Author U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I think the best you can do is ask her out again a few days from now. If she declines, next her. The ship has sailed. Next her how, specifically?
Author U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Great self-esteem is a major turn on for any girl. Cockiness is not. Fuming over why she stood you up is also a turn off. You want this girl to kick herself for standing you up? To beg you to let you to take her out again? Act like you don't care (especially if you do). Please define "acting like I don't care." Because we don't see eachother often. It's not like how go to visit her often. How is she supposed to "see" me "not caring?"
Lilmisus Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Please define "acting like I don't care." Because we don't see eachother often. It's not like how go to visit her often. How is she supposed to "see" me "not caring?" By not trying to contact her. If she contacts you, keep it brief, but friendly, like it doesn't bother you that the last time you were supposed to see each other she stood you up. If she asks what your doing, say you're getting ready for a date with a girl you just met (don't lie about it though, but don't hide it if it's true, use it for all it's worth). If you so happen to be Facebook friends, do only positive updates. If you happen to run into her, act like you forgot about it, but DON'T ask her out again. There are so many ways to act like you don't care, but don't screw it up by saying you're upset about her, that will only give her power, and you need the upper hand here. So cool off, go ask some girl on a date, and even though you don't want to, move on! Biggest way to say "in your face" to a girl. One time I thought I got stood up and I wanted nothing more than to yell at the dude and put him in his place (just like you seem to be right now). Countless people told me what I'm (and most others here) are telling you, and believe me, it worked. It's been over ten months since, and I'm still with him. You may not like this solution, but it's proven to be the most effective.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Please define "acting like I don't care." Because we don't see eachother often. It's not like how go to visit her often. How is she supposed to "see" me "not caring?" :lmao: I can't believe you seriously asked that question. You, the big player... needs to ask about playing? Please, just let it go. Date other people. The best way to get back at others is to live better than them. Or get hotter girlfriends.
sweetjasmine Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Punch her in the face. It'll do wonders for your self-esteem, and then she'll be slobbering all over you like every female is supposed to be doing. If anyone takes issue with it, show them your resume. Or alternately, you could be a normal, well-adjusted person and let it go.
bayouboi Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Punch her in the face. I agree with jasmine, it's the only way you can remedy this situation!
GivenUp0083 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 *sigh* ..... Which is why I'm asking what can I do NOW? Look, telling you want to do isn't going to help you as much as pointing out where you were wrong and LEARNING FROM IT so you can avoid these situations in the future. Early 20's is an odd time in people's lives as you're still developing as an adult and figuring yourself out. She doesn't even know what she wants, which is why one day she's all over you and the next day she's flaking on you. I've been in this situation and I know how you feel. You want her, but you are frustrated she treated you this way. You don't want it to happen again and you also don't want to hurt your chance with her. The truth is: you don't have a chance with her. What can you do now? Date another girl. Do you know of any of her friends? Ask them out. If you can spend time with a girl she knows it'll be a jealousy rampage for a girl her age. Then if she says anything about it, you can say "well you stood me up and I wanted to hang out with someone, your friend was available". That'll give the attitude that you don't care so much about HER as much as you just care about enjoying your life and having fun. That's what I would do personally. She works at a bar or club? Ask out another girl and bring her there, let her see you there with another girl. Yes. Remember one of my other posts? My "Dating Manifesto?" I believe I'm a catch. Girls should not flake on me; this girl should be tripping over herself to be with me. I cannot understand why she isn't. If you believe you're a catch, you sure have a hard time showing it. Girls SHOULDNT do a lot of things but they do. Hell, they'll let their boyfriends/husbands beat the crap out of them dozens of times and still never leave them but they stay with them anyway. You can't control her or understand her, you'll only drive yourself nuts. I know you don't want to hear this answer, but it's the best answer: you need to forget her. Please define "acting like I don't care." Because we don't see eachother often. It's not like how go to visit her often. How is she supposed to "see" me "not caring?" Based on your text conversation, you seem too eager, too ready, too available. You're like "hey when are you able to meet, what time is good for you, oh your schedule sucks too bad how about tomorrow?" How about saying NOTHING to her right now. Wait for her to text YOU. It may take a few weeks, but she just might do it. When she does, start to be more vague in your responses. Example: Her: hey what's up You: not much Her: haven't heard from ya in a while You: yeah, been busy Her: What are you up to this week (this is her baiting you into asking her out so she can flake/reject you) You: Going out to dinner tonight, maybe some clubs with friends this week (she doesn't know who you are going to dinner with, could be another girl for all she knows) Do you see where I'm going with this? Don't ask her out, don't initiate contact, CONTROL the conversation. By not sharing any information you won't seem eager and it'll force her to show HER hand. If she then says: Her: Wanna get together tomorrow after work? You: Maybe, what time? Her: I was thinking 8 You: Possibly, where would we meet Her: at X bar (this is where you have some power) You can either say: Sure, see ya there, gotta run or You can say: Not sure I might be busy, I'll let you know Now she's chasing YOU. At this point you can't be concerned about winning her over. She has to win you BACK as she's almost lost you. Make her show her interest, stop showing yours.