Shocking Pink Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Has anyone here ever found themselves in more then one A/kind of A at the same time?
Hinder Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Yup And OMG it's hard. My first MM, I'm completely in love with. We have been seeing each other for almost 4 years. We talk everyday. I want a life with him but he won't leave his wife. I know he won't but I can't walk away - yet! I'm desperately trying to get the strength to walk away. Second MM - is only a relatively new affair and I'm no where near being in love with him, but we're having fun together
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I'm not sure if I'm really with MM2 or not. I guess he's what you call an EA right now, but I really feel attached to him and I can't seem to let him go even though I told myself I wouldn't get involved with this s**t again. I just really, really, really like him, and I see so much there. He's the kind of guy you just don't meet every day. MM1 I think I'm getting ready to walk away from. A couple years ago I wouldn't have believed it, I was so swept off my feet, but I've seen a lot of things since then! He is the PA, and I used to think I loved him but now I'm not sure what I think about him anymore. It's all just very confusing I'm glad I'm not the only one, Hinder. Are you seeing MM2 to help you get the strength to leave MM1? What if you fall into the same trap with him?
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Do the MM know about one another? Question applies to both you and Hinder.
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Well, MM1 does not know about MM2, and if he did he would be so angry! He is really a hypocrit bc I know that I am his OTHER other woman. I have been noticing how big his ego is lately, and it's kind of a turn off. I just don't see him the way I used to, I guess, though sometimes I still get those old feelings. He's hard to walk away from even when I am pissed at him. MM2 does know about MM1. He thinks I should leave him and be with someone who is not so fake, who really loves me for me. MM2 knows everything about me. If the time comes when I choose between them I will definitely choose my beautiful MM2. But I am not sure if either of us wants that, he is a different kind of MM than MM1, it would be much more complicated!
Hinder Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I'm glad I'm not the only one, Hinder. Are you seeing MM2 to help you get the strength to leave MM1? What if you fall into the same trap with him? Definitely not the only one You know, I'm not really sure I started seeing MM2 to help get the strength to leave MM1 but it's certainly become that now. MM2 and I are no where near as intense as MM1 and I and when I'm with MM2 I struggle because I'm thinking about MM1..he's the one I want to be with whichwayisup - Yes, they both know 'of' each other.
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 I get you Hinder! Do you ever wonder wtf you are doing? lol I think about MM2 a lot, and I am way more conflicted about him, but he and I are not actually lovers. I struggle with my feelings for him, they're different than anything I ever felt before bc he is such a different man. I used to think I couldn't walk away from MM1, but even though we had such fire I knew he was never going to leave his wife. She told him, he could have whatever he wanted but he could never have a divorce, and he agreed. They have an arrangement, they're unbreakable! I would ask myself how I got in so deep, but maybe I wans't that deep after all? Now I think about leaving him a lot. One day I will do it, and I think he senses it bc he is kissing my butt a lot lately . Last year though I would have never thought I would be saying that! Maybe you really do never know!
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 I guess we are the only ones, Hinder
YellowShark Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Perhaps it would be really healthy to figure out why you are interested in unavailable married men instead of single men who could give you 100% all the time. Doesn't all the sneaking around get really old after a while?
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 You probably have a good point there, YellowShark. I do ask myself that sometimes, but you know this has not been a lifelong pattern of mine or anything. There hasn't been as much sneaking around as you would think. MM1 has an arrangement with his wife, I have even met her! I wouldn't make the choices she has made but I have to say she is a pretty good looking, classy older lady. He says she has had lovers, too. He did try to hide me from his OW for a while and when she found out about me she was pissed! But I didn't worry about her to be honest. I do worry about the wife of MM2, which is partly why nothing is physical with us. There's no sneaking there bc nothing has really happened, though maybe she doesnt know what good friends we have become. An affair with him would be so much more complicated. He has told me his marriage was a mistake, but I am trying to wait to see what he is going to do about his mistake. Anyway I am pretty sure I know what attracted me to both MM.
YellowShark Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Well you posted that MM1 doesnt know about MM2. So there is some sneaking around going on between you MM1 and MM2. And then there is the sneaking around between you MM2 and his wife. Plus both MM are married! So what's in it for you? Neither man will be able to give you 100%. You are their cake which they eat and then they go home to their wives. So why do you put up with that? Why not date and love a single man who will love only you and focus only on you? Life is short, why waste your time like that?
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 You have a point, but idk if I'd call that sneaking, I just havne't brought him up. I don't really feel like it's any of MM1's business, bc he has a wife and another OW already and I'm sure he's had others too before us. I used to date single guys, I have nothing against single guys. I fell for MM1 and MM2 bc of who they are not bc they were married.
