simpsonic Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 So I met two new guys and I have a date arranged with both of them this weekend, on different days. I've always gone out with one person at a time. But they both happened to contact me at the same time and I like them both, thus has led me to this situation. My question is, should I let them know they're not the only ones I'm seeing? I want to be honest, though I don't want them to think they're not special.
daphne Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I wouldn't say anything this early in the game. You may go out once and never see teh guy again. If you end up going on more than a few dates with both of them, then you need to assess where you're at. People do this every day and if you're not used to it, it's easy to feel guilty or like you're hiding something. But you don't want to rub it in anyone's face. It's also just as likely that the guys you are dating are dating others as well. Until you have a talk of exclusivity, I would assume it to be so.
TerminalMan Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Preferably, pick ONE (gut instinct or a coin toss will do) and go out on 1 or 2 dates. Then decide whether to keep him or let him slide or put him on hold (politely, with a phone call). Then you are free to investigate #2. It's much less complicated and safer this way. However, should you be brave/foolish enough to burn the candle at both ends, I recommend the "2 date max" rule.... but opinions vary. If you find yourself dating 2 NEW people at the same time, after 2 dates (max) with each you should have the decency to pick one, OR tell both people what the situation is (i.e., "there's a guy who took me to lunch last week, and i wanted to tell you up front that i may see him again.") Hopefully you'll know after 1 or 2 dates which of the 2 is worth pursuing. If you are nice and truthful about it, guy #2 will understand... he will either back out then, or be content to be a possible Plan B... for now. If either finds out you have been dating another more than once or twice without informing them, prepare for trouble. The only exception is if you and your guy(s) all agree up front that you are all casually dating, and set some ground rules. There are disease out there, ya know. Needless to say, don't sleep with either (or both) right away. That may complicate your choices tremendously... although it could also be enlightening, lol. No, I still don't recommend it!
LifesBeachy Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I'll usually sometimes juggle 2-3 guys.. but im only CASUALLY getting to know them.. i.e., lunch date and coffee here and there.. sometimes they end up requesting to see me on the same day/time... I'm pretty open with the ones so far. But I'm open because I am not overly interested in any of these guys, atm...If i was interested in an elusive relationship with anyone of them I'd tell them all. I'd meet both of them then decide if you have a preference for either of the two... then go with your favourite.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I wouldn't say anything this early in the game. You may go out once and never see teh guy again. If you end up going on more than a few dates with both of them, then you need to assess where you're at. People do this every day and if you're not used to it, it's easy to feel guilty or like you're hiding something. But you don't want to rub it in anyone's face. It's also just as likely that the guys you are dating are dating others as well. Until you have a talk of exclusivity, I would assume it to be so. Yup. This says it all.
jane100 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I think there have been a few posts on this subject recerntly. I think it could actually be quite good. You are meeting different, hopefully interesting men. Its like seeing two different potential friends, or put romantically in the old-fashioned way "suitors". I would say it was common for women in the past to have suitors until they decided which man they were interested in and which man was genuinely interested in them. Also, it stops you getting obsessed by waiting around for one potential person who may or may not be someone you want to get into a relationship with. I don't think you have to "tell" them as a declaration that you are going on other dates if its just preliminary dates and so forth. If they ask, you could say yes I see different people in my life (who doesn't?), do you? That way you are being honest whilst keeping your own life and choices.
EasyHeart Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Whenever I go on a first date, I always assume the woman is seeing other men. If I like her and want to keep seeing her after a few dates, I'll ask if she's seeing anyone else.
carhill Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 OP, you might find Daphne's thread on multi-dating to be enlightening. Having done this in the distant past, long before the word 'multi-dating' was around, it's normal to focus on the person you're with and enjoy them for who they are in the moment. It's no different than any other form of socializing. There are points of human contact which are separate from and exclusive of other points of human contact. If, over time, one person becomes an overwhelmingly positive and intimate experience, then communicate as appropriate, sending 'regrets' to the others. Normal stuff. Enjoy
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