Andymack Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I have been split from my ex about 6 months and the last time we spoke about 7 weeks ago it all ended in a massive war on text. It all started when I went round to pick my stuff up (as she had promised me that she would sort it out for about 4.5 months and hadn't bothered) when she wasn't there as I didn't really want to see her as i had been doing well in NC (was about 5 weeks) and was feeling better about things so went to see her sister who lives with her, but instead of collecting my stuff we chatted for ages and generally caught up with stuff so i arranged to meet her on the Monday (i went round on Friday) but she told my ex who said to come round friday and bring round some of the things that she gave me (stuff she had already said that I could keep as she had no use for like a TV and DVD player that didn't even work) just to be petty She said to come round between 4-6 on Sunday originally to pick everything up, but I still didn't want to see her so waited till about 5.45 and said I wasn't going to go round and I would see her sister on Monday. She said that she wouldn't be there and i had to go there and then to get it. I said no and asked why it was so important it was done now when it had been that way for 4.5 months. After that she just went ballistic saying that if I couldn't come round then, then don't come around. I said I couldn't and basically the whole thing ended with her saying I'm not getting my stuff back, don't come round again, I had ruined everyones holiday (she dumped me a week before we were due to go to spain on holiday with her sister her boyfriend and her parents and I was hardly in the best of moods while she pretty much ignored me) and to get past this and just be happy for the relationship we had. I sent her a text saying sorry about the holiday and that I was getting past it just fine and that I wouldn't contact her again and wished her all the best in whatever she wanted out of life and that was about 7 weeks ago and I have had no response. I really didn't want us to part ways like that and wanted us to at least be friendly, if not friends, but she seemed completely over the top and irrational over something so minor. I was wondering, as the dust has settled a bit whether it was worth trying to smooth this over and then go back to NC?
2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 It seems like anything you say will just blow it, I would keep it NC, because then at least you won't do and say things you then regret. I learned this too my friend, NC is the only option in these circumstances. If she really wants you she will get back to you but if she is just using you as a buffer to feel better (taking anger out on you) then NC on your part will put that little game of hers straight to bed. Sure she'll be angry but you shouldn't let it bother you as she is the one that dumped you and she has no right to treat you like this now. If she thinks she made a mistake for dumping you and is now angry at you for her mistakes then that is not very good is it? 2011
WindyCityGirl Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I sent her a text saying sorry about the holiday and that I was getting past it just fine and that I wouldn't contact her again and wished her all the best in whatever she wanted out of life and that was about 7 weeks ago and I have had no response. It's not worth smoothing things over. The request for friendship after someone has disappointed us or we've done wrong is a emotional ploy to feel better about what has happened. It's a game in which there is always a loser. Since you've maintained NC for several weeks keep moving, don't look back. It's probably better that way.
Author Andymack Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 It's not worth smoothing things over. The request for friendship after someone has disappointed us or we've done wrong is a emotional ploy to feel better about what has happened. It's a game in which there is always a loser. Since you've maintained NC for several weeks keep moving, don't look back. It's probably better that way. Is that bit directed at me or my ex? I've said to her that we can never be friends as I will always want more so fiends was never an option, but did want us to be civil to each other which did happen sometimes while other times she just ignored my texts It seems like anything you say will just blow it, I would keep it NC, because then at least you won't do and say things you then regret. I learned this too my friend, NC is the only option in these circumstances. If she really wants you she will get back to you but if she is just using you as a buffer to feel better (taking anger out on you) then NC on your part will put that little game of hers straight to bed. Sure she'll be angry but you shouldn't let it bother you as she is the one that dumped you and she has no right to treat you like this now. If she thinks she made a mistake for dumping you and is now angry at you for her mistakes then that is not very good is it?I'm pretty sure that she doesn't want to get back with me altho its a nice thought that she might (!) and she is just angry at herself about it. I've read somewhere that if they are still angry then they still care or at least have feelings although I'm not sure if I believe that as I get angry with people I've never met before
timchambo Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Wow had a hard time following your story, so sorry if I am way off base. But one thing I found in my break up. My ex was angry with me simply because I caught her lying. It destroyed her character in the process. She is now dating the guy she "didnt leave me for". Our last conversation was a text argument that started civil when she said she wanted to be friends, to which I responded I could never be friends with someone who did me like that. She lashed out only because I caught her. So in your case maybe she is showing anger because she feels guilt of some kind.
