skt2020 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 So my bf and i of 4 years are on a break like deal, he needs "space" since we have been fighting so much lately. Its been so hard to give it to him only because when you love someone so much and want to work things out for me personally, its hard to not talk to them because i need to make some kind of resolution. Anyways, i'm definitely learning a hard lesson that the more i try to make things better, the further he runs. The more i want to see him and "talk about it" the less he wants to see me. It sucks because i feel like in many relationships there comes times where you have to go back to the initial games of when you first meet to keep the mystery effect in tact and keep the other person engaged, and the best way to do that is by completely leaving them alone i guess? Its been really hard when he DOES call, and tells me he's going to call later and not getting a call at all.( what is with men doing that!?!) The anxiety totally eats away at me. I just wanted to know others thoughts about space, what it means to you and how much is too much? Also, some of the things you do to distract yourself or some good techniques to fight the burning temptation to call that person. (i've been having to zip my phone up in a random old backpack and put it in the other room with it off, i know it sounds extreme but i really am trying to give my bf space.) p.s: i saw blue valentine with my roommate tonight, that was a great way to make me not want to call him!! It is a great movie for anyone wanting a realistic outlook on a relationship thats falling apart.
0hpenelope Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) So my bf and i of 4 years are on a break like deal, he needs "space" since we have been fighting so much lately. Its been so hard to give it to him only because when you love someone so much and want to work things out for me personally, its hard to not talk to them because i need to make some kind of resolution. Yep, that's understandable. Anyways, i'm definitely learning a hard lesson that the more i try to make things better, the further he runs. The more i want to see him and "talk about it" the less he wants to see me. I did all of this within the week of the break-up and once the week after the break-up and I've disappeared from his life since. The only thing I regret is that it took two attempts before it sunk in that I can't do anything to change his mind. I should've gone dark while he was breaking up with me, agreed to the break-up, and disappeared. So yes, dumpers don't want anything to do with their dumpees because they don't feel good around them. That's one of the holding patterns I noticed in most break-ups. It sucks because i feel like in many relationships there comes times where you have to go back to the initial games of when you first meet to keep the mystery effect in tact and keep the other person engaged, and the best way to do that is by completely leaving them alone i guess? YES. When someone wants space, give space to them. I've started to treat my ex as if he were dead to me. He wants space? He's got it! I've fond memories of him and when I feel them, I just accept them because he's 'dead' to me. Its been really hard when he DOES call, and tells me he's going to call later and not getting a call at all.( what is with men doing that!?!) The anxiety totally eats away at me. I just wanted to know others thoughts about space, what it means to you and how much is too much? That's why I don't usually support LC. It's up to the dumpee, and I don't get on their case about it because eventually, having to experience that repeated rejection or ignoring or what have you eventually catches up to the dumpee. The dumpee usually ends up wanting to stop contact because it just hurts too much. Space is space, hon; there's not too much or too little space. Give it to your SO and disappear so you can focus on yourself. That's really all you can do at this point and nothing else. You've already discovered the more you forced yourself on your SO, the more he wanted to leave, right? Short of hurting yourself and others, there's nothing extreme about what you're doing to control yourself from contacting him. If that's what works for you, good! Do not contact him at all, you don't want him to move further away from you. The odds are already stacked against you, so please don't shoot yourself in the foot by allowing your feelings to cloud better judgment. Don't ruin whatever chance you may have still with this guy. Leave him alone and if you find yourself moving on from your NC, all the better. NC is for you. Edited February 10, 2011 by 0hpenelope
Recommended Posts