GaelicSoul Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Hi, Im meeting my Ex Girfriend who dumped me tomorrow for coffee, after a month of no contact, i rang and asked her for a get together, she agreed to meet up. Story below http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t262599/ Im a little nervous, anxious excited but i would like to know how i should approach this, and what to avoid if possible. Thanks
marqueemoon4 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I wouldn't have any expectations that she is going to say anything you'll want to hear, she probably won't. You asked for the meeting, she's just going along with it. If she does say she misses you, still cares for you etc, just be cool about it and don't act all excited.
2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Try and keep it short and be nice, but don't mention the RL unless she does, and if she does be cooperative and don't disagree, let her lead it. I would also cut the meeting a bit short, say you've got other arrangements and leave slightly early, say it's was nice talking to her and you hope "we" can do it again sometime. 2011
Chi townD Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 my questions is, just what are you trying to accomplish here?
timchambo Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 just know that her agenda will most probably be to relieve some guilt. Oh how easy it is to be on the outside looking in. My ex texted me a couple weeks after my split saying she misses me to which I didn't respond. I know I did the right thing, but sometimes I regret not biting on that.
gator12 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 If you are trying to do this to get back together with her it probably will not work. With that said if you want to do it in the most successful way possible, keep it short maybe 45 minutes. Don't give out too much information about your personal life, act upbeat but don't get excited when she says things that make you really happy, or if she even happens to ask for another date. Oooo and thats a key, she has to ask for the next one, not you. Ooo and don't go in there expecting her to tell you what you want to hear, you will only be let down. My advice to you though, honestly, if you really want her back is to stay in NC. And I mean absolute NC, no responding to anything until she messages you saying she wants to get back together. Games don't work to get women back, and it could hurt you in the process. Idk just my thoughts. -gator
Author GaelicSoul Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Hi, Well i just want to show her that im getting on with my life, i will be in good spirits, keep cool and calm. I will tell a few funny stories, make her laugh and will let her talk when she wants too, im not going to talk about the breakup, if she does i might just say "its in the past, lets not talk about it today" If she persists i just have to listen. Im dreading the "i hope we can be friends" if i get this im going to say "Im sorry, but i dont think i can be friends with you, it will just be too awkard for me. But i do wish you all the best in the future, if you really want to talk or want to give it another shot, give me a call" And leave it at that. If things go well tonight, as in i get positive signs, then thats another story. If i get the whole "friends" routine, then ill be cool walk away and NC. If she asks me why did i remove her from FB and not contact her, whats the best thing to say?
PowerOfOne Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I'm sorry to say buddy but there is a good chance you'll get either 'it's good we can be friends' or 'I'm glad I don't have to let you out of my life completely'. Because you asked for this coffee catchup and are going to make no indication you want to talk about the breakup or getting back together she'll take it that you're quite ok being friends. You're on the express train to the friendzone... Nobody calls to catchup only to say 'I can't be friends with you'. If that was the case you wouldn't have called her! To answer your question I'd just say that you had to move forward as if you were no longer going to be a part of my life. That's why i removed you. How you're going to explain calling her to hang out I don't know. If there were positive signs to be had she would have called you. I do wish you all the best though. I hope at the end of it you have more answers than new questions.
Author GaelicSoul Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Thanks for the feedback, Well i do need to give her back a few things, so thats one reason i could say i wanted to meet up with you. To be honest, why should i bring up the breakup on the first time meeting her in a month? Thats what shes probably thinking, that im going to go on the attack tonight and say "why did u do this to me...etc " All that is going to do is push her away even more. I have to do the opposite of what shes expects im going to do. Id rather relax, catch up and look confident, then leave. Let her see what she is missing. But all im saying is if she gives me the LJBF line, then i can say im not interested, but wish her all the best. Then she has to realise, hes gone now, and hes not going to hang around on a string. I wont contact her again. We were very close, and its hard because i still love her. All this changed in the space of a month. She is a very sensetive girl, and to be honest shes very emotionally immature and has had issues in her past. Hot Cold etc. I probably will never understand her reasons for breaking up if she does bring up the breakup, i will deal with it, but i certainly wont get emotional and break down. If she opens up and tells me some real reason, great. But i really dont expect her 2.
TakeMeasIam Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Thanks for the feedback, Well i do need to give her back a few things, so thats one reason i could say i wanted to meet up with you. Poor excuse for meeting, when you could just get someone to drop them round for you. And if you're having to think of reasons to give her for meeting her - you're grasping at straws and are most definitely not as over things as you'd like to think you are. To be honest, why should i bring up the breakup on the first time meeting her in a month? Thats what shes probably thinking, that im going to go on the attack tonight and say "why did u do this to me...etc " All that is going to do is push her away even more. I have to do the opposite of what shes expects im going to do. Id rather relax, catch up and look confident, then leave. Let her see what she is missing. Tell her when you meet her that you had to re-schedule a dental appointment due to a double-booking (fault of the clinic) and you only have 15 minutes. This is more than enough time to cover anything you need to say, but not enough time ever, to cover "places you shouldn't go to". But all im saying is if she gives me the LJBF line, then i can say im not interested, but wish her all the best. Then she has to realise, hes gone now, and hes not going to hang around on a string. With the above, she won't have time. And if she suggests meeting again in that case - look blank, and ask her, "Why would we want to do that?" I wont contact her again. Good job. We were very close, and its hard because i still love her. All this changed in the space of a month. She is a very sensetive girl, and to be honest shes very emotionally immature and has had issues in her past. Hot Cold etc. I probably will never understand her reasons for breaking up You don't need to. It's a done deal. Analysis keeps you stuck, as does the desire some people have, for 'closure'. Let it go. And her emotional immaturity is no longer your bag to carry. if she does bring up the breakup, i will deal with it, but i certainly wont get emotional and break down. If she opens up and tells me some real reason, great. But i really dont expect her 2. Don't even let it get to this stage. keep it short, sweet and controlled. The less you care about what her agenda is, the better you will feel, and the more in control you will be.
