mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Have you ever gone out with someone that you think is fun to be around, but he or she is not attractive to you? I'm not even talking about someone who you think is ugly, you just don't see any sex appeal in that person at all.
carhill Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Sure, if I didn't, or hadn't, I would have gained quite the cat collection and never had any relationships or be married. There's only been two singular instances, in 51 years, where I was otherwise drawn to a theretofore female stranger. All the rest have resulted from 'knowing' them. One of the two singular instances, outlined in my journal, would become a self-imposed scourge of my existence for a generation. I'll stick to 'getting to know' people
Author mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Sure, if I didn't, or hadn't, I would have gained quite the cat collection and never had any relationships or be married. There's only been two singular instances, in 51 years, where I was otherwise drawn to a theretofore female stranger. All the rest have resulted from 'knowing' them. One of the two singular instances, outlined in my journal, would become a self-imposed scourge of my existence for a generation. I'll stick to 'getting to know' people You can have both though. Attractive people can have good personalities!
ginger337 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Actually, I have briefly, given it was one of my first relationships. He was sweet and hilarious, and I always had fun hanging out with him. After about a month we broke up, nothing to do with his looks, but I felt overall we were better off as friends.
810 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Have you ever gone out with someone that you think is fun to be around, but he or she is not attractive to you? I'm not even talking about someone who you think is ugly, you just don't see any sex appeal in that person at all. i tried once but couldn't go through it. he's not ugly. he's decent looking but i couldn't bring myself to be held or holding him. i was not sexually or physically attracted to him. he was great and fun to be around. but every time he leaned closer, i leaned away. subconsciously made me do so. so i learned not to force myself to do something that i feel like to do. if i couldn't bring myself to touch the guy, i don't think i could start a relationship with him. as for he and i, we stopped talking to each other. i agree with you on the people we find ourselves physically attracted to can have awesome and fun personality also. just have to find the right person.
carhill Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 You can have both though. Attractive people can have good personalities! Of course. I was relating that my psychology does not respond to people in that way. I related the two exceptions where strangers elicited an infatuation/attraction response. That's two of tens of thousands of encounters in 51 years. I meet objectively 'beautiful' people all the time. They're just people. Only time and interactions cause them to rise above the page. Like I said, one datapoint. Look at it this way: more potentials for you, if you're a man
Author mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Actually, I have briefly, given it was one of my first relationships. He was sweet and hilarious, and I always had fun hanging out with him. After about a month we broke up, nothing to do with his looks, but I felt overall we were better off as friends. how did u tell him u just wanted friendship?
ginger337 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 how did u tell him u just wanted friendship? From day one he was moving way too fast (not physically, but emotionally) and began to get a rather clingy and started throwing 'I love you' around way too early on in the game. That was a huge turn off to me. Also, I simply began to see him as an older brother than a boyfriend. It was difficult to do because I knew it was going to hurt him, but that's basically what I told him: that he had moved too fast than what I was comfortable with and that I viewed him more as a brother. I told him that I wanted to be friends, which sounds rather cliche but was the truth. After the inital bitterness and awkwardness, we're pretty good friends today and I still enjoy hanging out with him.
Cee Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I've never been able to successfully date people I wasn't attracted to. I've tried and even had people on Love Shack advise me not to. They were right. However, in two cases, I became attracted to them after being friends for a while. One guy turned into a terrible nightmare and was emotionally abusive. The other turned into one of the most loving and significant relationships I've had. And I was hot for them both.
bac Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Have you ever gone out with someone that you think is fun to be around, but he or she is not attractive to you? I'm not even talking about someone who you think is ugly, you just don't see any sex appeal in that person at all. As a female, I went out with many guys that I thought were boring to be around and they were unattractive to me. I also was married and my ex-husband was the guy with no sex appeal. Because there are things in guys that are much more important to women than men's sex appeal.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I've gone out with females just to have company. But I never made a move on anyone who I wasn't into or went out with someone who I know was into me where I didn't feel the same. So, it's understood that the nature of these outings was that she wasn't all that into me and vice versa. Ya never know--sometimes a woman has friends or sisters or something you might get introduced to.
Author mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Been on a few dates with girls that i'm mildly attracted to at best. But i'd never have a relationship with someone i didn't find attractive. How did you let these mildly attractive women know you weren't interested?
cerridwen Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I tried to do one of those friends-to-more-than-friends transitions. I wasn't attracted to either guy physically but thought that might change. It didn't. I couldn't bring myself to kiss one. The other I kissed and immediately felt repulsed. I told Dude 1 that I "didn't feel it" or somesuch. Dude 2 I just didn't go on another date with but was still friendly towards him. He got resentful and was mean to me.
