NYY5 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I'll try to keep this as short as I can. To sum it up, my ex-girlfriend and I have been talking, hanging out again, and it looks like things are heading in the direction of us getting back together. But she told me she wishes I was more romantic during intimate moments. I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about moments like cuddling, or laying down together, stuff like that. She told me she is "old fashioned" and that women like to hear how men are feeling and what they're thinking during those moments. She told me that of course she knows how I feel about her, but she likes to be reassured in those kind of moments. Romantic things like, "I couldn't live without you," or "You're so beautiful." I've always been very shy, in some ways, even with people I know well. I might be thinking and feeling all these things, but when it comes time to look her in the eye and say it, I have a hard time finding the words and saying them. I want this to work out, and I do want to be with her again. I just don't want to feel like I'm not giving her what she wants in this. Saying, "Well, just tell her what you're feeling and it will come easy to you," is easier said than done. I just need to know how to be more romantic and more open. I've been single for over 4 years, so I'm kind of rusty with the whole relationship/romance thing.
ShatteredReality Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Start with easy stuff. Forget the "I love you and can't live with out you" for right now...start with something else...."I love how your hair looks right now...the way it's laying on your face" Or "that outfit you had on today was really nice - I like when you wear things like that" Or other thing like that - NOTICE something about her and then TELL her about it. That's all we wanna hear...I mean - we want the big stuff too, the stuff we don't expect to hear you ever say to another woman as long as you live...but the little stuff goes a long way too. "I love your eyes" Simple - honest - and you're not putting anything on the line. Think of it as practice for the big heavy stuff you're afraid to say right now. Trace her lips with your fingertip...and tell her you love the shape of her mouth....Now if you always only concentrate on the physical she'll notice eventually...but right now, it's a start - and it's safe. It's a place you can come from honestly without putting anything on the line really...and if she makes mention of the fact that you are saying the little stuff you can tell her that you're trying and making an effort...and to be patient...but also it probably means you've been doing it for awhile and need to move to some deeper stuff...
Saphira Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 yes i agree. start with the easy stuff. I am a woman and i have the same problem as you do. but i have learned some ways to kind of work with it for my boyfriend. Yes us women love to hear what your feeling, espeshally in those moments. "i love you", "you are so beautiful" "when i look at you i see my future" ect.... but if it is difficult, try writing. thats what i do. When it comes to out right saying things i am horible. So i write and send texts. you can pour your heart out in a lovely letter, or quick message to start. telling her what she means to you, and all of that. and it gives you time to say it exactly how you mean it. and then from there you will be able to say it in person. it works for me. i have found that after writing things, and letting him know how i feel, its not as awkward when i say it in person because i have already said it before, just in writing. so i would suggest you start out with a letter. and then move from texting, i say letter first because texting usually gets an instant reply. and she may be the person who calls you bacl instead of texts. so write a letter and one day when she is over, cuddle with her, then hand it to her and ask her to read it. you can even start it out wit "baby, im not quite good at expressing my feelings and emotions verbally yet. but i hope you can work with me, and i just wanted you to know how much you truly mean to me..........." and then finish it with your heart felt words. If she loves you she will be very happy with even a letter. and then you can move to texts, and eventually be able to look at her and utter those beautiful words you feel inside. good luck! =]
ShatteredReality Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Saphira is on to something there - letters and stuff are great too! I love getting little cute or romantic texts...sometimes, I will write him a letter while I am at work and mail it to him...We've been married over 10yrs so sometimes the letters are pretty racey about all the things I'd love to do to him or have done to me...but it's the thought that matters most. I think it's the knowing that you were thinking about the person and this is what you wanted to say...that sort of thing...he loves his letters...I love getting text messages two rooms over when he's looking at me and just says "You're so cute" and stuff like that...and I love hearing it when I am leaning against him...and the big stuff - I love it too, but honestly, it is the little things that keep our spark going more....the big things keep the love and the little keep the spark...in the beginning I think you need one to make the other - after while things can change....
Feelin Frisky Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 If you just be attentive it should be natural what is appropriate to say and how to say it. But if you are letting yourself drift into your own world you'll find things harder. Stay close but also stay connected. Intimacy is give and take on a very tight little level. There are a lot of ways to "lead" at those times so that the other person doesn't feel neglected or abandoned.
Author NYY5 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 I find that interesting, because she also mentioned something about feeling "abandoned" and I wasn't sure exactly what she meant. So what do you mean by that?
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