YellowShark Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 You have a point, but idk if I'd call that sneaking, I just havne't brought him up. You posted... Well, MM1 does not know about MM2, and if he did he would be so angry! He is really a hypocrit bc I know that I am his OTHER other woman. So IMHO you can't be honest with MM1 because he'l freak about MM2. It all seems so unnecessary. I don't really feel like it's any of MM1's business, bc he has a wife and another OW already and I'm sure he's had others too before us. So you're just another notch in MM1's belt. He has other women on the go other than his wife and you. Is this what you want out of life? To be some dudes other other mistress who gets the crumbs of the crumbs of the crumbs? I am not trying to be harsh but why do you have such a low opinion of yourself? I used to date single guys, I have nothing against single guys. I fell for MM1 and MM2 bc of who they are not bc they were married. Well why fall for men who are a) married, and b) serial cheaters? That's a really unhealthy way to go through life Shocking Pink. It says a lot about your self-esteem. I bet there is a really cute single guy out there that has everything to offer you. I bet he's out there right now and can make you as happy as these two cheating married men do. (Without all the drama and compartmentalization.) I just hate to see people used by MM who - when push comes to shove - will abandon you in a heartbeat. Why invest time into guys like that?
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 I think you are leaping to some conclusions here! I dont' sit around crying and begging for crumbs from MM1. I have a pretty full life and he was a great addition to it! He was a powerful, handsome man, he was very exciting. I knew he was married, so I knew we would never ride off and get married but so what? Most relationships dont' end that way. His wife was okay with him dating. I was looking for someone I liked to date, and he swept me off my feet. He was a lot of fun, and he was so intense that I fell for him harder than I meant to. I didn't find out about OW until after I was already with him, and she has more to be upset about than I do as far as I can see. Like I already said though I think I am getting ready to end this so she can have him back full time if she wants him. As for MM2, he is totally different. I have known him for a really long time, before he even got married! Our relationship is very complicated, and he has always been there for me. He's not just some guy I picked up at a bar, he's my friend, and lately our feelings ahve started to change and we are still trying to figure that out. Thanks for the concern but my self esteem is pretty good. I don't have a low opinion of myself I know all the positive things about me that you haven't seen.
OWoman Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Has anyone here ever found themselves in more then one A/kind of A at the same time? Yes. That used to be my standard MO, back in the days...
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Hi OWoman, I can't imagine making this my standard MO, but maybe you were looking for the excitement? Or did it just seem to happen that way a lot? It's my birthday today, Valentines Day. MM1 sent some really gorgeous flowers and some jewelry, and he sent an email asking me if I will still go away with him next weekend. I'm not sure about next weekend so I just said thank you for the birthday/Valentines presents, he knows I'm going to be busy the rest of the day. I'm going over to my mom's for dinner soon and I will see MM2 there. He's not staying for dinner but he said he would drop by for coffee before, and say hi to everybody and drop off a gift and see my daughter. I haven't actually seen him in person in a few weeks and my heart is beating faster just thinking about it! Of course we will be around everybody so we can't say anything out of the ordinary!
Hinder Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Happy Birthday Shocking pink xxx Hope you had a great day! Can't wait to hear how it all went at your mums..?
OWoman Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Hi OWoman, I can't imagine making this my standard MO, but maybe you were looking for the excitement? Or did it just seem to happen that way a lot? Hope you had a great birthday! My choices - it certainly wasn't about the excitement. I had enough excitement in my life. I simply didn't want a full-time R - my life was very full and I was very stretched with other commitments (single parenting, a very challenging career, studies, a very active social life, voluntary activities, hobbies, etc) and did not want all the demands that SGs invariably make. So I preferred MM. And in the same way that you don't only have one friend at a time and do everything with that one friend, so I had a portfolio of MMs that I could select from to match my mood at that particular time. It worked very well for me at that stage of my life.
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 It was a great birthday, thanks! My family had a party for me, and a couple of my best friends came too. My mom made my favorite dinner and then my daughter spent the night at her place while my girlfriends came back to mine and we had cake and champagne and stayed up all night. It was a good thing I took today off! MM2 came by my mom's place for about an hour or so. He didn't stay for dinner but he gave me a super sweet present, it was really thoughtful and showed how well he knows me. He played with my daughter, she hadn't seen him in a few weeks so she was very excited. Whenever he was near me I felt like I was going to be sick or my heart was going to burst out of my chest! I thought everyone would notice something different in the way we looked at each other! A lot of people were around so we didn't talk alone but he sent me an email today and asked me to meet him for coffee this week and told me how beautiful I looked on my birthday Hinder I am glad to hear from you! Are you doing ok? I should maybe check your thread for updates? OWoman, I kind of know what you mean about the convenience. I kind of thought that way about MM1, I was so busy finishing school and taking care of my daughter, I wanted to have some sex and romance in my life but I didn't want all the full time stuff then! I don't know if I would have been ok with it though if I didn't already know his wife was ok with it too, that was a tipping factor for me! But now here I am falling in love with MM2 with all these obstacles too, so maybe you really never know!
Hinder Posted February 16, 2011 Posted February 16, 2011 awww...that's sweet! Sounds like it was a lovely birthday & a gift, so nice! I know what you mean about your heart bursting when you get close...I had dinner with a girlfriend where my MM worked and it was sooooo hard. I was sure everyone would notice I could keep my eyes off him. Glad you had a great birthday...I was thinking of you!
