Jack Torrance Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 So I fell for my female friend. I started having really strong feelings for her. I told her that I really like her last month, but found out she already has a boyfriend. She admitted to me recently when we spoke that she is attracted to me (personality too, not just physical) but said she didn't really want to tell me because she thinks it will make things harder for me. I know I can make her really happy, especially when I say cute things to her. She never really speaks to me about her relationship but when I asked her out she told me that she keeps arguing with her boyfriend... And another time when I spoke to her she was having a massive argument with him. Not really sure what to do. I have not felt this way about a girl before (in other words fall for who she is as a person and deeply care about her).
Lauriebell82 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Be careful, the last thing you want to do is pressure her to cheat on her boyfriend. Don't pursue her unless she breaks up with him first. You don't want to put yourself in a situation where you are the "fall back guy." Something to think about though: she was willing to admit to another guy that she has feelings for him, what do you think would happen if she did break up with her boyfreind and you two got together. She could potentially do the same thing to you...
xpaperxcutx Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Isn't it funny that a person only likes another when they're taken? Don't pursue her until she's actually single. Be the good guy, not the other man.
smudge21 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Agreed. Let her decide what she really wants, don't be the cause of that decision as it will lead to bad things for you. Trust me on that one, been there, got the t-shirt and the mug... and the beach towel... She knows you like her so for now just be her friend, but please try not to get emotionally involved as she may never leave her boyfriend and then you'll feel terrible.
Author Jack Torrance Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 please try not to get emotionally involved as she may never leave her boyfriend and then you'll feel terrible. Too late for that
Lauriebell82 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Too late for that Then unfortunately-as much as it hurts-you will have to go NC (or at least see/talk to her less frequently) until she decides to break up with her boyfriend. It will probably hurt much more if you continue to spend time with her and pine away.
PegNosePete Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Well this may go against everyone else but here goes Go for it dude. If she cheats with you then you will know that you have no future together... "if she cheats with you then she will cheat on you". But at least you will have gotten some fun out of it. If she is a person of integrity then she will refuse your advances until she has split from her BF, in which case you can then start a relationship with knowledge that she is not a cheater. Win-win.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Well this may go against everyone else but here goes Go for it dude. If she cheats with you then you will know that you have no future together... "if she cheats with you then she will cheat on you". But at least you will have gotten some fun out of it. If she is a person of integrity then she will refuse your advances until she has split from her BF, in which case you can then start a relationship with knowledge that she is not a cheater. Win-win. It could go both ways. If he tried that tactic (which is manipulative and sneaky btw) SHE may be turned off that he is willing to make advances toward her knowing that she has a boyfriend. Personally, I would never dump my current boyfriend for some dude who has no morals. That could totally backfire in his face.
smudge21 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Depends on what you want. I know for a fact that a recent girl, who also had a boyfriend, was into me. We could've easily had sex so many times but I wanted more and wasn't prepared to share (or be the other guy). She meant more to me - not just some girl I met in a club or something. Just stay friends, but please try to accept that it may not happen. Play it cool with her, be a mate but not too friendly (otherwise you'll enter the friend zone) and make her know that you do have feelings for her... maybe even just saying simple stuff like "... oh, if only you were single..." with a smile as a passing comment. They do work. I used a similar line on the girl mentioned above. She joked to me "you know you secretly love me" and I replied "it's no secret".
Shocking Pink Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I feel for you OP. I am kind of in the same place right now and it is hard figuring out how to handle it.
carhill Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 If she's not 15 she knew exactly what she was doing when 'confessing' her attraction to you and, simultaneously, letting it 'slip' about arguments with her boyfriend. Which orbiter slot would you prefer?
Author Jack Torrance Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 If she's not 15 she knew exactly what she was doing when 'confessing' her attraction to you and, simultaneously, letting it 'slip' about arguments with her boyfriend. Which orbiter slot would you prefer? Uhm I didn't know I got a choice of slots And well she is attracted to me so... I guess it's down to whether I wait for her or not haha.
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