IM5150 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Hey everyone, I've been dating my now x-girlfriend for almost 4 years now, we're talking a break from the relationship to focus on other things at the moment but we still hang out together and we are very intimate except we aren't having sex at the moment. I've shown to her that I'm interested in taking it back to that level again when she's ready for it. Right now she's very deep into meditation and spirituality and I think it's starting to control her life. The other day we had a long discussion and she confessed something to me that she hadn't told me. She said that at 17 years old she was drugged and raped by two different people. She s now 28. I was in shock and felt very bad to hear that this had happened to her. She never told anyone about this. I would like to understand how this affects someone moving forward in their life? Might this have something to do with her not wanting to have sex right now? We haven't had sex for almost 4 moths after we broke up. I know she's not seeing anyone else, I'm just amazed that's she's been able to go this long without sex since we use to love having sex all the time when we were together. Could her past experience be coming back to haunt her?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 Sexual abuses that happen much, much earlier than 17 would be much more likely to leave the deepest, most prominent scars. This girl was drugged and raped... and in many scenarios she could have been the unusual victim who really was, at 17, being sexually victimized for the first time. We'd probably need much more info to really suss out your answer.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 I remember your story well, and went back and looked at your posts. You may want to go back and reread them. All of them. You'll see one glaringly obvious thing: she never loved you as much as you loved her. Sexual abuse or not, I don't think that is the reason she 'went off' sex. I think she is probably just 'done' with the relationship in general except for the last vestiges of friendship and comfort she gets from it. She may have told you this (true or not, no one can really know) to keep you from continuing to focus on sex with her.
seren Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Hey everyone, I've been dating my now x-girlfriend for almost 4 years now, we're talking a break from the relationship to focus on other things at the moment but we still hang out together and we are very intimate except we aren't having sex at the moment. I've shown to her that I'm interested in taking it back to that level again when she's ready for it. Right now she's very deep into meditation and spirituality and I think it's starting to control her life. The other day we had a long discussion and she confessed something to me that she hadn't told me. She said that at 17 years old she was drugged and raped by two different people. She s now 28. I was in shock and felt very bad to hear that this had happened to her. She never told anyone about this. I would like to understand how this affects someone moving forward in their life? Might this have something to do with her not wanting to have sex right now? We haven't had sex for almost 4 moths after we broke up. I know she's not seeing anyone else, I'm just amazed that's she's been able to go this long without sex since we use to love having sex all the time when we were together. Could her past experience be coming back to haunt her? The fact she is only now telling you that she is a rape survivor after a 4 year relationship suggests that something has happened to bring it to the fore. I am not saying that is the reason you are both not having sex at the moment, but when I disclosed to my H, we had been seeing each other for about the same time, he was the first person I had told some 15 years after it had happened. Has she started a psychology course or something that has propted her to look at herself and her life? the meditation and introspection suggests that she is trying to make sense of herself. I may be wrong, I have worked extensively with rape and SA survivors and experienced some pretty dire stuff myself too, Often, when the past is reopened, there can be a time of looking inwards, sort of like putting a protective shell around yourself (general). Have you spoken to her about how she is feeling, not the lack of sex, but her feelings about herself. It can change a person, it is liberating to have it all out in the open, but it is a time of soul searching and working through too.
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