lululucy Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 It sounds needy and pathetic. I have flaked on a guy or two, and they are always either guys that I am beyond uninterested in and I only agreed to see because I felt bad, or guys that give me the big ol' creeps. I've never gone so far as to not show up, but a text a few hours before we're supposed to meet. Most recently, I called off a date with this guy Craig, and his response made me respect him more -- he said nothing. He texted me back "Sh*tty. K." and then never made any other attempt to contact me. Honestly, if he asked me out again I would go because his obvious unwillingness to put up with crap from me (and the fact that he didn't act like a moron who had too much invested in someone he's not in a relationship) showed me something in him I didn't see. You text her, you're losing any chance at another date another time. She will read it, think "Man, what a dick," and solidify her desire to not ever see you. She won't feel bad, she won't apologise (genuinely anyway) and she won't see you again.
SmileFace Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Her reply: Dude, get a ****ing life. or Your point? or -BLANK- Now,do you really want to deal with that? You are wasting you time - you are a "catch" so this shouldn't be bothering you at all.
elaina Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Just tell me, how does this sound for a text idea? Me : "I'm really not cool with the fact that you told me to go out yesterday and you flaked without bothering to tell me until long after I'd gotten there. Seriously. What the hell was up with that?" Leave her alone. If she contacts you in order to meet up, if you want, give her another chance. If she blows that chance, just let her go. Sometimes what goes around comes around, so she will probably experience something like that later happening to her from someone else.
Cee Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I suggest you delete her number. That way you can move forward and pursue other women. I was in a similar situation with a guy I went on two dates with. And I really liked him. He said he'd call and he didn't. I deleted his number. Two weeks later, I get this random text from an unknown number. I realize it was him. He had texted me at 10 pm on a Saturday night saying how busy he's been, blah, blah, blah. I had already forgotten about him because I was on a 3rd date with another guy. A guy who has since become my boyfriend. Living well is the best revenge.
elaina Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Heh, well I'm glad you feel that way. I was raised by my mom mostly, my dad was always TDY (military born and raised). So I know the hardships women go through, especially young women who basically raise a kid on their own. But at the same time, I kind of don't understand women, because my mom was the only woman around in a house full of males (my brother, me, and my dad). And growing up, my mom played the role under my father, she wasn't necessarily his equal, but he wasn't disrespectful to her - they just had their place, as a man and as a woman. I guess that's why I feel men and women aren't equal. It's what I group up around, men being the dominant figure. There were certain things only a woman could do, and certain things only a man could do. Doesn't mean I don't want women to be treated respectfully and fair...I just believe women and men, by nature, are not equal. That's why I don't think it's necessarily as bad for a man to sleep around as it is for a woman. Again, it's what I grew up around. Meh - all of that is besides the point of this thread. The OP needs to leave this woman alone, she does not respect him. Me personally? If a woman had the nerve to walk out of my life in such a fashion then have the audacity to try and sneak back in, whenever it's convenient for her? I'd surely tell her to go fly a kite. The OP should to, IF, she contacts him. For now, he should just live his life and stop giving this woman anymore of his time and energy than she deserves - which is none. I think men and women are equal, but are different. About it being ok for men to go sleep around, I don't agree, but I was not brought up in an environment where sex outside of marriage was condoned for either males or females, so it is interesting that how people are brought up influences what they think (and some people decide to live totally different of how they were brought up too.) Your Mom sounds like an amazing lady... it's not easy being a Mom I'm sure! It's a huge and important responsibility! I like that better, to go fly a kite lol!
elaina Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I suggest you delete her number. That way you can move forward and pursue other women. I was in a similar situation with a guy I went on two dates with. And I really liked him. He said he'd call and he didn't. I deleted his number. Two weeks later, I get this random text from an unknown number. I realize it was him. He had texted me at 10 pm on a Saturday night saying how busy he's been, blah, blah, blah. I had already forgotten about him because I was on a 3rd date with another guy. A guy who has since become my boyfriend. Living well is the best revenge. Sweet!
xpaperxcutx Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Just tell me, how does this sound for a text idea? Me : "I'm really not cool with the fact that you told me to go out yesterday and you flaked without bothering to tell me until long after I'd gotten there. Seriously. What the hell was up with that?" I would ignore you, or save your message to show to my girlfriends and we can all have a good laugh over drinks.