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 And please don't reply "Next/Ignore/Forget Her." That will do nothing for my self esteem or her manners. I want a response that will make her feel bad and make her want to make it up to me. Dude, you're going Patrick Bateman on us again. I think you have serious control issues and trying to exert them on women is ... really creepy. You can't MAKE people do anything. She was a jerk for standing you up. Like everyone else said, it would have been appropriate to tell her your feelings about that AT THE TIME. Now it's a complete waste of time to even think about it. You are NOTHING to her (no matter what a "catch" YOU think you are, obviously she does not share your perspective on that). Though I have to tell you that I think you need a lot of help before you actually will be the catch you think you are, you also need to know that not every person is attracted or interested in somebody just because they have certain "good" characteristics. Anyway, she does not care about you, sorry. You can't "make" her feel anything. All you can do is express your own feelings about it, and if you do that at this point it will only cause you to feel worse about yourself and have no resulting impact on her whatsoever, except she might feel like she dodged a bullet by not meeting up with you at all. And WHY would you want to go out with a girl that a) showed that she is a flake and disrespected your time b) you had to "MAKE" feel bad so she would go out with you? If you insist on being told what to text, how about " I HATE FLAKES."
GivenUp0083 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Dude, you're going Patrick Bateman on us again. I think you have serious control issues and trying to exert them on women is ... really creepy. You can't MAKE people do anything. She was a jerk for standing you up. Like everyone else said, it would have been appropriate to tell her your feelings about that AT THE TIME. Now it's a complete waste of time to even think about it. You are NOTHING to her (no matter what a "catch" YOU think you are, obviously she does not share your perspective on that). Though I have to tell you that I think you need a lot of help before you actually will be the catch you think you are, you also need to know that not every person is attracted or interested in somebody just because they have certain "good" characteristics. Anyway, she does not care about you, sorry. You can't "make" her feel anything. All you can do is express your own feelings about it, and if you do that at this point it will only cause you to feel worse about yourself and have no resulting impact on her whatsoever, except she might feel like she dodged a bullet by not meeting up with you at all. And WHY would you want to go out with a girl that a) showed that she is a flake and disrespected your time b) you had to "MAKE" feel bad so she would go out with you? If you insist on being told what to text, how about " I HATE FLAKES." I HATE FLAKES I love it. Did this to a girl recently actually, sure got a good response out of her and she sounded like she was chasing me again, but guess what: she sounded really serious about making plans then she FLAKED AGAIN! Ask yourself this question: If you really liked someone and wanted to date them, would you stand them up? Hell no, you'd make every attempt you possibly could to make sure you showed up to that date on time and at the very LEAST you would warn her if you were late or couldn't make it. Did she do any of those things? What kind of person does this? If she likes you, why would she do this? Answer: she doesn't like you
iJester Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 You are not a catch. You are smart and will probably make a lot of money, but you are still a loser with no sense of self. She didn't "flake" on you. She ditched a weird guy that popped up at her job. Seriously, the only way to make her think twice about you, is to not contact her because she already knows you're gaga over her. She doesn't give a **** about you, your time, or your feelings. Goodluck dip****.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 You are not a catch. You are smart and will probably make a lot of money, but you are still a loser with no sense of self. She didn't "flake" on you. She ditched a weird guy that popped up at her job. Seriously, the only way to make her think twice about you, is to not contact her because she already knows you're gaga over her. She doesn't give a **** about you, your time, or your feelings. Goodluck dip****. Ok first of all let me start my post by saying ^ - **** that guy and his opinion of you. Second of all, **** that chick and her opinion of you, and why she flaked. Who cares. You want to know what to text her? Text her "**** off" next time she hits you up, if she does. At least that's what I would do, sometimes you just have to be a jerk to a total bitch or she's going to keep being a total bitch to other men. Be the one to set her straight, and then drop her like a flaming filthy smelly sack of ****.
