Author usher1310 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 thanks, its hard though i'll admit i keep going to send him a message and things but have to keep stopping myself
Author usher1310 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 i just want answers, i keep telling myself hed just lie again anyway, i suppose i wana know if he did love me, at least id know he was in pain too, i suppose i'll keeping hoping its all a mistake and everything, but i know its not
TigerCub Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) i just want answers, i keep telling myself hed just lie again anyway, i suppose i wana know if he did love me, at least id know he was in pain too, i suppose i'll keeping hoping its all a mistake and everything, but i know its not The part in bold is something that I on occasion think about too. Its been around 3 months I think since our contact staggered and its been like 5 months since we really hung out (I think, I forget exact time lines). And that thought still occurs to me. The truth is - you will never know the truth - that's the bitch about dealing with a liar - you never know when they were sincere and when they were just being their lying selves. Whether he loved you or not - the guy is unhappy, no one that's in a happy and healthy relationship would constantly keep whoring around on their SO. What does he have to be so happy about? 1 more mouth to feed, one more 18 year sentence? Less money, more responsibilities, getting more and more trapped ... meanwhile, you're single, you're hot, you're obviously smart and strong willed, you have your youth, you have the world in your hand - he KNOWS this, and if he thinks of you, I'm sure some of those thoughts will occur to him, you're free, you're free to date whoever you want, you don't have his burdens, you don't have his commitments, and you don't have the patience to put up with trash like him - you have everything he wishes he had - so yeah, when he thinks of you, he might feel pain, and jealousy, I hope he does, I hope he's miserable. So you go, and you enjoy your life, you make the most out of it - that will be your best closure, that will be your success. Edited February 10, 2011 by TigerCub
Author usher1310 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 thank you, sounds like good plan, not quite ready for it yet but im sure i'll get there
Heather1 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 If nothing else....DO NOT GET PREGNANT WITH THIS MAN!!! Having a baby to keep a man is the worst way to hold on to a relationship. I know you're done, but I also know how hard it is to be done. Be smart about what you want your future family to look like. Half siblings everywhere (that you know about) & a 60 yr old dad in HS (most likely absent) is not an easy life for a kid. Make sure he doesn't offer to get you pregnant as proof of his love. I'm not kidding, he seems to be spreading his gift.
Author usher1310 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Although i work with children i do not want any of my own i struggle with my health as it is i dont need to be worrying about sleepless nights too lol. So no i would never let him get me preg. im on the pill (for health reasons) but i know how to take it right so no way
Author usher1310 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 not thats hes ever gona get me again anyway
Hazyhead Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Hi usher. I wasn't saying my situation the same, just that there are similar issues that you have to deal with. Or not - you may be way stronger than I was. I was also concerned that you Perhaps should prepare yourself for what might be next. You don't want to have anything to do with him an if that works out for you then that's great but these men... dont take the word 'no' without putting up a fight for the 'yes' and they can be so, so persuasive. Dont tell her at this stage, not whilst she is pregnant and he might just leave you alone. It's sad for her, but she needs to focus on the baby. My telling came a long which after and many rebukes of that 'no' word. I do wish you the best but I just want you to be ready for it not to be quite over just yet - I think he will try to drag you back. Like Tiger said, go and enjoy your life and put him behind you just, for now, keep your wits about you. And if he comes back, do as FO said: observe his actions; his words mean squat. (Thanks FO )
Author usher1310 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 ok i will thank you, i must admit im being strong now, maybe cause im angry, i just hope im as strong if he does try to drag me back
Hazyhead Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 ok i will thank you, i must admit im being strong now, maybe cause im angry, i just hope im as strong if he does try to drag me back Keep posting here; we got you when you need to vent. Your emotions will vary but you do seem really strong and I'm sure he's got a fight ahead of him if he tries. You can do it, just remember how much you deserve and how far off he is from giving that to you.
