notsure15 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 My wife has always said yes to most things we try. BUT getting past her fears of it being "disgusting" won't enable her to try it again. Married for a while and after 15 yrs once isn't enough and i'm frustrated. Is it wrong to want MORE?
Stung Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I'm a little unclear on this post. There is some sex act you got your wife to try once but she has refused to ever do it again? It's not wrong to want, but you might be wrong to expect, or to push for. I guess it really depends on a lot of things, there's not much information to go on here.
Author notsure15 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 wasn' to sure how much i could post. 2 specific acts. 1. she will not swallow 2. anal only ever happen in the shower and is uncomfortable for me and has now stopped since i mentioned it. (4 times in 15yrs frequency) she rarely if ever initiates also, and i have tried talking and it doesn't change??
Stung Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 When you ask her to talk to you about these things, all she will say is that they are "disgusting"? Does she say anything else, like maybe anal is painful for her? Does she have hangups about sex in general?
Author notsure15 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 no hang ups about sex, and yes anal has hurt her, but it is mainly the "cleanliness" thought and her imaginary block that come faced women are disgusting and something going into that hole disgusts her. she wont even touch my hole when we shower together, just the cheeks?? and this is in a running shower.
xxoo Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 notsure, do you have a generally enjoyable sex life? If so, why are you fixating on these details that are not enjoyable for her?
Author notsure15 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 i agree and i shouldn't get hung up on these things. yes sex is generally good, even if i always initiate, and i guess it is the forbidden fruit syndrome.
xxoo Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Being able to appreciate what we have, rather than fixating on what we do not have, is one key to happiness. This applies to far more than sex Practice gratitude!
Author notsure15 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 i practice "concessions" and accept short comings. i truly love my wife and the times we have, but i think i will always want more...., i understand that i can be needy and i believe she accepts these short comings of me also!
Stung Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I can understand feeling frustrated and wanting more variety, more enthusiasm, more of the particular act you like. But it's not really her obligation to provide specific acts for you that she finds disgusting and/or painful. She was game enough to try them, at least, which shows some effort on her part. It's sometimes possible to get people to view sexual behaviors in a different light, to regard them as passionate rather than dirty. The problem is how to broach this verbally without coming across as pushy. If a man is pushing for something like anal after a woman has already said she doesn't enjoy it, she might feel resentful, like her feelings are being discounted, like what she does offer is not good enough. She might start shutting down completely, as you've discovered for yourself. I think an important step here for your marriage is to reopen communication with her WITHOUT expecting it to lead to hot monkey sex immediately. My guess is your wife is feeling invalidated and pressured, and what she needs in order for their to even be a possibility of her opening back up is to feel really, really listened to. But hey, it's just a guess. Do you ever ask her about her fantasies?
Author notsure15 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 we do talk, and she is listened too. we have talked about fantasies and she doesn' have any, but has said she would like to sucking o another mans cock when i enter her from behind, and would like to look at a beautiful woman as i eat her and suck me off. but both involve me and not something specific she wants. and by the way she is catagoric she would never try it. she has taken to beautiful women in pornos so maybe the ides come from there?
carhill Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 OP, since your post/inquiry is specifically related to explicit sex, try posting in this forum for detailed responses. Have you ever included porno in your foreplay/activity? If she is aroused by visuals, perhaps that might be one path to compromise.
Stung Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 we do talk, and she is listened too. we have talked about fantasies and she doesn' have any, but has said she would like to sucking o another mans cock when i enter her from behind, and would like to look at a beautiful woman as i eat her and suck me off. but both involve me and not something specific she wants. and by the way she is catagoric she would never try it. she has taken to beautiful women in pornos so maybe the ides come from there? Those are fantasies. Anyway, I just read the update to your other thread. I have to say, it makes it pretty clear, in my opinion, that your wife is NOT listened to, not really heard. And you are never, never, never going to get her to give you more anal while you're disrespecting her feelings like that, soooo...good luck with all of this, I guess.
AVR1962 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 If she is having trouble doing more than what you are getting right now, is there any reason why you can't be happy with what you do have? Would you really want her to be disgusted by the things you want her to do and would that be pleasurable for you?
xxoo Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 we do talk, and she is listened too. we have talked about fantasies and she doesn' have any, but has said she would like to sucking o another mans cock when i enter her from behind, and would like to look at a beautiful woman as i eat her and suck me off. but both involve me and not something specific she wants. and by the way she is catagoric she would never try it. she has taken to beautiful women in pornos so maybe the ides come from there? Did she say she has no fantasies, or you? Because these are clearly fantasies. They are fantasies that she wants to keep in fantasy (not try in reality), but they are still fantasies. Frankly, you sound kind of "never happy" Understand that, if you keep pressuring her without respecting and appreciating how much fun she is in bed, she is likely stop being so fun in bed.
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