Ay Diesel T Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Going to make this thread with two topics of discussion. 1. Approaching a woman on the go (you yourself, on the go) My main concern is, how to not come off as a guy who does this on the regular with the intentions of scoring a lay. Of course a single man will do it on the regular, if he's confident, but the trick is to not seem like a player. What methods should a guy employ? Nine times out of ten I get shot down/or the woman is taken. It's not a blow to my self-esteem at all, just wondering if there's men out there that see a pretty good success rate with this approach. And I'm also wondering if there are women who could provide a bit of info on how to approach a stranger without giving off that "playboy" vibe. I'll be walking about, see a lovely woman that is attractive in all the right areas for me, then I approach her. Usually the encounter goes as follows for me: -I ask to borrow a moment of her time -She either says yes or no -If yes, I ask her name, introduce myself, and shake her hand with a smile -Then from there I make small conversation about where ever it is we are, school, restaurant, etc.. -From there, if I'm getting a friendly vibe from her I ask her if she's taken/seeing someone -If yes, I thank her for her time, and wish her the best, then go about my business. If no, I suggest an exchange of numbers, and a meet for coffee/sushi so we can get to know one another in a more relaxed environment. This is the format I follow most of the time, but usually there is no success. Is there anything else I could be doing to better my chances? Ladies? Also, does level of general attractiveness have anything to do with the encounter ie. nice smile, nice body, certain clothing, jewelry, piercings, tattoos, etc..? 2: Men who play "hard to get" An older woman mentioned to me that it isn't good for a man to make "bagging" him too easy for the woman, she said just as some men don't like easy women. I understood her theory but men and women are different, so how does this approach affect a woman's level of attraction to a man? Say a cute guy is in the room or area, you've noticed him and like what you see, he's noticed you and likes what he sees. If he comes directly to you, runs the same conversation format I mentioned up above..is that a turn off to some women? Does it trigger a mild feeling of lack of security in him, as in, he's just a man who's after every woman? What if instead, the man threw you a smile or a wink, and that was all for the day but the next time you saw him, he decided to strike up a little conversation and then run the same format as mentioned up above? The first scenario the man goes right for the kill (no pun intended). The second one, the man isn't as easy, but rather takes time to make his approach, not making it so easy for the woman to land him. Does this work? Does it paint the man in more of a genuine classier kind of guy rather than some hot shot confident guy that just goes for what he likes? Furthermore, does this let the woman know that he's a bit more picky in his choice of women, ensuring her that if they do decide to take a chance, she'll be more secure with him? Really interested in a woman's point of view, in both topics of discussion. Both are about approaching a woman, but under different scenarios. One when both parties are on the go, and the other where they're around each other several days out of the week. :bunny:
Emilia Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 1. The theory of approaching women in public places is great and I know some of my friends want to try it (not many do) but I get creeped out by that. When a guy starts talking to me in a street somewhere I expect that he will either ask for money (70% of the time) or sex (30% of the time). It is also seen as a bit.... skanky to be picked up in a street by the guy, it's certain women that allow to be approached at bus stops, etc. It's not a player thing, it's a class thing - at least in the UK. If you want to chat to girls in public places then maybe the wing man approach would work because that would allow you to talk to a girl who is not on her own but with a friend and that would make her feel less vulnerable. 2. I like straight forward men who show interest. My last ex was very much a 'heart on his sleeve' type and I really liked that but then again we met under non-threatening circumstances (I stayed in the house for a couple of days where he was living at the time) and he made clear that he wanted to have a drink with me to get to know me and I was very pleased because he is lovely looking. So basically I think circumstances play a big part. I think most girls don't want to be put on a spot and be made to have a conversation with a complete stranger. A lot of people in general are not very good at interracting with strangers in a personal way.
dispatch3d Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I'm really friendly so I generally just start talking to people. At bars I end up talking to girls often. I dunno, I live in Canada so everyone is more friendly - it's probably different. I would never ask someone if I could "borrow a minute of their time". I just go into whatever thing I feel like talking about. I'd also almost never start talking about where I am (not a particularly exciting topic). Generally it's joke cracking, or commenting on something that's going on/happening. Meh idk, just being friendly and happy?
