1956peace Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Hi there Terrier, I'm fairly new here but I can tell you that you will not heal from this situation until No Contact is in place between your husband and the OW. Every time he sees her he gets a little pang of what they share and he likes it. The affair stays in tact at some level. Can you live like this? Why would you live like this, you need to sit him down and tell him that is no longer how you chose to live, he will have to decide which is more important to him, his marriage or his work relationship with his OW. Did you expose the affair at the time? Did your husband have to be accountable for his actions with anyone other than you? Would he walk away from the marriage if you gave him an ultimatium? He is the classic cake eater, he gets something from both of you. Is your marriage where you want it to be? I think you ask him to look for work somewhere else, I think even if the two of you move some where else and both find new jobs........you need to start over alone without the OW in the picture............ Maybe your husband won't do anything until he is faced with losing it all to keep her in his life........ He should care about what is happening to you everyday, he shoud be willing to make you happy......money isn't everything..........the two of you and your happiness should be the most important part of this life together........
Author Terrier Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) The most troubling thing he told me was that he does not want or need to share his feelings with me or anyone else!. The subject came up with regard to my reading files on his computer. He didn't want me to read the ones titled 'goals for 2009'. And so on. I asked why. he said they related to personal goals and thoughts that he did not want to share with me. I told him that that made me think that the goals related to other women. He said no that they were things like wanting to lose 20 pounds. He was concerned if I knew he was trying to lose weight that I would say things about what he ate. Well trust me he needs to lose more like eighty pounds and I never comment on what he eats. I just assume anyone that much overweight is trying to lose weight, but doesn't need me making comments at the dinner table. What do you guys think. Do many men refuse to share with their wives such 'personal' information as that the are trying to lose some weight? Btw I just read what I wrote, and I thought that if I were reading this from someone else I would think they were a blithering idiot! Maybe the most valuable part of coming here is putting some of this craziness in writing and then seeing that it makes no sense. I need to focus on me and building a new life. I need to stop worrying about him. He will not change. Edited February 20, 2011 by Terrier
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 sometimes we need a good slap up de head to make us see sense. seems to me you just got one. From yourself. Now, that IS encouraging....
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