Emma29 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Hi everyone! I'll start from the beginning...16 years ago when I was just a teenager in high school. My true love at the time was someone I was head over heels in love with. We stayed together about a year and a half, then went our seperate ways. We had no REAL problems, we were just young and didn't know any better. Very common at that age. Fast forward, we lose touch. Some time goes by, and I end up marrying someone I thought I knew very well. Boy was I ever wrong. He went from saying he loved me to confessing that he had been cheating on me for months. I had no idea because he worked a lot of "overtime". There were many other things he did as well, but let's just focus on the cheating for the sake of keeping this shorter than 5 pages My husband and I seperate and then divorce, as soon as our state allows us to. I went into therapy to work on moving forward with my life. I was crushed to say the least, and therapy helped me to get my life back together. Once my therapist said it was "safe", I dated a few people, but never became serious. Just never found the right one. Fast forward a little more, and I hear from my high school sweetheart via Facebook. We hadn't spoken in years. He, too, had gotten married and was no longer with his wife (he also had been cheated on). We talked for hours and hours for months, and eventually got back together. Fast forward one more time, and now we are happily living together-for the most part. We are extremely serious about eachother, and have a wonderful relationship. We talk about marriage and children, once I finish school in a few years (career change!) I'm not saying that we never fuss, because of course there are little things that come up occasionally, but we only have one major problem: I am extremely insecure. I constantly question him. I worry about him leaving/cheating on me. He's never done anything to deserve this, and when I tell him about it, it drives him crazy (and rightfully so!). He is an amazing person, and is very understanding, but I sometimes take it too far. I hate to take out my past on him, as it's not his fault. He understands there will always be some insecurities on my part, luckily. However, I tend to bug him about it too much. Unfortunatly going back to therapy isn't an option for me at this point (insurance/money), so any advice would be appreciated. It's time I leave the past in the past (even though I know it'll never go away completely), and make sure that I don't screw up my relationship with the guy of my dreams. Thanks for reading!
TaraMaiden Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 if therapy is really out of the question, get a rubber band and put it round your wrist. Every time you notice yourself falling into old thought-patterns, snap the band sharply against your inner wrist. You have to change your conditioning. The only person who can actively change the way you think - is you. It's the first skewered thought you have to catch, or else it just snowballs into a carefully-woven but totally imaginary and completely inaccurate story. See the first thought. Then - stop it in its tracks. Our fears are fuelled by the lies we tell ourselves.
What_Next Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Talk, talk and talk some more. Learn to communicate effectively. That's the key. Time will eventually heal this. It's likely hard on him not only because he might feel as though you're accusing him of something he isn't doing, but likely because of his own painful memories. You are going to have to learn to let go of these fears. It won't be easy. Perhaps it can be helpful to focus on specific triggers that cause you to feel like he is up to something. Break this issue up into smaller items that will be easier to work on.
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