Andy_K Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 There is absolutely, positively, nothing you can say here to achieve your goal of making her feel guilty and wanting to make it up to you. The time for calling her out on it has passed, leaving you with two options 1) Bring it up again, and look like a five star loser 2) Do. Not. Mention. It. Be vaguely friendly if you must, but don't bother asking her out again.
Engadget Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Wow control freak much there OP? You said not to give you THE ONLY VALID ADVICE for the situation, you sound like you have issues. Ignoring it and moving on is the only option, but you seem hellbent on looking like an idiot so go for it. Make sure to stalk her too, wowzers.
NYCGirly Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I would ignore you, or save your message to show to my girlfriends and we can all have a good laugh over drinks. LOL I would do the same thing.
sally4sara Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Just tell me, how does this sound for a text idea? Me : "I'm really not cool with the fact that you told me to go out yesterday and you flaked without bothering to tell me until long after I'd gotten there. Seriously. What the hell was up with that?" Go ahead and tell her this. Its as true now as it was in the moment and you want to say something to her about it so just send it. I'm glad you type that you think of yourself as a catch. What I hope for you is that you get to the point where you believe it enough to not waste more energy on someone who doesn't get it or see what you have to offer. RECIPROCITY. Make that your goal rather than casual sex. Giving your efforts to someone who shows reciprocity will net you better associations that you might want to keep around even after you've gotten laid. Someone like this, I can understand why you'd want to pull a pump and dump out of revenge despite how thin that kind of dealing is. If she had been more considerate, would you still just want to run off after getting laid?
Lilmisus Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Just tell me, how does this sound for a text idea? Me : "I'm really not cool with the fact that you told me to go out yesterday and you flaked without bothering to tell me until long after I'd gotten there. Seriously. What the hell was up with that?" If I got a text like that out of the blue, I wouldn't feel guilty, I'd just label you under: "psychos to never go out with, ever again." If it's brought up, say something, if not, keep from embarrassing yourself. But since you're so persistent in texting her and giving her a piece of your mind, give her all of your mind, since regardless, texting her will make sure you don't hear from her again so how about: You: I don't think you realized just how much I was looking forward to yesterday, I was so excited to take you out, and you let me completely down when you not only flaked on me, but you didn't let me know in advance. Do you realize you embarrassed me yesterday? It wasn't only rude, but it hurt my ego and pride and it has turned me into a raging maniac for the past 24 hours. No girl has ever done this to me before, and it has only made me want you more. But I not only want to take you out again obviously, I want you to WANT me to. Beg me, please, I'm begging of you. It will make me feel so much better, and let me move on from you. BTW why'd you do it anyway? Just curious. Text me back. No matter what you say to her at this point, she will read it like that. Especially the text you suggested.Trust me. GET OVER IT.
Gala Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) There are lots of people of both sexes who will treat others badly because that is what they do, and they want to see if you'll put up with it. Early behavior is an indicator of what happens later, if one is willing to stick around. It can be tempting to want to "make" someone feel bad. But it is a profound waste of time. People usually know on some level if they're engaging in behavior that is ****ed up, though often they will deny it up and down. But even if they feel bad, will they behave differently going forward? Usually, no. Letting go is the only path forward. I have received apologies I never would have expected, including one years later from a guy who kicked me out of bed pretty abruptly in the middle of the night with a flimsy explanation. It was really upsetting, though I was quite cool in the moment. Subsequently we would see each other when hanging a few times a year with mutual friends, but I never said a word about it to him - or anyone who knew him. He initiated an apology that really helped, though he always was kind of flaky...the basic stripes didn't change. This is all ancient history (like, really ancient!) now, and I see him around and it's fine. I hope this is helpful somehow. Edited February 10, 2011 by Gala adding info
mtber75 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I know the feeling! I hate it when women (especially the young ones) act very flirtatious and than all of a sudden blow you off! She probably has a bf already! I think they just love the attention that they get from men. If your that bitter about this. Look her up on Facebook and post your bitterness on her wall? Just call her up (leave a message) and say that its common courtesy for you to notify me of your schedule because I went out of my way to try to meet with you! Be a man about this and don't be so petty!
