U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 And please don't reply "Next/Ignore/Forget Her." That will do nothing for my self esteem or her manners. I want a response that will make her feel bad and make her want to make it up to me. I went to go visit this girl at the gas station she works at; the one who was a minor when she liked me but is legal now, not the nursing student in my class from last week. We had gone out once and kissed almost 2 weeks ago, but never got a chance at a second date because of school, work and a whole bunch of snow storms. She came around the counter to hug me. She was pretty dolled so I told her she looked great. She said thanks and that she was going to an interview for a bar tending job at a club downtown at 5:00. She actually asked me out right then and there, asking if I want to come along and to go out after. I told her that I had class until 5:30, but that I could drop be there a little after 6:00 and we could head out from there. She agreed, I left and I was looking forward to our date all day. I got out of class at 5:30 and I texted her. Me (5:37) : "Just got out of class. Be there soon." I got to the club and looked around but she wasn't anywhere. So I called, but she didn't pick up so I texted her again. Me (6:04) : "Hey, where are you?" I looked around some more and even outside, but she wasn't around, so I just sat down at the bar, hoping she'd show up soon. Me (6:35) : "I dunno if you got my last message. Get back to me as soon as you get this." Her (6:39) : "Sry im just going to bed cos i have to work and have a test for school so I can't today" In my head, I'm thinking "Are you ****ing serious?" but I just played it cool on the text. Me (6:40) : "Hey no prob. I want to hear about the interview though. What time do you get out of class tomorrow?" Her (6:43) : "Oh the interview went reaallyy goooood lol and i have school then work blaaaaaaaaaah :(" Me (6:49) : "Damn your schedule sucks haha! When ARE you free?" Her (7:04) : "Thats what i ask myself lol but yeah it sucks" I'm a little embarassed to admit I was getting desperate at this point. Me (7:14) : "How's saturday night? I get out of work at 9:30." Her (7:16) : "Nope work day to night sry ill let you know ok?" Me (7:19) : "Whatev. Cya." I'm really annoyed at this situation. It's not like I pressured her into a date; she asked me out. I went out of my way to go to where she was supposedly going to be at, but she never even bothered to warn me that she wanted to go home or to cancel. Then when she did (long after I had already gotten there and was waiting for her) she made a quarter-assed apology and made no offer to reschedule. I'm pretty angry and annoyed with her, but moreover, I'm angry at myself for acting like I was okay with it in our text exchanges. I don't want her to think I'm okay with this, which is why "Next/Launch/Ignore Her" is absolutely not an option. What can I say that will let her know that I'm not okay with the way she acted today and that she should make it up to me? When should I say it?
SmileFace Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I would usually say ,give her the benefit of the doubt and try one more time. However I tried that with a guy recently and he continued to be flake , so forget benefit of the doubt. LAUNCH! Please be aware that I am bitter,lol Ok but seriously I don't think you should give her another chance due to the fact that she didn't even acknowledge the fact that you were suppose to meet up. The ball is in her court, if she wants anything with you, she will contact you. Best of luck
Author U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Ok but seriously I don't think you should give her another chance due to the fact that she didn't even acknowledge the fact that you were suppose to meet up. So like I said, how should I let her know I'm not okay with what she did? I really, really, REALLY don't want to just let her walk away from this without saying a word thinking it's alright.
daphne Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 If you were going to say something about her behavior to get her to see how awful it was, you should have done it during the text conversation but it sounds like you wussed out. Unfortunately, if you do it now it's too late and she's not going to see how rude it was. Plus, now she's probably lost respect for you since you didn't really show integrity. Instead of standing up for yourself right there and then you glossed over it and mentioned another night and gave her another opportunity to reject you. I don't think you can recover from this, honestly. Next time assess quickly and if you're going to call someone out on bad behavior, do it right away when they do it. You don't have to be nasty but you can be direct and firm. She might have responded more favorably than to you kowtowing around it and trying to get another day when she probably knows she acted crappy.