Jazzari Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Second of all, **** that chick and her opinion of you, and why she flaked. Who cares. You want to know what to text her? Text her "**** off" next time she hits you up, if she does. At least that's what I would do, sometimes you just have to be a jerk to a total bitch or she's going to keep being a total bitch to other men. Be the one to set her straight, and then drop her like a flaming filthy smelly sack of ****.I totally agree with this. Forget the revenge bit. You've already wasted too much time and effort on this girl. You'd be better off using that time to find a girl who is worth it. Besides, being happy is the best revenge anway.
O'Malley Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I think you have serious control issues and trying to exert them on women is ... really creepy. You can't MAKE people do anything. She was a jerk for standing you up. Like everyone else said, it would have been appropriate to tell her your feelings about that AT THE TIME. Now it's a complete waste of time to even think about it. You are NOTHING to her (no matter what a "catch" YOU think you are, obviously she does not share your perspective on that). The above. Giving this girl any attention, negative or positive, just will reinforce her current opinion of you. Worse, it makes you look invested in the outcome of this situation, appearing as though you have nothing better to do than get her attention. If she ever contacts you again, either ignore her, or as Mme. Chaucer suggested, "Sorry, no time for flakes." Sending some kind of text manifesto proclaiming your outrage at her conduct is just shooting yourself in the foot, in my opinion.
elaina Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I always believe in second chances, and the benefit of the doubt to an extent. I do too For example, a guy I REALLY like called me 2 nights ago and said he would call me the next day, but didn't. I didn't call him, but I was upset. He messaged me later though saying he was tired from his work and workout, told me his schedule, and then said he'd call me back the next night. I was thinking, well if he doesn't than I'm going to forget him (easier said than done lol) but he did call me last night! Yay!!! I really like talking to him, and even if things don't work out romantically (which I hope they do) I hope he and I become good friends! Anyways, yeah 2nd chances are great. However, this girl did not show all that much interest in planning a time to get together. Still, it is possible she's just really busy. So, yeah the OP should give her another chance. Hopefully she's not just brushing him off. I wish sometimes that we could read others' minds, but how scary would that be lol!
SmileFace Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 You want to know what to text her? Text her "**** off" next time she hits you up, if she does. Just to be clear... it would be pointless for him to text her out of the blue saying "**** you"....right?
elaina Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I believe I'm a catch. Girls should not flake on me; this girl should be tripping over herself to be with me. I cannot understand why she isn't. LOL sometimes guys are just too funny!!!!
elaina Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Ok first of all let me start my post by saying ^ - **** that guy and his opinion of you. Second of all, **** that chick and her opinion of you, and why she flaked. Who cares. You want to know what to text her? Text her "**** off" next time she hits you up, if she does. At least that's what I would do, sometimes you just have to be a jerk to a total bitch or she's going to keep being a total bitch to other men. Be the one to set her straight, and then drop her like a flaming filthy smelly sack of ****. Ahh... I thought you were a gentleman by not calling the girl you slept with a bitch, but here you call a girl you don't even know that... hmmm. Cursing at a woman is not going to stop her from acting badly to other men... FYI. It's actually going to feed the fire. Or do you think women cursing at you will make you stop acting badly to other women? Doesn't work that way, you know. Setting a woman straight isn't done by cursing at them or anything like that.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Ahh... I thought you were a gentleman by not calling the girl you slept with a bitch, but here you call a girl you don't even know that... hmmm. Cursing at a woman is not going to stop her from acting badly to other men... FYI. It's actually going to feed the fire. Or do you think women cursing at you will make you stop acting badly to other women? Doesn't work that way, you know. Setting a woman straight isn't done by cursing at them or anything like that. It'd only be reciprocating the way she's been treating him, just in a verbal way - like ****. I called this woman a bitch because she is one. Just like I'm sure you've called a couple guys "****ing *******", and they probably deserved it.
