ctwatlanta Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Long story short we met about 6 wks ago as friends, and 2 weeks later she asked me out. The first night we went out we had a great time and she informed me that she's very involved in her church, which I'm fine with. That said she did stay the night in the guest bedroom - so nothing happened. In fact, she got up that morning, went home and came back that afternoon and stayed the entire weekend. We really had a great time with each other. Once again, nothing sexual happened at all despite the fact she slept over. It was just really nice to hang out all night and rather than her drive back home 40 mins away she would just stay, which I didn't have a problem with. She left the following Monday morning for work and we both went about our regular work week. On Thursday of that week she had to go to the hospital due to a ruptured ovarian cyst. It was really bad and her mom came and stayed with her for several days and through the weekend. So, we didn't get to see each other during the week obviously or that weekend. This week she made it back to work and we both have been very busy so we've literally not seen each other since that weekend 2 wks ago; however, we still speak every day. Now for the part I'm confused over... It's Valentines Day weekend and I asked her if we could spend the weekend together and this is what she said, and I quote - "I'd love to spend the weekend with you!!!! But....I have 2 problems: #1 I have a meeting at church on Sunday morning and I know it sounds crazy but if somehow or another they found out...it would be verrrrry bad....and #2 I have a hair appt in the city Saturday morning at 9:30am However, I can hang out Friday night for dinner or Saturday. Sorry for the situation as I know it's very complicated." A little background info that may help you is that her parents are very devout religious people in a very small church that's about an hour from here. She was married before and got a divorce 2 yrs ago. In this church if you get a divorce you are literally kicked out of the church. So, she has spent that last 2 yrs trying to get back in their good graces...so the meeting Sunday morning is a really big deal to her and her parents, which I can appreciate. However, the part I'm frustrated about is the fact that she spent the weekend with me 2 wks ago and she wasn't worried about church then, so why now? Also, I'm not at all thrilled with the "hair appt" excuse. Seriously, what if a guy told some woman "Hey, sorry I can't stay because I've got to change the oil in my car in the morning." That said, she did offer both Friday and Saturday night for dinner...so it's not like she cut me off altogether as if it's implied she's not interested or that she's got "better plans". She even asked me if I was angry with her after she told me that she couldn't stay over. So, am I being a turd and overreacting or do I have a right to complain a little here? Thx for all the advice everyone.
daphne Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I wouldn't get worked up on this one yet. The church thing is totally understandable. Plus, she's giving you other options to show you that she's laying out her weekend for YOU, if you want it. If I were you, take her out on Saturday night to make good use of her hair appointment. lol. Sometimes, it can take a couple of weeks in advance to get one. Just keep your eye on it but things do happen when you have a busy life.
tigressA Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I agree with Daphne. She offered you alternate options to spend time together on the weekend, which one typically wouldn't do if they weren't interested enough to want to spend time with you. Take her up on one of them and have a good time.
spiderowl Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Hair appointment so can't see you? Yes, I can understand that. You have to book some time in advance for a good hairdresser. And if you have a favourite hairdresser, same thing, got to get in an appointment in good time. Once I've booked a hair appointment, I wouldn't want to drop it, but I would try to be available later or something. The church thing is more difficult for me to understand, not being a very religious person. But for me that would be more of a problem. The problem isn't so much that she's going to church and can't see me at that time, but just how prominently the church is featuring in her life. If she's already crying off because of church and doesn't want to get on the wrong side of them, then that would tell me that she is a lady who is being controlled by others. If she is trying to please the church and daren't miss because of that, then she wouldn't be right for me. I'd want someone more independently minded. It's one thing to want to go to church because it meets her needs, but they way she's putting it across to you is that she's doing it to avoid upsetting others. In your situation, yes I think I'd feel a bit aggrieved. The church thing would irk me. If you continue to spend time with this lady, I suspect the church is increasingly going to get in the way. You sound like you understand the need for the church, but do you really or is it bugging you that it matters so much to her? She is putting you second in that respect. I think you're going to have to think about whether she is right for you or not.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 You cant be angry yet, see if she willhang with you saturday night, if she doesnt (she might say she has to go to bed early to go to church on sunday) then you can start getting worried. If she blows you off, stop contacting her, let her come looking for you. Dont be angry, stay upbeat, see if she offers up alternative plans. if she starts making up more excuses, then you know she pulling away. Dont worry about why, its not your problem, might not be somthing you did wrong, just move on.
daphne Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Hair appointment so can't see you? Yes, I can understand that. You have to book some time in advance for a good hairdresser. And if you have a favourite hairdresser, same thing, got to get in an appointment in good time. Once I've booked a hair appointment, I wouldn't want to drop it, but I would try to be available later or something. The church thing is more difficult for me to understand, not being a very religious person. But for me that would be more of a problem. The problem isn't so much that she's going to church and can't see me at that time, but just how prominently the church is featuring in her life. If she's already crying off because of church and doesn't want to get on the wrong side of them, then that would tell me that she is a lady who is being controlled by others. If she is trying to please the church and daren't miss because of that, then she wouldn't be right for me. I'd want someone more independently minded. It's one thing to want to go to church because it meets her needs, but they way she's putting it across to you is that she's doing it to avoid upsetting others. In your situation, yes I think I'd feel a bit aggrieved. The church thing would irk me. If you continue to spend time with this lady, I suspect the church is increasingly going to get in the way. You sound like you understand the need for the church, but do you really or is it bugging you that it matters so much to her? She is putting you second in that respect. I think you're going to have to think about whether she is right for you or not. I didn't mention this, out of respect for other people's level of religious involvement. But I agree that I would be somewhat leery of someone who feels that much of a need to fit in with the church that they're jumping through hoops like that. It's kind of telling to me. But if you're super involved as well, it shouldn't be a problem.
Author ctwatlanta Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 Thanks everyone for the advice. Admittedly I'm a bit jaded right now so I'm trying my best not to overreact. The last relationship I was in not too terribly long ago I found out she was cheating on me. So, I can't help but feel edgy over little things right now. If I send her a msg and don't get a response back until the next day it's hard not to think, "What is she doing, Is she seeing someone, etc". So, of course when I got her response that she couldn't spend the wkend with me I immediately thought the worse. I know it's wrong, but it's just because I've crapped on not too terribly long ago and I'm still overly sensitive. Thanks again.
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