Delacy Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 She couldnt handle the distance broke it off with me after months of talking about getting married and living together. I said im cool with friends and we are getting along "ok" like that but we havn't discussed anything about the real reasons or mine or her feelings. We both decided we didnt want to lose each other so remained friends, but my feelings still go beyond that, she seems ok with the way things are. (on the surface anyway) Do i bring anything up about the past? (we fell out for about a week) or do i just hold my feelings in and keep everything sweet as friends? i'm sure she doesnt want to get back together. I feel like i am never going to find anyone who can commit, i feel so lonely. All i want is to settle down with someone i love, is that too much to ask! (
Author Delacy Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 We were long distance and together 8 months. Any advice please??
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 If you love somebody, it is impossible to be friends with them. You shouldn't talk to her until you heal, or she comes running back. Until then being friends is going to help her move on and leave you here at square one. NC is the best way for you to heal, and the only way for her to ever miss you and come back if that's what you still want. Either way you look at it, NC is the better alternative. Don't worry about losing her as a friend, friendships can be reignited easily after you have moved on, but at this point I think you need to do what is best for you and go into complete NC. -Gator
JasonRules Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Big mistake for you to agree to be "friends". You should cut all contact. Tell her there is no point in being friends. You have enough friends. Don't sell yourself short.
Author Delacy Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 Thank you...but i DONT have alot of friends, we became sooo close she is really all i have to be close to in THAT way, but your right it does seem like she is moving on by us just being friends, and im not. I still tell her i love her and i care but she doesnt text the same back. Is she over me already???? its only been 2 weeks!
JasonRules Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Thank you...but i DONT have alot of friends, we became sooo close she is really all i have to be close to in THAT way, but your right it does seem like she is moving on by us just being friends, and im not. I still tell her i love her and i care but she doesnt text the same back. Is she over me already???? its only been 2 weeks! Big mistake to be texting her that you love her. You're making every mistake in the book. When my gf broke it off 3 weeks ago over some misunderstanding she told me "that was it" and "the candle is burnt". I pleaded my case during the breakup, but after I ceased all contact and disappeared completely out of sight. That means, no texting, no calling, no stalking, nothing. Total MIA. 2 weeks later she contacted me. Yesterday we went out on a date. We spent 5 hours together. Even she was saying "I can't believe I'm here with you now. I thought I would never talk to you or see you ever again". Absense makes the heart grow fonder. Do you think it was easy for me? First week was hell, but I signed up at a gym and was lifting for 3 hours to not sit at home and mope. I reconnected with friends etc. I kept moving so as to not lose my mind. You need to man up and not allow yourself to be broken. But the more time you keep in contact with her the less chances you have of reconnecting. Before she can ever come to you, you need to learn to live without her.
sammyd Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Big mistake to be texting her that you love her. You're making every mistake in the book. When my gf broke it off 3 weeks ago over some misunderstanding she told me "that was it" and "the candle is burnt". I pleaded my case during the breakup, but after I ceased all contact and disappeared completely out of sight. That means, no texting, no calling, no stalking, nothing. Total MIA. 2 weeks later she contacted me. Yesterday we went out on a date. We spent 5 hours together. Even she was saying "I can't believe I'm here with you now. I thought I would never talk to you or see you ever again". Absense makes the heart grow fonder. Do you think it was easy for me? First week was hell, but I signed up at a gym and was lifting for 3 hours to not sit at home and mope. I reconnected with friends etc. I kept moving so as to not lose my mind. You need to man up and not allow yourself to be broken. But the more time you keep in contact with her the less chances you have of reconnecting. Before she can ever come to you, you need to learn to live without her. This . . . If you keep in contact now, you'll just push her further away. Go NC. It will be hard. But it's the only way to get past this.
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Thank you...but i DONT have alot of friends, we became sooo close she is really all i have to be close to in THAT way, but your right it does seem like she is moving on by us just being friends, and im not. I still tell her i love her and i care but she doesnt text the same back. Is she over me already???? its only been 2 weeks! You are making all of the wrong moves right now. In your head it seems right and it is right. WOMEN DON'T THINK WITH THEIR HEADS WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS. It is all emotional after a breakup, so you need to throw her emotions for a whirl and do the illogical. Go into NC, it will be hard but it is the only way you can move on and the only way that you have any chance of her coming back. It's hard but it works for both of those things, she can't miss you if you're always there. And you constantly reasuring her that you love her only causes you to lose dignity and her to have a safety net, while she heals and dates other guys. You need to let her know that breaking up with you means losing you for good, you need to do this for you. And when I say NC, I mean not replying to ANYTHING, until she says she misses you and wants you back. Me and Jason, are living testaments to NC working as we are both in the process of getting an ex back with us, on our terms. I am not trying to jinx either of us *knock on wood* so follow our example. It's the best thing for you and for your relationship. -Gator
smudge21 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 If you really do want her back then you must walk away. The other posters are 100% correct on this. However, my case is a little different in that me and my ex did remain friends but that was more because I realised she wasn't girlfriend material. I saw a side to her I didn't like and knew the a relationship wouldn't work, but as a friend she was great. I entered the friend zone gladly although she still believed I was interested. That ended when she tried to re-ignite things and I told her straight. If you want to be friends, then continue staying in touch and being there, as a friend. If you want more, then follow the advice of those above.
LostMyHeart Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 I would think that there is a difference between what No Contact really means in an LDR versus a relationship where two people are in the same town. I mean No Contact is really about healing yourself and getting over the hurt...hard to do when you still have feelings for them and are still conversing with them. It's not really about them missing you, seeing that you have changed or even wanting you back....a side effect sometimes, but not an answer. At any rate, in a LDR...no contact is just that and you can't just go out on a date weeks or months later and try to recover like that person is in the same town....am I missing something here?
spackle Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 You are making all of the wrong moves right now. In your head it seems right and it is right. WOMEN DON'T THINK WITH THEIR HEADS WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS. It is all emotional after a breakup, so you need to throw her emotions for a whirl and do the illogical. Go into NC, it will be hard but it is the only way you can move on and the only way that you have any chance of her coming back. It's hard but it works for both of those things, she can't miss you if you're always there. And you constantly reasuring her that you love her only causes you to lose dignity and her to have a safety net, while she heals and dates other guys. You need to let her know that breaking up with you means losing you for good, you need to do this for you. And when I say NC, I mean not replying to ANYTHING, until she says she misses you and wants you back. Me and Jason, are living testaments to NC working as we are both in the process of getting an ex back with us, on our terms. I am not trying to jinx either of us *knock on wood* so follow our example. It's the best thing for you and for your relationship. -Gator I've generally liked/agreed with what you've written so far but I have to question this - what do men think with if not emotions when dealing with relationships/break-ups??
Leviia Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Thank you...but i DONT have alot of friends, we became sooo close she is really all i have to be close to in THAT way, but your right it does seem like she is moving on by us just being friends, and im not. I still tell her i love her and i care but she doesnt text the same back. Is she over me already???? its only been 2 weeks! As a female I would say that this reeks of insecurity. Girls want a strong, secure man. At least in general. The more you grab on and cling to ths woman the more she will backpedal away. I'm VERY independent and just recently when my SO backed away from me and kept NC ..... it drove me nuts. I started to miss him like crazy and I told him last night. He said that it felt good to be missed and he was glad that I told him finally. We just chatted last night but it was nice and not rushed or smothering. Sometimes the best thing to do is to BACK OFF and look at things from an outside type of perspective. No more texts, no more calling. IF she contacts you first be cool casual and just laid back. Don't lie to her but also don't spill everything inside of you. Self control is a wonderful virtue
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