Cee Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 The way vagrants, drug dealers, pimps, cab drivers, and guy's cruising have hit on me is in this exact manner: Man: Random non-threatening comment or question Me: Respond to comment if I think it's a sincere stranger question Man: [ups the ante] Are you single? or Can I walk with you? or Can I get your number? Me: I say no and get away as quickly as possible. I have been hit on in that manner at least 50 times. Probably more than that, but I try not to dwell on it. Some food for thought.
Seamless74 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Yeah I mean some girls say they hate it.,.. other girls itll make their entire day for a nice guy to show interest.. u know? you as a man shouldnt really give a **** either way just do what you feel.. But I wouldnt recommend asking for their time instead just say you ve only got a second because your in a rush but you just had to come over and say hi.. Im curious as to the women you say you approach.. Are you getting potential signs of interest beforehand or are you just approaching them without them so much as even seeing you?? just curious... But good on you mate for even making a move 90% of guys have never even done that much... and also good move asking them for their relationship situation up front so at least u know how to proceed after that..
carhill Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I usually meet a lot of women while traveling and merely make eye contact and, if returned, make a conversational comment about our/my current circumstances. If reciprocated and accompanied by positive eye contact and/or body language, I continue. I don't care what the woman's 'status' is, at that point, as I don't see women as potential sexual targets when first meeting them. Wedding rings are easy to spot. They tend to be worn by the most friendly and attractive women. By interacting with them, I get more open and honest perspective as well as hone communication style. By viewing the interactions as a path rather than end game, life is more fulfilling. The next lady I might happen upon could be single and ready to mingle.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 If it's on the go, I usually don't get a sign from them. I'll be in the area and see a very attractive woman, so I walk over and introduce myself. Most times, if we're crossing paths, there will be a short instance of eye contact. But I really don't know how to move in off of that, especially if we're crossing paths in the hustle and bustle of people.
Seamless74 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 id say then in that case if no green light or go ahead no matter how small youd be lucky if you ever got your success rate above 10%... If however you do get some type of sign id bet with some practice you could get much better and if you got overt signals long eye contact, favorable proxemics, repeated darting glances, maybe even some one shot one kills. Unfortunately there are gonna be some situations that just arent conducive hustle and bustle, going different directions, sometimes its just not gonna happen.. I think bottom line the best way to go is to appreciate those who appreciate you.. if green lighted then sally ****ing forth.. reciprocate a females advances in public and your well on your way to playing the game..
cerridwen Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) 1. The theory of approaching women in public places is great and I know some of my friends want to try it (not many do) but I get creeped out by that. When a guy starts talking to me in a street somewhere I expect that he will either ask for money (70% of the time) or sex (30% of the time). ^I agree 100% with this. As women, we're often a bit on the defensive when out in public because of aggressive or rude men. Even if your approach is polite and your looks above average, I'm not in a receptive frame of mind. Also, if a man approaches me at say, the grocery store or an art festival, it comes off as desperate. Again, it doesn't matter how hot he is. It simply is not the right atmosphere for that kind of thing. A real turn-off. Better to approach women in a more relaxed setting made for socializing. Good luck. Edited February 9, 2011 by cerridwen
elaina Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Going to make this thread with two topics of discussion. 1. Approaching a woman on the go (you yourself, on the go) My main concern is, how to not come off as a guy who does this on the regular with the intentions of scoring a lay. Of course a single man will do it on the regular, if he's confident, but the trick is to not seem like a player. What methods should a guy employ? Nine times out of ten I get shot down/or the woman is taken. It's not a blow to my self-esteem at all, just wondering if there's men out there that see a pretty good success rate with this approach. And I'm also wondering if there are women who could provide a bit of info on how to approach a stranger without giving off that "playboy" vibe. I'll be walking about, see a lovely woman that is attractive in all the right areas for me, then I approach her. Usually the encounter goes as follows for me: -I ask to borrow a moment of her time -She either says yes or no -If yes, I ask her name, introduce myself, and shake her hand with a smile -Then from there I make small conversation about where ever it is we are, school, restaurant, etc.. -From there, if I'm getting a friendly vibe from her I ask her if she's taken/seeing someone -If yes, I thank her for her time, and wish her the best, then go about my business. If no, I suggest an exchange of numbers, and a meet for coffee/sushi so we can get to know one another in a more relaxed environment. This is the format I follow most of the time, but usually there is no success. Is there anything else I could be doing to better my chances? Ladies? Also, does level of general attractiveness have anything to do with the encounter ie. nice smile, nice body, certain clothing, jewelry, piercings, tattoos, etc..? How you explained it is good... just remember a few things... 