gator12 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 It's a fact women are emotionally compromised after a breakup, and assuming she was hurt from it her yelling at you was her defense towards you on a subconcious level. If you have no intention of being friends with her and still hope to get her back then contacting her would only set that back. You already went out with an apology so she knows you're sorry. Wait until she contacts you, and if you really want to get back together don't respond until she gets to the point where she basically is asking you to get back together. Until then stay strong. If you have no intention of getting back together and don't want to be friends, you can smooth things over. But now is not the time, give it a few months and then send a quick email or somthing, like an apology I guess. But don't do it until you are completely over her, because that is what she will take it as and if you still want to get back together it will ruin any chance. My point in all this being, don't break NC now. And depending on your situation, follow my time frame in a sense. Just my thoughts. -gator
Author Andymack Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Wow had a hard time following your story, so sorry if I am way off base. But one thing I found in my break up. My ex was angry with me simply because I caught her lying. It destroyed her character in the process. She is now dating the guy she "didnt leave me for". Our last conversation was a text argument that started civil when she said she wanted to be friends, to which I responded I could never be friends with someone who did me like that. She lashed out only because I caught her. So in your case maybe she is showing anger because she feels guilt of some kind. Sorry if its hard to follow, but there's quite a bit too it and it's quite messy as it often is in these situations. I hope this makes more sense. I don't think I caught her out with anything, but I think that she was annoyed that I went to her house as maybe she thought that was some kind of boundary I shouldn't have crossed? I think that this prompted the petty behaviour of her wanting her stuff back off me and this got my back up as she was doing it intentionally just to piss me off. It's a fact women are emotionally compromised after a breakup, and assuming she was hurt from it her yelling at you was her defense towards you on a subconcious level. If you have no intention of being friends with her and still hope to get her back then contacting her would only set that back. You already went out with an apology so she knows you're sorry. Wait until she contacts you, and if you really want to get back together don't respond until she gets to the point where she basically is asking you to get back together. Until then stay strong.I really don't think that will ever happen tbh. She's one of these girls that once her mind is made up she won't go back on it even if it's to her detriment and is very proud about stuff like this. I honestly don't think she will want anything to do with me again. To be honest I think it might have been festering for a while and this was just the catalyst for it all to come out. I think a lot of it boils downs tot the holiday we went on after we split up. I think she might have got a bit of stick from her dad (who she is always trying to impress) for taking me on holiday or splitting up with me just before it as I was a complete emotional wreck for 2 weeks and it was obvious to everyone and I don't think she can forgive me for that. She actually said in her last text that I wasn't able to be an adult and suck it up being it that situation, even tho she basically begged me to go (obviously due to guilt rather than anything else), so i think she's angry at me for that as she thought we could just be friends that went on holiday and we would a good time like nothing had happened. Anyway I think you're all probably right and there's nothing to gain from breaking NC so just gotta keep on keeping on.
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Sorry if its hard to follow, but there's quite a bit too it and it's quite messy as it often is in these situations. I hope this makes more sense. I don't think I caught her out with anything, but I think that she was annoyed that I went to her house as maybe she thought that was some kind of boundary I shouldn't have crossed? I think that this prompted the petty behaviour of her wanting her stuff back off me and this got my back up as she was doing it intentionally just to piss me off. I really don't think that will ever happen tbh. She's one of these girls that once her mind is made up she won't go back on it even if it's to her detriment and is very proud about stuff like this. I honestly don't think she will want anything to do with me again. To be honest I think it might have been festering for a while and this was just the catalyst for it all to come out. I think a lot of it boils downs tot the holiday we went on after we split up. I think she might have got a bit of stick from her dad (who she is always trying to impress) for taking me on holiday or splitting up with me just before it as I was a complete emotional wreck for 2 weeks and it was obvious to everyone and I don't think she can forgive me for that. She actually said in her last text that I wasn't able to be an adult and suck it up being it that situation, even tho she basically begged me to go (obviously due to guilt rather than anything else), so i think she's angry at me for that as she thought we could just be friends that went on holiday and we would a good time like nothing had happened. Anyway I think you're all probably right and there's nothing to gain from breaking NC so just gotta keep on keeping on. Yep just stay strong, the thing is if it's really meant to be she will be back. Love is stronger than pride, by a long shot. If not then she wasn't worth it, heal and live life. Things will only get better for you. -Gator
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