LifesBeachy Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Well, I'd say if you really want to get at her you'd have to get in her face and grill her on why she was a noshow... But you could easily come off as a psychoooo. I know you're not, you're just annoyed and miffed (as well you should be).. That was quite disrespectful of her. HRM. Ask her why'd she asked you out and was a no-show... A real woman wouldn't do that... And you only like real women. Throw down- She's got one of two options: either meet you face-to-face and apologize and you won't kick her out of your life... or her other option is to lose your number STAT since you don't want to be bothered by her trite, useless txts. Honestly, yeh.. the ball goes in her court. Maybe this will get your mind rolling on another solution... These things are tricky..
SmileFace Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 So like I said, how should I let her know I'm not okay with what she did? I really, really, REALLY don't want to just let her walk away from this without saying a word thinking it's alright. Sorry, I didn't mean not to answer your question. It is to late for you to really tell her. What are you going to do , text her and be like " I don't appreciate what you did ,I want an apology, and by the way are you free sunday morning". It doesn't actually work. You should have told her when you were texting. The time has passed, if she contacts you , sure you can tell her then but I think it is too late.
Lilmisus Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I always believe in second chances, and the benefit of the doubt to an extent. Try only one more time with this chick, and if she flakes again on you (especially without a warning) or doesn't contact you, then just forget it, since she obviously isn't worth your time. I say wait about a week or so, and if she doesn't get back to you like she said she would, maybe stop by her job, and say it was on your way someplace and you thought you'd stop to say hey. If you do that though, don't be too friendly (cause ya, she stood you up basically) but come across as decent and not bitter. You could see if she was free any time, and if she says no or seems basically uninterested, just say something along the lines of "whatever, I wont bother you anymore, you're obviously too busy all the time, so see ya." And just leave it at that.
Author U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 If you were going to say something about her behavior to get her to see how awful it was, you should have done it during the text conversation but it sounds like you wussed out. Unfortunately, if you do it now it's too late and she's not going to see how rude it was. Plus, now she's probably lost respect for you since you didn't really show integrity. Instead of standing up for yourself right there and then you glossed over it and mentioned another night and gave her another opportunity to reject you. I don't think you can recover from this, honestly. Next time assess quickly and if you're going to call someone out on bad behavior, do it right away when they do it. You don't have to be nasty but you can be direct and firm. She might have responded more favorably than to you kowtowing around it and trying to get another day when she probably knows she acted crappy. *sigh* ..... Which is why I'm asking what can I do NOW?
Author U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 just forget it ... And just leave it at that. What did I say at the beginning and end of my thread and my 3rd post?
Lilmisus Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Another option actually: if she does text you, don't initiate another date. If she asks you out again, give a little stinger like "I don't know, I'm not one to put myself in the spot to be stood up twice." Just calling her or whatever saying: "I can't believe you did this!" is just immature and not cool at all. But you also have to wonder why she did it: Genuine disinterest? Was truly too busy? Or maybe she's seeing someone else, and you're just a guy on the side? It sucks to think about, but a busy schedule, and standing you up without calling ahead of time are signs that point in that direction.
daphne Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 *sigh* ..... Which is why I'm asking what can I do NOW? If you tell her off, you come across as psycho. You lose. The only thing I can suggest is that you do nothing. If you see her again, you act cool and bounce if she tries to talk to you again. Do not kiss her ass. Be polite but try to avoid any kind of real conversation other than a greeting. It'll get her to thinking about things, at the very least. It's interesting how telling someone off has the opposite effect of what you think. They refuse to accept culpability. However, you walk away without showing anger and ignore them and they wonder what they did wrong. I'm not sure if you're trying to regain interest from her, but I don't think it's possible. The disrespect was pretty bad. If there's any hope, you have to let her gravitate towards you.
Star Gazer Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 She knows it's not cool to flake, she just doesn't care. Nothing you say is really going to change that, I'm afraid.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Really, a flake is giving you self-esteem issues? If she's a no show you don't give her anymore chances. Aren't you still going through the casual sex route? Why not move onto the next gal?
eternalsunrise Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 What can I say that will let her know that I'm not okay with the way she acted today and that she should make it up to me? When should I say it? That she *should* make it up to you? You do realize that her behavior indicates she doesn't care much don't you? How can you force someone who doesn't care to care more? My advice to you is to not harp on her about this, simply because the moment has passed and you already acted casual. That will only make her care less. Let her approach you in the future. IF she reaches out/initiates hanging out, then you will have your chance to tell her how you feel. Tell her then you aren't interested in a re-do situation. My overall point is that unless she's motivated you shouldn't say anything to her.