PowerOfOne Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Ok, well you can always fall back on the 'Here's your stuff - Have a nice life' if you see yourself slipping into the friends zone. It's hard, believe me I know what it's like to want to show her how well I'm doing. How I'm actually living all those things that I chased last year. But I owe her nothing now that she walked out. I'm doing great because of me, not to impress her or anything like that. I know that she bailed on something that was great and was going to be so much better. Eh, her loss. I'll share it with someone who deserves it now. She may or may not regret it in the years to come. I honestly hope things go well for you. I'd just hate to see you come back and it has torn it open again. Just be you. Good luck buddy!
Author GaelicSoul Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Well i just got a text saying "hi how are ya, ive been thinking, is there a reason you want to meet? i dont think its a good idea to meet up." Should i reply or just leave it be now.
darran Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 oh bad news mate... leave it. I got that one from an ex ex. Don't meet. She isn't interested.... not yet anyway. I would bet my left hand on this! Maybe I am wrong though
PowerOfOne Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 She doesn't sound that keen. Maybe because she doesn't want to give you some false sense of hope. If you really have things to give her I'd reply with "I just wanted to give you your things. It'll only take 5 minutes." That's all you really want. Sounds like you were only fishing to see if there was still anything there anyway. You can do that in 5 minutes. If she still doesn't sound keen just say 'Well i'll leave them out somewhere safe and you can get them when I'm out.'
Chi townD Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Yep! I would file this one in the dumpster. She's not interested and even if you do meet up with her, she will be completely on her guard and it will be very awkward. Text back, " You know what? Nevermind. It really wasn't that important." Then go NC
marqueemoon4 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Well i just got a text saying "hi how are ya, ive been thinking, is there a reason you want to meet? i dont think its a good idea to meet up." Should i reply or just leave it be now. hrm.. she's probably right. i know, you probably want to see her really bad but again you're not going to get what you're looking for. I would just say "ok" and leave it at that.
Author GaelicSoul Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I replied "ok" and thats it. Even if she replys im not going to answer. Enter NC Thanks Guys, ill be fine.
TakeMeasIam Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Get a pal to deliver her stuff back off to her. then there's no further reason or excuse to get back in touch with her. Good job too. When she begins throwing you breadcrumbs again, you can say - "I do believe I sent all your stuff back, so why exactly are you contacting me, again?"
Author GaelicSoul Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 She just replied, "im sorry, i hope you understand" Yeah get somebody might pop over some evening, and just leave it outside her house. Im not going to reply
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Stay in strict NC until you are either moved on or she says the words "I'm sorry I wan't to get back together with you." She will most likely contact you again later since you didn't reply to her apology and she will most likely contact you just out of curiousity, just remember not to bite no matter what she says. Even if it's what you want to hear you should still wait a day or two before replying. Good Luck man, I'm sorry to hear it, but as of right now she isn't worth it Stay strong -Gator
Author GaelicSoul Posted February 11, 2011 Author Posted February 11, 2011 Thanks Gator, I think its sad that after going out for nearly 3 years, then being dumped out of the blue, she couldnt even meet me for a coffee by cancelling in the last mintue. I have a feeling her friends had a word with her. Who cares anyway. im not going to contact her.
Author GaelicSoul Posted February 17, 2011 Author Posted February 17, 2011 Hi Guys, Hope you are all well. Just feeling really sad the last few days, dont worry i havent contacted my Ex. Went on a date on Valentines night with a girl, she even initiated it:cool:, had a nice night and we kissed, however my heart really wasnt in it, and the last thing i need to lead anybody on. I still miss my ex and love her. However Im trying to keep myself busy with music and gyming, but its so hard. Im angry because i will never know the real reasons she fell out of love with me. And As i havent heard from her since i probably will never know, all i can do is get on with my life. I dont understand how some people are so selfish. I know i need to get out and meet people, and i do want to meet a really wonderful beautiful girl in the future. But its so hard shaking off this off. Gaelicsoul
2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) She just replied, "im sorry, i hope you understand" I'm glad I read this it just reminds me why I need to stay in strict NC mainly to preserve my own sanity. Starting to feel better and starting to talk to another girl now so we will see where that goes. And no it isn't a rebound I been single for 3 1/2 months now (1 and a half NC) and feel over it now. I know i'll never hear a peep from her every again so why even bother worrying about it? 2011 Edited March 4, 2011 by 2011
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