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Isn't it fantastic AND horrible? MM2 has been a part of my family for a long time. My mom already knows something is different between us, but she has known I felt a spark for him for a long time. She is watching like a hawk! Nobody else thinks anything is up, though. And really, not even we know what is going on, so there's not really anything to tell. I am having a hard time focusing on figuring out what to tell MM1 about this weekend. Half of me wants to go and have a good time, just to get out and have a little adventure, plus MM1 is always fun and it's not like I owe anyone anything right now. But half of me is still thinking that it is coming time to end things with him. I think about it, but then I don't feel ready to do it yet, to say goodbye to him. I would miss him. And since it's not like he's madly in love or committed to me either it's not wrong to just try to have a good time. I don't want to sit around obsessing about MM2 all weekend.
carrie999 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I think you are leaping to some conclusions here! I dont' sit around crying and begging for crumbs from MM1. I have a pretty full life and he was a great addition to it! He was a powerful, handsome man, he was very exciting. I knew he was married, so I knew we would never ride off and get married but so what? Most relationships dont' end that way. His wife was okay with him dating. I was looking for someone I liked to date, and he swept me off my feet. He was a lot of fun, and he was so intense that I fell for him harder than I meant to. I didn't find out about OW until after I was already with him, and she has more to be upset about than I do as far as I can see. Like I already said though I think I am getting ready to end this so she can have him back full time if she wants him. As for MM2, he is totally different. I have known him for a really long time, before he even got married! Our relationship is very complicated, and he has always been there for me. He's not just some guy I picked up at a bar, he's my friend, and lately our feelings ahve started to change and we are still trying to figure that out. Thanks for the concern but my self esteem is pretty good. I don't have a low opinion of myself I know all the positive things about me that you haven't seen. While I feel the comments/questions about you getting involved with MM as a pattern are justified, and I was wondering the same thing, there is a difference between the two. It sounds like MM1 was just the fantasy guy who made you feel special because he is rich, handsome, and exciting, whereas MM2 might be someone you could love in a real sense, rather than simply being swept off your feet. I'd dump MM1, since clearly it's a hopeless case. He sounds like an egomaniac who loves having power, and part of that power is equated with having multiple women fall for him. He'll never leave his W for you or anyone else because his arrangement is perfect for him. If he actually did end up with you, he'd expect the same arrangement, or make it a reality for himself anyway. As far as MM2 is concerned, you need to think it through, and this is where Yellowshark's comments come in. Why are you only going for married men? The fact that this time you're falling for someone who you already loved as a friend indicates that you want something real. In normal dating, many people first want fun, then look to settle down with someone more serious, which is a natural progression. But the fact that you are making that progression with unavailable men suggests that you either are terrified of it becoming real, don't trust men enough to date single men looking for a relationship, or just plain undermine your own worth. Think about it. It won't work out with MM2 or anyone else until you figure out what you really want. I wish you the best!
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 I know what everyone means about pattern, but like you said, they are SO different and the situations are SO different. MM1 was just somebody to date, who was strong and exciting and fun, and we had a great time. I got a little swept away, but lately sometimes he turns me off. You're so right, he is all about ego! I am back and forth on it a little bit but I am thinking of going away with him this weekend and telling him that it's the last time. He'll be disappointed but I know he wont' be really hurt or anything, maybe his pride will be a little bruised! MM2 is just completely something else. There's a lot of complicated history with him, and I had a crush on him when I was just in high school and he was my brother's best friend. When my brother died we both went a little crazy, and got a little out of control and changed our own lives in ways we couldn't take back: he ran away and got married, and I ended up having my child. We've become such good friends since then, he's really been there for me and he's my child's godfather! He's NOT just part of some MM pattern at all. I'm not afraid of being real. When I started seeing MM1 I wasn't looking for that, though. Now I could see it happening with MM2, but I have to wait and see. He knows it was a mistake for him to marry her when he barely knew her and he was so messed up about my brother dying, he told me that a LONG time ago before he ever started looking at me like I was a woman and not just his friend's sister. He's been trying to make it work because he took vows, but he can only try for so long. They were in counseling together last year and I dont' think it helped.
Author Shocking Pink Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 I had breakfast with MM2 today, and I told him that I was planning on going away with MM1 this weekend. He looked annoyed, then I told him I was going away with MM1 for the last time bc I was going to end it with him. I told him my heart wasn't in it anymore and I just felt like the time with MM1 had run its' course. Finally he told me some things he's been hinting at! He told me that his marriage wasnt working, that they married too young and for the wrong reasons (well, he told me that once before a long time ago). His wife is finishing school this semester with a degree that will make her very employable. He is going to stay with her until she graduates, and then he is going to move out and ask her for a divorce! Nothing else happened except that we touched hands on the top of the table. I wanted to kiss him so bad, but nothing happened and I know it's better that way. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a mass of emotions!
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