Author U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Really, a flake is giving you self-esteem issues? Yes. Remember one of my other posts? My "Dating Manifesto?" I believe I'm a catch. Girls should not flake on me; this girl should be tripping over herself to be with me. I cannot understand why she isn't.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Yes. Remember one of my other posts? My "Dating Manifesto?" I believe I'm a catch. Girls should not flake on me; this girl should be tripping over herself to be with me. I cannot understand why she isn't. I hardly frequented that thread.... Just let it go. As much as you are a catch, you might not be a catch for this guy. Just like Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. Who knows why some people like them and others don't.
Pyro Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Living in a dream world if you think that no girl would ever flake on you. It happens to the best of us. Show some integrity and let it go.
Author U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 My overall point is that unless she's motivated you shouldn't say anything to her. That is absolutely not an option.
somedude81 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Me (6:35) : "I dunno if you got my last message. Get back to me as soon as you get this." Her (6:39) : "Sry im just going to bed cos i have to work and have a test for school so I can't today" In my head, I'm thinking "Are you ****ing serious?" but I just played it cool on the text. Me (6:40) : "Hey no prob. I want to hear about the interview though. What time do you get out of class tomorrow?" Her (6:43) : "Oh the interview went reaallyy goooood lol and i have school then work blaaaaaaaaaah :(" Me (6:49) : "Damn your schedule sucks haha! When ARE you free?" Her (7:04) : "Thats what i ask myself lol but yeah it sucks" I'm a little embarassed to admit I was getting desperate at this point. Me (7:14) : "How's saturday night? I get out of work at 9:30." Her (7:16) : "Nope work day to night sry ill let you know ok?" Me (7:19) : "Whatev. Cya." First off all, the part that I underlined was terrible. That's when you should have told her that you're at the bar and that it's not cool to flake on you like that. If you don't expect respect, why should she give it? Now that that interaction is over and done, I'd say that you no longer have a hand to play. The ball is in her court. Unless somebody really smooth tells you what to say, there is nothing you can say that will make her want to go out with you again. I think the best you can do is ask her out again a few days from now. If she declines, next her. The ship has sailed.
Author U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I hardly frequented that thread.... Just let it go. As much as you are a catch, you might not be a catch for this guy. Huh? Just like Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. Who knows why some people like them and others don't. I want to text her tomorrow. What should I type?
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 So like I said, how should I let her know I'm not okay with what she did? I really, really, REALLY don't want to just let her walk away from this without saying a word thinking it's alright. I don't think she thought it was a "date". If anything it sounded really casual. anyway just tell her how it made you feel getting stood up. Just know that if you over react too much and try to make her upset/hurt or angry, your chances are gone for good and she'll cut you off. Think before you act .. Out..
Lilmisus Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Yes. Remember one of my other posts? My "Dating Manifesto?" I believe I'm a catch. Girls should not flake on me; this girl should be tripping over herself to be with me. I cannot understand why she isn't. Great self-esteem is a major turn on for any girl. Cockiness is not. Fuming over why she stood you up is also a turn off. You want this girl to kick herself for standing you up? To beg you to let you to take her out again? Act like you don't care (especially if you do). Like you don't think of it, or her, and you've moved on to the next one already. If a guy texted/called me, or tried to make me feel bad for what I did to him, I'd be thanking God that I got out of there before it was too late, and try to stay away from him, not ask him to for forgiveness. Yeah, you don't want to do nothing, and you don't want to move on, but believe me dude, that's the number one thing that you should do. Stop being blood thirsty (which is seriously what I'm getting here) and start being the desirable guy you think you are.
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 the one who was a minor when she liked me but is legal now Soo, how old are you and how old is she?
Author U1987 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Soo, how old are you and how old is she? I'm 23, she's 20. When we first met, I was 19 and she was 16.
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