GivenUp0083 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 If you'd wasted as much time as I have trying to help this dickhead, only to have him waste your time and expect you to do everything for him, you'd feel the same way. Take a look at some of the other threads he's started, start with "My POF journal" and take it from there. Dude's an *******, a loser, and definitely not a catch. Just tell me, how does this sound for a text idea? Me : "I'm really not cool with the fact that you told me to go out yesterday and you flaked without bothering to tell me until long after I'd gotten there. Seriously. What the hell was up with that?" Looks like iJester was right, OP isn't getting the message to just let it go. He's buying into what we call "the Big Lie" which is the misleading belief that there's a magical perfect wording that you can say to a girl to get her to be into you when sometimes you have to accept the fact someone isn't going to be interested and you should be focusing your time and effort on women that are.
Lilmisus Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 If your that bitter about this. Look her up on Facebook and post your bitterness on her wall? Just call her up (leave a message) and say that its common courtesy for you to notify me of your schedule because I went out of my way to try to meet with you! Be a man about this and don't be so petty! That will DEFINITELY solve your problems. Go with this guy. Especially the first suggestion of posting your bitterness on her Facebook wall. Every girl loves a man who makes their business everyone else's business.
Hurtbunny Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 100% agree with all of the other posters. The time has passed now, let go. Do NOT make contact, do not engage. Swallow it up and its gonna be annoying. But the alternative makes you look much worse. I know she was bang out of order and I know you want her to feel bad. But I believe in karma and what goes around comes around. She will get the same thing done to her at some point. If she ever makes contact again, THEN you can have a little fun. But you have to wait for her to make contact first now. Delete, forget, live well and this will be something amusing to look back on. Anything you text now looks like you can't make your mind up... damn... next time make that b**** feel it by giving her no time of the day. When someone flakes, throw them away. Its as simple as that. You get one shot at making a first impression. Hey, when you don't show up to a job interview does that employer then turn around and give you a second chance? NO? They already ruled you out as flakey and unreliable, and even if they didn't and it was due to some genuine reason that is the way that the world works and we have to weed the flakes somehow. And now we give our hearts and lives less respect than that to which we would of a job? Seriously? <All of you saying about second chances why??? Statistically maybe a very small percent of people that flaked were genuine. And an even smaller percentage of those that flaked that were genuine we were even compatible with in the first place. Are we really this desperate to find love though??> I don't have the time for flakey people, its a simple as that.
Author U1987 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 :lmao: I can't believe you seriously asked that question. You, the big player... needs to ask about playing? Please, just let it go. Date other people. The best way to get back at others is to live better than them. Or get hotter girlfriends. Much easier said than done. I'm not a woman; I can't just wear a low-rise tank top and press my chest together to form some cleavage infront of the opposite sex and have them start drooling. It took MONTHS to get a date, and this situation with her has completely rattled my confidence with the other girl I went on a date with a little over a week ago.
Author U1987 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Dude, you're going Patrick Bateman on us again. That is absurd. If someone gets angry because they were misled or blown off, that makes them a psycho serial killer? Are you some hardcore Buddhist or something?