Author mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 I tried to do one of those friends-to-more-than-friends transitions. I wasn't attracted to either guy physically but thought that might change. It didn't. I couldn't bring myself to kiss one. The other I kissed and immediately felt repulsed. I told Dude 1 that I "didn't feel it" or somesuch. Dude 2 I just didn't go on another date with but was still friendly towards him. He got resentful and was mean to me. Yea, I think the "I don't feel it" talk is probably the best way to handle it.
musemaj11 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 As a female, I went out with many guys that I thought were boring to be around and they were unattractive to me. I also was married and my ex-husband was the guy with no sex appeal. Because there are things in guys that are much more important to women than men's sex appeal. His credit card?
somedude81 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I did it once. She was overweight and I was not attracted to her at all. But I was desperate for female company. She was really forward. We almost had sex one day, making out, got her shirt off, and I didn't like what I saw. Fearing what the rest of her looked like, we just stopped. We stopped seeing each other shortly after that. Now I'm embarrassed whenever I look back at how desperate I was to lower my standards like that.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I did it once. She was overweight and I was not attracted to her at all. But I was desperate for female company. She was really forward. We almost had sex one day, making out, got her shirt off, and I didn't like what I saw. Fearing what the rest of her looked like, we just stopped. We stopped seeing each other shortly after that. Now I'm embarrassed whenever I look back at how desperate I was to lower my standards like that. :lmao: You were listening to your other " brain". I only ever go out with men I find sexually attractive. There was a guy I went out with not long ago merely to " hang out". Apparently he didn't get the message and I had to reprimand him for coming on to me.
SmileFace Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 This one guy I dated for about two weeks. He showed me the best time, I have never had such great conversations with someone . He took me on the greatest dates . We could talk for hours. He actually wanted to know me. I have not found anyone like him since . I kick myself everyday for breaking it off with him but I was not physically attracted to him. I did not find him ugly. He had the most interesting face, I could stay at it all day but I broke it off because I was just not attracted to him.... It wouldn't have been fair to him -- still kicking myself. Its kind of sad that the one guy I ever had a true connection with was a physcho-therapist. Go figure
Unsuccessful Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Unfortunately, always. The only guys who want to date me are usually ones that disgust me and make my skin crawl. I used to just go along with the flow and just be happy that someone on the planet wanted to date me, but it just got too icky, given that I found most of my dates and boyfriends repulsing. I have kind of lost motivation for dating lately. I meet great guys almost weekly when out with friends, but none of them ever want to date me.
Jazzari Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Have you ever gone out with someone that you think is fun to be around, but he or she is not attractive to you? I'm not even talking about someone who you think is ugly, you just don't see any sex appeal in that person at all. Never. If I'm not crazy about the guy to start with (physically and emotionally), then no date.
alethean Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Of course. I was relating that my psychology does not respond to people in that way. I related the two exceptions where strangers elicited an infatuation/attraction response. That's two of tens of thousands of encounters in 51 years. I meet objectively 'beautiful' people all the time. They're just people. Only time and interactions cause them to rise above the page. Like I said, one datapoint. Look at it this way: more potentials for you, if you're a man I'm kind of like this. There are few people I am initially attracted to. I used to turn down guys because I didn't have that feeling (that I've been told I should have) with them. But eventually I found out that I could develop an attraction to them after spending lots and lots of time with them. I'm definitely still young, and that can change, but so far that has been my experience.
SunsetRed Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Sometimes it's good to give someone a chance, esp if they have a personality that you like being around. At the same time, it's possible your subconcious is picking up on important clues that you are not conciously paying attention to and maybe there's a reason why you don't want to take it further with that person. Always trust your instinct.
Author mo mo Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Sometimes it's good to give someone a chance, esp if they have a personality that you like being around. At the same time, it's possible your subconcious is picking up on important clues that you are not conciously paying attention to and maybe there's a reason why you don't want to take it further with that person. Always trust your instinct. Yea I hear you loud and clear. That "gut feeling" is really accurate. It's never let me down
irc333 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) THere was this one woman I met out with some friends, she was kinda average looking, but she took a liking to me, and asked for my #...we exchanged #s and later I called her up to go out. We went out to a public event....and I noticed her "build" was kinda of androgenous (sp?)...she didn't have a curvy build that most women do. When I was out in public, I noticed other women (it was hot out) and they had "curves", even the chunky ones had great curves, a lot apple bottom jeans and tight tank tops. The clothes she wore, well, she didn't have the same "figure" as a typical woman...kind of straight up and down....she was nice...but she seemed more masculine in build than feminine. She just didn't fill out her clothes, the way a usual woman would Edited February 10, 2011 by irc333
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