1. Like you said, most of the time, a woman who catches your eye will be in a relationship already. 2. Most are not looking for love while doing errands. 3. I think you're doing all right, just it may be that you haven't approached the "right" one yet... as in, one who is not currently in a relationship, fits all that you want in a woman, and decides when she meets you that she wants to get to know you. 4. Just keep doing it, and maybe you'll find her that way. 2: Men who play "hard to get" An older woman mentioned to me that it isn't good for a man to make "bagging" him too easy for the woman, she said just as some men don't like easy women. I understood her theory but men and women are different, so how does this approach affect a woman's level of attraction to a man? Say a cute guy is in the room or area, you've noticed him and like what you see, he's noticed you and likes what he sees. If he comes directly to you, runs the same conversation format I mentioned up above..is that a turn off to some women? Does it trigger a mild feeling of lack of security in him, as in, he's just a man who's after every woman? What if instead, the man threw you a smile or a wink, and that was all for the day but the next time you saw him, he decided to strike up a little conversation and then run the same format as mentioned up above? The first scenario the man goes right for the kill (no pun intended). The second one, the man isn't as easy, but rather takes time to make his approach, not making it so easy for the woman to land him. Does this work? Does it paint the man in more of a genuine classier kind of guy rather than some hot shot confident guy that just goes for what he likes? Furthermore, does this let the woman know that he's a bit more picky in his choice of women, ensuring her that if they do decide to take a chance, she'll be more secure with him? Really interested in a woman's point of view, in both topics of discussion. Both are about approaching a woman, but under different scenarios. One when both parties are on the go, and the other where they're around each other several days out of the week. :bunny: Do you mean taking your time and just getting to know her as friends first? What exactly do you mean playing hard to get? If you mean being unavailable, that might work cause some women do seem to chase if the guy they like sorta withdraws, but others won't. Others will just assume you're not interested and go out with guys who are interested and are available.
Jannah Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 My sister's now husband, left a note on her car, outside of a fitness center they both frequented. The note said something along the lines of "I've seen you around <insert name of fitness center>, my name is <insert name>, I think you are very cute, I hope to see you around". That is how the two became better acquainted initially.
sweetjasmine Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I would never ask someone if I could "borrow a minute of their time". Seconded. That automatically makes me think the person is going to say one of the following: - "[sob story] and so I was wondering if you could help me out by giving me a couple bucks." - "Have you heard of [product]? It's the greatest thing ever! Here's a flyer!" - "We've got a petition here for [some random cause]. Did you know that [sympathy-inducing distorted 'fact']?" - "Have you ever thought about letting Jesus Christ into your heart?" - "We're doing a survey on [random thing], and I was hoping you could help us out by filling out [a 10 page questionnaire]." I doubt anyone has a high success rate with getting women's phone numbers by approaching them as they're walking down the street or running errands. There's a significant subset of women, myself among them, who will almost never respond positively to that kind of approach. Just something to keep in mind.
fishtaco Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Cold approaches are difficult because women are on guard. Even if she thinks you're cute, you're still outside of the guard wall. What that means is anything that's open to interpretation, she will most likely interpret it a negative way. I don't have much success with cold approaches either. I'll need something there first. A friend's friend, at a party, or something like that where she's not on high alert. What I've seen work however, is pure quantity. I hung out with a player guy. We'd be hanging out at a club, at the outside smoking/patio area, separated to the outside sidewalk by only a waist high metal railing or something (pretty common). He'd be standing there flagging down random women that walk by. He is a natural, so he has that x-factor working for him that I can neither explain nor duplicate. But he also approaches like 20 women in a hour. And he gets his successes, which is more than what I can ever achieve. As for playing hard to get, personally I don't recommend it for anyone, because it doesn't work on me. Multi dating effectively beats this strategy. When one woman starts drifting off, for any reason, I just end up paying more attention to the other ones that are reciprocating my attention.