NYCGirly Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I will echo everyone here in saying that I think you're absolutely nuts to even think about still wanting to hang out with a girl who CLEARLY doesn't like or respect you. You say you don't want to hear "ignore her" but that is honestly the only course of action for this situation. I would be boiling mad if I went to a bar solo waiting for someone who was never coming. Move on and live a happier life without someone so callous- that is really the only "revenge" that will make a bit of difference here.
iJester Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Ok first of all let me start my post by saying ^ - **** that guy and his opinion of you. If you'd wasted as much time as I have trying to help this dickhead, only to have him waste your time and expect you to do everything for him, you'd feel the same way. Take a look at some of the other threads he's started, start with "My POF journal" and take it from there. Dude's an *******, a loser, and definitely not a catch.
elaina Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 It'd only be reciprocating the way she's been treating him, just in a verbal way - like ****. I called this woman a bitch because she is one. Just like I'm sure you've called a couple guys "****ing *******", and they probably deserved it. Well, I do call guys losers when I feel they are, but no I don't call them other things. Anyways I don't want to argue with you. As I said in the other thread, you have my respect with how you are with the woman you know, so arguing with you about this isn't respectful lol. I was just surprised at you using that word for this woman you don't know, but then, it's obvious you care for a woman who you do know and even when she called you a "bad name" you don't sound like you were cruel to her at all. That's most important, how you treat the women in your life.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Well, I do call guys losers when I feel they are, but no I don't call them other things. Anyways I don't want to argue with you. As I said in the other thread, you have my respect with how you are with the woman you know, so arguing with you about this isn't respectful lol. I was just surprised at you using that word for this woman you don't know, but then, it's obvious you care for a woman who you do know and even when she called you a "bad name" you don't sound like you were cruel to her at all. That's most important, how you treat the women in your life. Agreed. Resorting to name calling doesn't make you a better person and as one should know, girls gossip and you certainly do not want your reputation to precede you. Sometimes it's just better to walk away and live happier and better than the person who slighted you.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Well, I do call guys losers when I feel they are, but no I don't call them other things. Anyways I don't want to argue with you. As I said in the other thread, you have my respect with how you are with the woman you know, so arguing with you about this isn't respectful lol. I was just surprised at you using that word for this woman you don't know, but then, it's obvious you care for a woman who you do know and even when she called you a "bad name" you don't sound like you were cruel to her at all. That's most important, how you treat the women in your life. Heh, well I'm glad you feel that way. I was raised by my mom mostly, my dad was always TDY (military born and raised). So I know the hardships women go through, especially young women who basically raise a kid on their own. But at the same time, I kind of don't understand women, because my mom was the only woman around in a house full of males (my brother, me, and my dad). And growing up, my mom played the role under my father, she wasn't necessarily his equal, but he wasn't disrespectful to her - they just had their place, as a man and as a woman. I guess that's why I feel men and women aren't equal. It's what I group up around, men being the dominant figure. There were certain things only a woman could do, and certain things only a man could do. Doesn't mean I don't want women to be treated respectfully and fair...I just believe women and men, by nature, are not equal. That's why I don't think it's necessarily as bad for a man to sleep around as it is for a woman. Again, it's what I grew up around. Meh - all of that is besides the point of this thread. The OP needs to leave this woman alone, she does not respect him. Me personally? If a woman had the nerve to walk out of my life in such a fashion then have the audacity to try and sneak back in, whenever it's convenient for her? I'd surely tell her to go fly a kite. The OP should to, IF, she contacts him. For now, he should just live his life and stop giving this woman anymore of his time and energy than she deserves - which is none.
Author U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Just tell me, how does this sound for a text idea? Me : "I'm really not cool with the fact that you told me to go out yesterday and you flaked without bothering to tell me until long after I'd gotten there. Seriously. What the hell was up with that?"
NYCGirly Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Just tell me, how does this sound for a text idea? Me : "I'm really not cool with the fact that you told me to go out yesterday and you flaked without bothering to tell me until long after I'd gotten there. Seriously. What the hell was up with that?" Dude the opportunity has already passed. This would seem like it's coming out of nowhere especially since you basically excused her actions already. The effect will be lost and if I were her I would just disregard the text since you already made it clear you still want to hang out with me despite what I did. I wouldn't take this text at all seriously.
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