how does one handle the different communication styles?

[befreckled]

I was in an LDR prior to this, we were engaged but I was young (I was 19 and it ended when shortly after I turned 22). A decade later, it seems like everything is just so much more difficult. At the early stages, I don't remember feeling all the insecurities that I am experiencing now. One would think that with age, comes more security, wisdom.

 

For the last two weeks, I've been trying to source for the more economical way to fly to his city and it requires alot of permutations. I decided that I wanted to visit because, I have the days off and frankly, I'm the planner and he hasn't gotten around to it yet.

 

Yesterday, I find out that I have a very important work conference that occurs exactly when I want to take my vacation so, there's a good chance I'd have to cancel and figure out alternative dates. I asked him today if we could talk about alternative dates. He was sleepy and true to his rational form, he suggested that he'd give me dates where he needed to be travelling (conferences/meetings). He proceeded to list down those dates and I didn't say anything but it made me feel very replace-able. Like I HAD to work around his schedule.

 

I am certain that it is not how he truly feels but it is the most logical rational thing that has to be done and therefore he does it. I want to not take it personally but it's tres difficult.

[creighton0123]

Sounds like you have nothing to worry about. You had to reschedule and he has business commitments where it would make little sense for you to visit.

 

Pick a new date and have a ball. Chances are these feelings will melt away when you two are together, even if only for a short time.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

maybe he listed the dates in which he would be available and he wants your opinion if you are also available that time or not?

[LittleTiger]

Befreckled, I don't think you need to worry about being replacable.

 

We do this sort of the thing all the time. Because of the massive distance and time difference for us we even have to schedule skype time. He checks his diary every time we speak, tells me when he's available over the next few days and then I work out which of those time slots I can be available for too. My own schedule is more flexible so we work to his timetable rather than mine.

 

Planning trips to actually see each other is a major logistical nightmare.

 

Everybody has commitments that are unavoidable and, as you say, he's doing what needs to be done. It may seem unemotional and overly practical to you but that's how life is sometimes and in LDRs even more so.

 

The trick to handling different communication styles is understanding your SO. You say he acted 'true to his rational form'. That's great. He's consistent. You know, if he's being rational, it has nothing to do with you and is 'just the way he is'.

 

No emotional turmoil required on your part. You have nothing to worry about. Plan your trip and have a great time.

[folieadeux]

I agree with everyone here; it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about as far as being replaceable goes. I think it's great that your SO gave you a list of dates to avoid so to speak. If he didn't want you to come, he wouldn't have done this. It sounds like he was just looking out for what's best for the both of you as he knew he wouldn't be around much during the original time frame. I think the last thing any of us want to do is schedule a visit and go ahead with it only to have our SO's not be around for one reason or another. I definitely think it's better to reschedule at a less busier time for him, even if it means less days together. Quality over quantity.

[befreckled]

thanks for giving me your thoughts.

 

Disclaimer: I wrote that post at the high of my PMS and was very emotional. You know the stereotypes that men have of women that they are ready to wringe your neck or break down in tears in an instance during the time of the month. That's me!

 

TokyoG33kyGal: I love your handle! Perhaps, that was as you said. He is extremely logical and rational and sometimes it feels like he is putting together some lego set.

 

LittleTiger: It feels that my time is more flexible than his which isn't entirely true. You definitely have a point that it is just the way he is. We communicate almost daily and it's alot to maintain if he is not interested.

 

folieadeux: Yup that was the point of him offering the dates. It was late and I asked if we could talk about it alittle and he said that I was probably more familiar with the permutations than he was so he offered to give me the dates that he might not be available.