Miss_G Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Anyone who has been following my threads will appreciate what a complicated situation ex and I are in. In a nutshell, broke up 5 months ago, have a child and were off and on and are now definately off. Our families are at loggerheads at the moment with me not speaking to his parents thrown in the mix. After an incident 3 weeks ago (his dad assaulted my mum, not badly but enough!) I became uncomfortable letting them have such extreme involvement with the child. They 'take over' and I do not want that for my child. I want him to be cared for by his dad. I told ex this and suggested we have a couple of supervised visitations to sort things out and let him see his child. Ex warmed to this idea and soon started suggesting we do more stuff together. It was all going and naturally I got my hopes up. After all, ex said he was enjoying this set up and never made any attempt to solve things with his parents. Obviously, I asked him if he was still all for breaking up. He said yes, despite our days out. He said he loved me but couldn't handle a relationship right now. He said his feelings may change but may not. He said he wanted to stay friends. I was shattered. Absolutely gutted. But I agreed and detatched myself and when we went out next began pushing for a resolution telling him that once there was there was no more 'friends'. He stalled. Things have always been very above board but today he started getting flirty and making cheeky comments. I played along a little to see if there were signs of him mellowing (that's what he did last time). I received an invite to a friends party were all my friends are taking partners. He had suggested a while back he may go. He told me that I'd need to find a 'date'. It seemed to be a hint so I suggested he go with me. He immediately said "you don't want me there". I just said "you mean you don't wanna be there". He told me he would go with me but as a friend. He asked if I would like that. I said no! He told me again that he didn't want to date anyone, not just me. This is were a made a fool of mysekf. I started crying! (I have a job interview tomorrow and was stressed anyway). He was sympathic, getting me tissues. He gave me a pep talk about my interview and asked to see me and baby tomorrow. Now I feel he just thinks I'm a blubbering wreck! Will cutting contact with him really work? I'm scared because its all that's kept me going and now I'm feeling like a fool. I just want him back so badly but I can't see how
gator12 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 How can a guys miss you if you're always there. Right now he is healing with all the comforts of you being there. You are a safety net irght now, he knows he can have you any time he wants you so he's free to date whoever knowing you'll be there for him. His flirting was just that, flirting, it's really easy to flirt with someone you were once intimate with. It has become sort of a habit for most people. I know after my ex broke up with me, it was literally like we were still going out without the title. It was terrible, and then I decided to go NC. And she came back once, but I kinda screwed up the game alittle, but if she came back once she will be back again. My advice, is the strictest of NC. Literally not replying to any crumb he will send you until you get a message from him saying he wants to get back together with you. Until then you have no reason to speak to him. It will be hard, but it is the only way you will heal and the only way he can ever miss you. If it's meant to be, it will be. I promise you that. -Gator
Author Miss_G Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I will go NC with him but how do I do it when I have a child? Should I get someone else to hand him over? And just make arrangements bluntly via text?
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 The child complicates things, and for that you will essentially have to make contact with him. You have a number of ways of doing it. You could text, or talk to him in some form but keep it short and too the point, nothing but business essentially. Or you can use a friend or family member as a middle-man and that way you still maintain your NC. It's up to you, but I understand, the situation is a little more complex than most but you can work around it. -Gator
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