Lj9116 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Hi this is my first time posting here so here goes. he broke up with me 2 months ago after a year and a few months together. We have a child together and were living together. At first we were going to try and get back together, but were fighting alot because of the breakup. So we called things off. He says there is no chance of us getting back together now. We talked about being friends like real friends that actually hang out together and talk. I said I thought that was impossible but I could see us being civil and friendly for our son. I made mention of if we got into future relationships that would make things awkward. I also said being friends can also lead somone to having more feelings then they should and can lead to getting back together. So if it isnt what he wanted then probably shouldn't do it. He says well lets just see where things go we don't need a road map? Then mentions he would make an effort to maybe start calling me and talking.. When we see eachother we have a good laugh together.. He gave me long tight hug. Not what I would call a friend hug and when I try to pull away out of awkwardness he hangs on for a bit longer. I asked him if he was dating and he says no he isn't he just dosen't feel like it.. I guess I don't understand. Then the same day when he drops the baby back off he gives me another hug before leaveing, we start chatting agin for like 5 mins and he says ok I am really leave this time give me another hug.. He says he isn't dating anyone or seeing anyone and hasn't. I think he still loves me and cares for me..When an ex wants to be done with you they normally don't try and be friends which he seems to want and the way he is around me. Do you think we have a chance for the future? Does he still love me? Is he just confused? We had a great relationship there was no cheating.. Stressful events lead to the break up.. What do you guys think? He is kind of confusing me.
notsure15 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 tell him you want him back, and you want it to work out. your beautiful child will benefit 30000%. if he is not keen to start again, call it quits and don't talk to him again. if he wants to give it a go, clearly discuss where stressful situation came from and how not to go htere or how to cope better next time. love should always be given a chance especially if there are kids involved.
Author Lj9116 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Thank you for the advice.. However he clearly stated thats not what he wants. From his actions though I thought maybe he needed more time to think about things or maybe there was hope in the future? I completley agree we should give it another shot obviously. I love him and I miss him and I know we were great together. He says he dosen't feel the same about me anymore though. I thought maybe being friends we could rekindle somthing. His phone got shut off recently. So he hasn't been able to call but if he really wanted to be friends and talk to me he would find a way I would think. I was just wondering peoples opinions on what he said. Does it sound like he may want to try again in the future? It dosen't seem like I am reading to much into things but when you love someone, it can be hard to see past the fog.
gator12 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I'm sorry but a dumper wanting to be friends with an ex is very common, no matter if they have no intention of ever dating you again. You being there for him lets him get rid of any guilt he may have about dumping you while at the same time allows him to heal with your help while you sit there and are left miserable. Your best bet right now is strict NC, if you still want him back being friends is not an option. It will only hurt you and only make it harder for him to come back. -Gator
Author Lj9116 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Really? I thought by his actions it seemed he may want another chance with me in the future. We have a child together so I can't do NC with him. It dosen't matter anyway he seems not to really want to be friends. I told him we had to be civil for our child anyway. I was hoping he would change his mind.
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 A guy can't change his mind if you're always there. He won't have a chance to miss you, I mean I'm friends with all of my exes even though I'm usually the dumpee. And they all wanted to be friends right after the breakup, most do as some way to make themselves feel better. But as dumpees we really just can't give them that until we move on. I know it's hard to do NC because of the child that definitly complicates things, but you should maintain a level of polite civility and avoid contact about anything other than him of course seeing the child. Other than that, you need to be a ghost to him. -Gator
Author Lj9116 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 Well he asks me alot how I am doing and what I am up too when he comes to pick up the baby.. Somtimes talks to me on messenger. I deleted him from facebook a long time ago and his cell is off so he can't call me.. So when he comes over is it ok that I am friendly? I don't want to be all cold and B*tchy. No one would want to talk to someone like that. Maybe I should block him on messenger? Unless I need to talk to him about the baby or money?
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Baby is an okay issue to talk about as is money, I mean you can't just get rid of responsibilities cuz of a break up so that's of course understandable. Now you don't want to act cold, but you don't want to act happy and caring. You want to be calm and collected, indifferent to the things he says about you. Make it so he can't read you easily, the less he knows about what is going on in your life, and in your head the better. Don't get over emotional, but at the same time don't be bi**hy. Indifference is the best way I can put how you should act towards him -Gator
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