CCfooty Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Hey, Everything about my situation is quite long (a bit here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t262981/ if you want to read). I'll sum it up in a nutshell: - We were together a year, mostly through long distance. She broke up with me 4.5 months ago. - She was still saying she loved me 2.5-3 months after she broke up with me (so, 1.5-2 months ago). - We broke up because I have a VERY hard time trusting... i've been in a few bad relationships. I truly believe we didn't break up for lack of feeling; but I could be wrong? - The way we started was hard for me; she had a girlfriend prior and was continually trying to get with me while she was with her past gf. We stopped talking for over a year because I was worried something would happen (she's cheated on this gf before too - which also didn't help my trust issues). She ended up leaving her gf and was with me less than a month later. - After she left me, another girl seemed to enter the picture pretty quick. She was denying it up til December - when she decided to cut me out because I was questioning SO much about everything (which was stupid of me). - I now know she is currently dating that girl; so turns out I wasn't completely wrong questioning what was going on with that girl... I don't know when it all started, though am guessing after we broke up (just not sure how soon after, which breaks my heart). - After she cut me out, I was pretty good with avoiding contact with her. - We have to go to a week long conference type thing together. It's all about "team building". This is in a couple weeks. - She started to contact me about a month ago... just saying she wanted to be civil. Fine; I agree with that. - I was ignoring her messages, and she made somewhat sarcastic comments to me about that. - Her most recent comments are what confuse me most. She contacted me saying she wanted to have a civil, good relationship with me prior to this conference. I didn't know how to respond, so didn't... she made the sarcastic comments again (such as "well, I tried.. have a good one"... "well it's obvious you don't want me as a part of your life at all"... etc). - I responded to that last one, just saying it's not that at all... but that it's hard for me. She ended up saying she was sorry, and sorry for cutting me out but that she felt she had to because it was hurting us both. (at this point I wanted to say "hurting? You were SLEEPING with someone already!). - Anyway, she ended up apologizing for cutting me out too... and saying she didn't actually want to, because she wanted to talk to me but she needed to because we were hurting each other by talking at that point. That she knows people don't see that she was hurting, but that she doesn't show feelings well and it was easier to pretend she was fine. I really find that last bit so unnecessary. She cut me out in December... and has a girlfriend. I thought by December she was really over me, not having feelings, not having to "pretend" to not have feelings about me. She knows I still care, because she heard I was debating not going to this conference (which is also a reason she's been contacting me).
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 She attempted to goad you into breaking NC, and you did. And it's gotten you in nothing but a worse position than you were before. You have to avoid her goading, don't let her dictate your actions. She will say things like that to you if you ignore her long enough because it bruises her ego, you not being wrapped around her finger. My ex wanted to be "civil" as well. Civil=doormat for us. I am not a doormat, if she doesn't want me the way I want her I have no need to talk to her. If you want your ex back, talking to her at this moment is detrimental, sure you were partially at fault for the breakup, SO WAS SHE. It's a two way street. If she knows you're sorry about what things you did wrong then that's fine. I'd advise staying in NC and doing whatever makes you happy, because contacting her right now is hurting chances of getting her back and actually taking you backwards on the road of healing. my thoughts, -Gator
Author CCfooty Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 She attempted to goad you into breaking NC, and you did. And it's gotten you in nothing but a worse position than you were before. You have to avoid her goading, don't let her dictate your actions. She will say things like that to you if you ignore her long enough because it bruises her ego, you not being wrapped around her finger. My ex wanted to be "civil" as well. Civil=doormat for us. I am not a doormat, if she doesn't want me the way I want her I have no need to talk to her. If you want your ex back, talking to her at this moment is detrimental, sure you were partially at fault for the breakup, SO WAS SHE. It's a two way street. If she knows you're sorry about what things you did wrong then that's fine. I'd advise staying in NC and doing whatever makes you happy, because contacting her right now is hurting chances of getting her back and actually taking you backwards on the road of healing. my thoughts, -Gator Hey Gator, thanks for the response! Yep - it is a two way street. She was right when she told me she hides her feelings. She also runs when things get hard, I do know that. She wants to be civil because we have a week long work opportunity that we have to spend together. We won't be in the same room, but will likely be on the same floor of a hotel together... same course for the week... same itinerary. I'm not looking forward to it, at all. That is where the civil came from - which I agreed with, because I didn't want to start any "drama" in the middle of a week long course with a bunch of other people around that need to participate as well. That's when she made the remark about me obviously not wanting to be a part of her life.... I have been staying NC, haven't mentioned anything since she's said that stuff. Haven't initiated ANY contact with her - so you're right, probably is a bruised ego! She's actually contacted my best friend (they were friends before) a couple days after that; basically saying she wants to be on good terms going into this course. It's so strange to me... Esp since she hasn't said anything to me since then. Just enough to get me rattled I guess...
Recommended Posts