notsure15 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 your a playa and want inside tips. be sincere, plain an simple in either situation.
mtber75 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Carry a calling card like a business card with your personal info at the back. That way she can contact you in a more appropriate time for her!
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Hmm, so most good looking women walk around in public on guard? That's crazy. That basically leaves me zero chance of getting my foot in the door. How else is a guy supposed to get a beautiful woman on the go?
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 This thread kind of confuses me in light of your self introduction: Cause of this, the need/urge to get with a woman isn't as evident, in fact, one is more laid back and non-chalant with women. I hardly chase them, and keep the compliments few..because in the back of my mind, I know that if I want a woman, all I have to do is go out and get one. Maybe some humility would be attractive on you. Or, just go buy the PUA literature, as you seem like its target audience.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Also, how come some women look down on a guy approaching them in public? A single man who likes what he sees, if anything I always thought it'd be a compliment. Sometimes it's a good feeling to put a smile on a woman's face. I remember jokingly saying "well helloooooo" to a passing beauty, didn't intend on trying to pick her up just wanted to be spontaneous and say something. My friend, behind me, asked what I said to her, I asked why, and he said cause she had a huge smile and was blushing. Stuff that like makes the approaches and such on the go a lot of fun. That small instance could make a woman's day, let her know she's got it.
fishtaco Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Also, how come some women look down on a guy approaching them in public? A single man who likes what he sees, if anything I always thought it'd be a compliment. Sometimes it's a good feeling to put a smile on a woman's face. I remember jokingly saying "well helloooooo" to a passing beauty, didn't intend on trying to pick her up just wanted to be spontaneous and say something. My friend, behind me, asked what I said to her, I asked why, and he said cause she had a huge smile and was blushing. Stuff that like makes the approaches and such on the go a lot of fun. That small instance could make a woman's day, let her know she's got it. If she's hot, and she just had 10 guy walk up to her and let her know she's got it, at the very best you'll disappear into the crowd like every other guy. It really depends on the woman. If they're in the party mood, then they could respond better. Also there's that x-factor. Some naturals can disarm women with some magic I don't understand. I can't do it, so I normally don't do the cold approach. I need some excuse to build up a bit of interaction first, or she needs to give me a sign or a cue or something. But I think you're asking the wrong question. Like I mentioned, the successful ones DON'T care if the woman is on guard or not. They go for what they like. Once they detect the woman is on guard, they politely retreat (sometimes less so. This playa guy said he has walked away from women mid sentence before, because he detected that this is not going in the direction he wanted to go). There's no point wasting your time, then go after another. But that's from the perspective an average guy looking at what successful guys do. I could be misinterpreting or not understanding how it works. Either way, the game is quantity, whether you are a player or not. That's just the underlying physics of dating that you cannot get away from. The more frequently you try, the more frequently you'll get turned down, and the more frequently you'll succeed too. But if you're trying to be more successful percentage wise. That's the holy grail that only the rich famous can achieve. I don't care how much game you have, Bill Gates will kick your ass.
LittleTiger Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 This thread kind of confuses me in light of your self introduction: "Cause of this, the need/urge to get with a woman isn't as evident, in fact, one is more laid back and non-chalant with women. I hardly chase them, and keep the compliments few..because in the back of my mind, I know that if I want a woman, all I have to do is go out and get one." Maybe some humility would be attractive on you. Or, just go buy the PUA literature, as you seem like its target audience. Just what I was thinking!
