt made ANY effort at all and now has barely spoke to me in the last three days. I just find that instead of wanting to be closer...I dont even really care or have the energy to even ask him about it! That makes me feel sad in many ways...because it seems to me...he feels the same. I know things cant always be exciting...but geez...I feel so bored. If I try and make plans with a friend or something he gets upset about it, but when Im here he hardly speaks to me. I dont know what to do...but am starting to feel depression over this. okay- pretend i said all that- and you do not know if that is really the issue, or if those are just symptoms. you do not know me from jill. what would you ask me?
Author SoConfusledandHurt Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 I would probably ask you why you were with your fiance? My answer to that Q is...because we love eachother. We have built our life together and worked so hard on so many issues in therapy and overcame so much. I know he loves me truly and I can trust him with everything and he feels the same. I never have to worry about him running around on me and he doesnt have to worry about me running around on him. We are co parents and do enjoy eachothers company. Its just been a rough few months...and Im not sure I have the energy to spice things up at the moment and he sure doesnt seem to. He is sleeping in a chair next to me and I wont see him all day because he works 9-9 tomorrow...so I guess that means lonely weekend for me (he works all weekend 12 hr days). He has brought up sex in the last couple of weeks, but never makes much effort for us to be intimate. And that makes me feel like not being intimate either...so neither one of us is doing anything to fix it. It sux and Im bored lol
Duckduckgoose Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Communicate why you're feeling bored and ask him if he feels the same thing. This isn't a dealbreaker, it's a rough patch. You are allowed to go out with your friends and he is allowed to go out with his. Make lots of good sexy time, it will help to bring you closer as well.
notsure15 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 sometimes planning helps too, it can build expectation. we have been married 15yrs, and i will move work, babysitters, and weddings not to miss my monthly date with my wife. we take turns on location, and it is a boring as the bedroom, but it can be as good a 3 nights in Sydney. good luck:p
laRubiaBonita Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 well you need to put forth some effort first. take a bath and talk with him
2sunny Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 sometimes planning helps too, it can build expectation. we have been married 15yrs, and i will move work, babysitters, and weddings not to miss my monthly date with my wife. we take turns on location, and it is a boring as the bedroom, but it can be as good a 3 nights in Sydney. good luck:p seriously? monthly? why would you not romance your wife more often than once a month? that seems totally inadequate. did you ONLY take her out once per month while you were dating? why would/should that be enough? once a week is really not even enough... where's the effort in relationships these days? maybe losing your OW might leave you some more time, effort and energy for your wife.
Author SoConfusledandHurt Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 We used to try and go out monthly...but since our injuries we havent gone out in the evening because of financial reasons as well as no babysitter... We talked last night and I feel a bit better...I know he does too. I made an effort by sending him a text yesterday letting him know how much I miss and love him, and he texted back that he was sorry for being so depressed lately...we are both struggling with aggravations with being in pain...I have to wait a month to go to a specialist...SO...I think that set the stage for us being aggravated to death lol Anyway just wanted to say, sometimes once a month is all you can do...not sure if thats the case for the PP...but 2Sunny...the effort to just get by these days can take a strain on any relationship. Its sometimes the small things that count...
Seamless74 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 i really dont think your problems are that uncommon... but seriously ruptured achilles back injury what the hell are you guys extreme athletes or something?? youd almost have to be doing something athletic and fun to get those type of injuries. But i still dont get why some people dont realize this i mean you really only have two choices.. Married and bored or single and lonely... i mean thats the decision it looks like youve chosen married and bored so enjoy...
allina Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 If I try and make plans with a friend or something he gets upset about it, but when Im here he hardly speaks to me. Do you mean that he gets angry if you hang out with friends? Is he jealous or controlling? Has he always been this way? Did something happen in the relationship to make it go down hill? I get that couples can get in a rut but him getting upset with you for making plans and showing no interest in conversation is concerning. Is anything else going on? What was he like in the beginning? Is the wedding soon? Could he be getting cold feet?
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