Author usher1310 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 thank you, i will try my best
Author usher1310 Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 just an update. MM hasnt tried to get in touch yet. However i saw my friend yesterday who wanted to tell me the whole story of what happened now we were in person. It seems that MM and BS had had an arguement over a friend of his she didnt want him to see anymore (male friend) he said he wasnt giving up his friend so she kicked him out. He then asked if he could stay with my friend knowing she had a spare room. However once bedtime arrived he thought he'd try his luck with her instead of going to the spare room. Nothing happened. They havent spoke since. He and BS made up two days later which was then when he informed me they had spilt for a few days. MM also told friend that there was someone else he wanted to be with but couldnt go to hers incase he later got back with BS and didnt want to upset her. Again this makes no difference to the outcome but it is interesting that he only tried it with her when he was technically single.
Author usher1310 Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Apparently he also spoke about me quite alot but offered no name and she didnt know me well enough at the time to guess it was me. She does believe he fell for me although we both agree he still lied etc... so its too late.
Author usher1310 Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 (edited) I know its stupid and i shouldnt but i keep waiting for him to get in touch...hoping he'll get in touch...i dont know why...to shout at him or to make him realise how much hes hurt me and hoping that that will hurt him too or just because i miss him or just to get it over with or in the hope he would answer my questions...honestly, i dont know. I know in my head even if he came back and had seperated from her and could explain away all the other things he did or ive been told about i cant take him back...now im going through this pain i dont wana have to start it all over again at another time. I think a part of me was quite happy to end up involved with a mm because i couldnt possibly get as involved and therefore when it ended it couldnt possibly hurt as much...stupid to think i know and i didnt even realise i was thinking it at the time. there were other complicating factors that i know realise he only used to manipulate me further and is deluding himself into thinking that he had helped me by having the A with me. At least if he didnt care it was easier to understand but if he did then how could he do this to me. or get her preg again and do this to himself if he really didnt want to stay and it was all true. I just dont know. I keep swinging between emotions. I dont know what to do. All i have to do is see a pregnant woman in the supermarket and it kills me. It also bothering me no end that he can get away with treating people like this, me his bs, any other ow or bs's out there. And most of all im so angry and upset that i didnt see what was happening and that i let it happen. My friend says he knew all the right things to say and do, he knows how to play the game and how was i suppose to know. But he was is a mm it shouldnt have happened regardless. Everytime i saw him i told him this shouldnt be happening and yet i didnt stop it. Edited February 13, 2011 by usher1310
Author usher1310 Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Worse than that i confused because yes although i enjoyed being close to him i didnt enjoy the sex...maybe it was the guilt i dont know...but the main reason hes on my mind is cause well im horny (sorry). arrrrrrrggggggh
Hazyhead Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I know its stupid and i shouldnt but i keep waiting for him to get in touch...hoping he'll get in touch...i dont know why...to shout at him or to make him realise how much hes hurt me and hoping that that will hurt him too or just because i miss him or just to get it over with or in the hope he would answer my questions...honestly, i dont know. I know in my head even if he came back and had seperated from her and could explain away all the other things he did or ive been told about i cant take him back...now im going through this pain i dont wana have to start it all over again at another time. I think a part of me was quite happy to end up involved with a mm because i couldnt possibly get as involved and therefore when it ended it couldnt possibly hurt as much...stupid to think i know and i didnt even realise i was thinking it at the time. there were other complicating factors that i know realise he only used to manipulate me further and is deluding himself into thinking that he had helped me by having the A with me. At least if he didnt care it was easier to understand but if he did then how could he do this to me. or get her preg again and do this to himself if he really didnt want to stay and it was all true. I just dont know. I keep swinging between emotions. I dont know what to do. All i have to do is see a pregnant woman in the supermarket and it kills me. It also bothering me no end that he can get away with treating people like this, me his bs, any other ow or bs's out there. And most of all im so angry and upset that i didnt see what was happening and that i let it happen. My friend says he knew all the right things to say and do, he knows how to play the game and how was i suppose to know. But he was is a mm it shouldnt have happened regardless. Everytime i saw him i told him this shouldnt be happening and yet i didnt stop it. This is all natural, usher. Your anger is passing a little as you try to fathom the situation and how he could have been so