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 If she's hot, and she just had 10 guy walk up to her and let her know she's got it, at the very best you'll disappear into the crowd like every other guy. It really depends on the woman. If they're in the party mood, then they could respond better. Also there's that x-factor. Some naturals can disarm women with some magic I don't understand. I can't do it, so I normally don't do the cold approach. I need some excuse to build up a bit of interaction first, or she needs to give me a sign or a cue or something. But I think you're asking the wrong question. Like I mentioned, the successful ones DON'T care if the woman is on guard or not. They go for what they like. Once they detect the woman is on guard, they politely retreat (sometimes less so. This playa guy said he has walked away from women mid sentence before, because he detected that this is not going in the direction he wanted to go). There's no point wasting your time, then go after another. But that's from the perspective an average guy looking at what successful guys do. I could be misinterpreting or not understanding how it works. Either way, the game is quantity, whether you are a player or not. That's just the underlying physics of dating that you cannot get away from. The more frequently you try, the more frequently you'll get turned down, and the more frequently you'll succeed too. But if you're trying to be more successful percentage wise. That's the holy grail that only the rich famous can achieve. I don't care how much game you have, Bill Gates will kick your ass. Aware it's a numbers game, just wondering if there's any tricks out there to increase your chances. So far I've picked up - -Don't ask to borrow **** lol, as women are on the defensive while walking around in public. In a easy going atmosphere I'm golden, I'll bag em up all day. I want to master it on the go. Not a necessity, but it intrigues me, and I like a challenge - so MME and LittleTiger can miss me with their haterade, dump it on your keyboard instead.
LittleTiger Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 In a easy going atmosphere I'm golden, I'll bag em up all day. I want to master it on the go. Not a necessity, but it intrigues me, and I like a challenge - so MME and LittleTiger can miss me with their haterade, dump it on your keyboard instead. I have no desire to get into a 'slanging match' with you again Ay Diesel so I will just say that I certainly don't hate you. That would suggest I have some kind of OTT emotional response to you personally and I can assure you that I don't. I don't know you. I don't like the attitude or behaviour of the person you have so far presented yourself as on LS - but that's all. You have to admit that this thread does not 'fit' with your initial description of yourself - so thanks for having the courtesy to explain. I think Mme C was serious about the PUA stuff though - if you want to learn how to pick up women, 'on the go' or anywhere else, PUA is supposed to be foolproof. I don't know anything about it myself but I'm sure it would answer the question you're asking here.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I have no desire to get into a 'slanging match' with you again Ay Diesel so I will just say that I certainly don't hate you. That would suggest I have some kind of OTT emotional response to you personally and I can assure you that I don't. I don't know you. I don't like the attitude or behaviour of the person you have so far presented yourself as on LS - but that's all. You have to admit that this thread does not 'fit' with your initial description of yourself - so thanks for having the courtesy to explain. I think Mme C was serious about the PUA stuff though - if you want to learn how to pick up women, 'on the go' or anywhere else, PUA is supposed to be foolproof. I don't know anything about it myself but I'm sure it would answer the question you're asking here. I wouldn't have known what she said if you didn't quote her, she's ignored indefinitely. It's usually what happens to bitter women, they get ignored lol. No but seriously, I want to master the on the go approach, that's all really. Not to say I do it all the time, but if I'm in the mood, I'll go out there and try to snag me a hot one. If I'm successful, cool. If not, meh whatever - there will be others.
LittleTiger Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I wouldn't have known what she said if you didn't quote her, she's ignored indefinitely. It's usually what happens to bitter women, they get ignored lol. I happen to respect Mme C and see no bitterness anywhere in her posts. It's a shame you've chosen to 'ignore' her - I think she gives some very sound advice. For what it's worth - I've always found guys who tried to pick me up on the street to be rather creepy. It's what I call a 'salesman approach' - slick with charm but only interested in 'hooking' a sale. The only exception was a really gentle bloke who followed me and my friend out of a pub and blushed when he asked for my number. I didn't give it to him but I admired his courage. Somehow I don't think that sort of approach is quite your style but I'm sure it would more successful than the one you've used up to now.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I wouldn't have known what she said if you didn't quote her, she's ignored indefinitely. It's usually what happens to bitter women, they get ignored lol. Sniffle. I feel so ... punished.
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