Author U1987 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 100% agree with all of the other posters. The time has passed now, let go. Do NOT make contact, do not engage. Swallow it up and its gonna be annoying. But the alternative makes you look much worse. I hope you understand and appreciate how hard it is to just let this go. Part of me wants to tell her off to the point of her crying over this, part of me still wants to date her. Nothing else or inbetween will satisfy me over this.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I hope you understand and appreciate how hard it is to just let this go. Part of me wants to tell her off to the point of her crying over this, part of me still wants to date her. Nothing else or inbetween will satisfy me over this. Time will, if you let it.
TaurusTerp Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I hope you understand and appreciate how hard it is to just let this go. Part of me wants to tell her off to the point of her crying over this, part of me still wants to date her. Nothing else or inbetween will satisfy me over this. Can you seriously not understand how pathetic that is? Your mindset is not that of a catch - it's that of a desperate, desperate man. Ignore her and be done with it. Or go cry, whatever man.
dispatch3d Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) I got out of class at 5:30 and I texted her. Me (5:37) : "Just got out of class. Be there soon." I got to the club and looked around but she wasn't anywhere. So I called, but she didn't pick up so I texted her again. Me (6:04) : "Hey, where are you?" I looked around some more and even outside, but she wasn't around, so I just sat down at the bar, hoping she'd show up soon. Me (6:35) : "I dunno if you got my last message. Get back to me as soon as you get this." Her (6:39) : "Sry im just going to bed cos i have to work and have a test for school so I can't today" :cool::cool::cool::cool: In my head, I'm thinking "Are you ****ing serious?" but I just played it cool on the text. Me (6:40) : "Hey no prob. I want to hear about the interview though. What time do you get out of class tomorrow?" Her (6:43) : "Oh the interview went reaallyy goooood lol and i have school then work blaaaaaaaaaah :(" Me (6:49) : "Damn your schedule sucks haha! When ARE you free?" Her (7:04) : "Thats what i ask myself lol but yeah it sucks" I'm a little embarassed to admit I was getting desperate at this point. Me (7:14) : "How's saturday night? I get out of work at 9:30." Her (7:16) : "Nope work day to night sry ill let you know ok?" Me (7:19) : "Whatev. Cya." :cool: is where I think I would take a different stance. She's obviously not being very considerate, especially not letting you know she wasn't going to meet you at the bar. I'm guessing she didn't get the job, so she's upset. I can't tell though. I would start inquiring there if she's upset about something and would like to talk about it. I wouldn't start trying to setup another date. The timing is very very bad. This could (easily) come off like you are just trying to get in her pants. Not good. You have to care about her too, and if something bad just happened which is causing this type of behaviour it should be asked about. It better be a good reason though. I would tred carefully with girls who rationalize a lot of very bad behaviour - because you will get treated like **** in a relationship. as for the anger. You need to put less stock in being rewarded by outside things - be it people, events, etc. Basing validation on personal views allows people to not put too much stock in whether x particular girl shows up, yadayada. Edited February 14, 2011 by dispatch3d
tiger20 Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 I don't believe in calling her out on flaking out on the date. She flakes out fine. I don't even say anything about it. I just go home & throw her number away & move on. She's out.
dispatch3d Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 There is one big reason I would never ever intentionally act angry at a girl or person who did this sort of thing. Some people cannot discriminate between good and bad attention. If you feed them bad attention, it actually rewards their behaviour. I was thinking today about why it always seems like i'm at fault when things go wrong. I'm starting to realize a big part of it is I just ASSUME i'm the one whose in the wrong. Today I told my roomate that he's being inconsiderate laughing and carrying on loudly at like 1 in the morning when the other roomates gf has to get up at like 7 am for work. He told me I'm an *******. At that stage I could agree, or do what I did "No, I'm not an *******. You're being inconsiderate." Anyhow, just a thought. If you assume you are always in the right, then other people will assume that as well. If the opposite is assumed, well, expect to get **** on ;-). Don't be mean to people though. Morals matter, despite what this chick justifies when she's pissed.
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