convincing with you. Use this phase positively - don't, no matter how tempted you might be, contact him for answers. He wont give any to you and will only spin any attempt at communication to his own end. This guy is a true player. Or tries to be. He's not about to change any time soon; do you want that problem - a man that does this to women? At this point you should consider yourself lucky. I know that's easier said than done when you're still hurting, but you don't have to deal with him and his cr@p any more. You're free. You say you're angry that you didn't see it; trust me I know exactly where you're coming from, but don't make the mistake I did (originally) of letting him convince you back in. Learn from it and move on to better. Worse than that i confused because yes although i enjoyed being close to him i didnt enjoy the sex...maybe it was the guilt i dont know...but the main reason hes on my mind is cause well im horny (sorry). arrrrrrrggggggh Also understand this. Find other ways just an update. MM hasnt tried to get in touch yet. However i saw my friend yesterday who wanted to tell me the whole story of what happened now we were in person. It seems that MM and BS had had an arguement over a friend of his she didnt want him to see anymore (male friend) he said he wasnt giving up his friend so she kicked him out. He then asked if he could stay with my friend knowing she had a spare room. However once bedtime arrived he thought he'd try his luck with her instead of going to the spare room. Nothing happened. They havent spoke since. He and BS made up two days later which was then when he informed me they had spilt for a few days. MM also told friend that there was someone else he wanted to be with but couldnt go to hers incase he later got back with BS and didnt want to upset her. Again this makes no difference to the outcome but it is interesting that he only tried it with her when he was technically single. Read what you wrote in this post again and try to view it objectively. What would you advise anybody to whom this happened? It totally highlights what kind of man he is. Usher - you'll get there but it will take time. We're here for you. What are you up to today? Try to get yourself out of your mind for a little while; go visit friends or family... just something to put your mind in a positive place for a bit. Hugs, Hazy
Author usher1310 Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 i know your right and i knew youd say that i just wana scream though, unfortunately i tried to arrange a trip out but everyone is busy today, i was trying to do some paperwork (onlinework) but couldnt concentrate
Heather1 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Shoot, I wish you could see him for the total dirtbag he's being. Getting kicked out & being single are 2 different things, he's using his p as a divining rod or something. Plus he has a horrible track record. I read this book, "The Brain in Love," & it helps a little to know that most of this is just a chemical reaction & not really "love." When I was single & dating I'd really pay attention to how men treated me. There was a few guys I was wildly attracted to, but for some reason I was able to dump the total players pretty quickly. What would you like a LTR to look like? Don't settle for this guy, or less than you want or deserve.
Author usher1310 Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 I know your right and deep down my brain totally agrees with all of it but unfortunately the heart still wants what the heart wants...even if its not gona get its way
whichwayisup Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I know your right and deep down my brain totally agrees with all of it but unfortunately the heart still wants what the heart wants...even if its not gona get its way Just don't give into your heart and emotions. Your head and mind know better.
Author usher1310 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 so you were sort of right, a few days ago i was speaking to BS regarding the loan i gave them as she wanted my new address to send cheques, today a cheque arrived so i sent a message back on fb confirming it had come. I then recieved a message from MM who starts talking to me like nothing had changed. Wanting to know how i was cause we hadnt spoken for a while etc... ignoring my comments about the baby news. After being polite and explaining i wanted nothing to do with it all i tried to block him (fb again) however it seems there is a bug and he can still send me messgaes. FB informed there are looking into it and will let me know when it is fixed up to 48hrs they say. Great. So he wants to know how he upset me and that he didnt realise i felt this way ( that i believed he was a lying manipulative git were my words) that he hadnt done any of this to hurt me. Kept saying sorry. That he wasnt lying he only started sleeping with her after they got back together etc... Would i come back to work?....That he didnt and still doesnt want another baby...etc.etc. what a git i cant believe the guts he has. I said i would not go back to work for them, he said he understood. He He tried to reply to some of my points but skipped over others lol. I told him i tried to block him etc... All this started at 11 am and he has only now 9pm (uk times) just seemed to get the point and has not sent any more messages although i have a feeling this may just be temporary. Although this may be a set back if how i am feeling i also think this 'venting' or 'getting it off my chest' is actually going to help me in the long run get over this quicker as i will not be waiting for the first time i have to see/speak to him now.
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