Pretty weird break story.

[packers393]

So, I guess i'll start from the beginning. im 19 years old and a freshman in college. I started dating this girl last year, a little over a week ago I went over to her house, to pick her up for my soccer game, when I got there I already knew something was wrong. I ended up skipping my game in order to figure out the problem, she was barely speaking, and the kisses just seemed Blah. After a while, she blurted out something about not being happy for the past two weeks or so. I asked her why, she said she didn't know. my grandmother also passed away about a week before this, so maybe my sad mood was bringing her down. For the next few days we didnt speak much. We went on a date a few days later, it was awkward we barely spoke, I didn't attempt to touch her or anything. But when we go to the car, we talked, alot. There was crying, kissing, talking, but she still said she wasnt happy, and she didn't know why. By the time we got to her house, we stated talking more about what was wrong, more crying, kissing, she said she was feeling a bit better. We went inside and talked more, I mentioned something about when we first met, kissed her really hard, and she was all of a sudden happy... Like REALLY happy for the rest of the night. She then warned me that, due to the fact that she became happy so quickly, she could quickly become unhappy again.. This left me worried, I called her that night when I got home (stupidly) to talk more, she seemed fine. The next day(two days before we were to go out for our one year) she said she woke up feeling the same way, and that if I agreed to it, we would take a break. When i said I didnt want one, she said well, I feel like if I don then later one i'll just want to end it all together. I reluctantly agreed. She wanted to stay as friends for the time being. I tried to not contact her, but she contacted me, telling me she had been accepted to the same college as me, and was going... I called her, congratulated her, and that was it. By that saturday I caved, I called her very upset, asking why we needed this break, and why we couldnt just work through it(bad idea). She got mad at me. One thing i forgot to leave out is that her step-sister who has alot of influence over her is jealous of the time I spend with her, and suggested the break, as well as told her that "Relationships at this age should be ALL fun and NO stress". I asked the girl if I could come get my things, and she replied, Idk yet. I have not contacted her in 4 days, and have been working out and trying to keep busy as much as possible! there is alot more details that i could throw in but frankly, im confused and tired! she did also mention earlier on, that she wanted me to "help her" or "fix her" I didn't know how to respond. Saturday she said it was still a break. Also alot of people have been questioning her on Facebook and not being very nice, I told them to stop, but she just got a bit angrier at me :./ Meanwhile I have gotten a nice haircut new clothes ect.. and have realized why she was feeling unhappy.

Edited February 9, 2011 by packers393
additional news

[packers393]

I forgot to add that any input would be great!

[gator12]

You're young packer, I've been there before. Honestly women are going to have doubts at that young of an age it's in their nature. You are close to one year so of course it's hit her, "this is pretty serious now, is this what I want? etc". My only advice to you right now is to back off, this is something only she can sort out any communication with her would be detrimental. Giver her some time, until then don't respond to ANYTHING she sends unless it involves ending the break. Right now you should try and look for problems in the relationship etc while you have time, because I'm sure it wasn't completely perfect. For now just enjoy yourself, when she's ready she will come back. The smartest thing to do when a girl asks for a break is to give her just that. If you do one of two popular alternatives : Fight it: you may stay together but the issues wont be dealt with and it'll be a full blown break up in a few months. Or two, begging nad pleading after agreeing, which will only scare her off.

 

Right now she will deal with all of her problems, you need to take an objective look at the relationship and find out some of your flaws in it too and try and fix them. Ooo and don't ever tell her you've fixed them, let your actions show it. If you do this right and really make an attempt to better yourself during this break the relationship will come back even stronger when she comes back.

 

Stay strong, I know it's hard I'm in the same situation with my ex except it's an actual breakup because we never took a break when we should've and when we did it lasted only a week and nothing got solved. We got back together and less than a month later we broke up. Now that I look back after 3 months of being broken up I have realized all of the issues on my part and have bettered them for my sake. And should we get back together the relationship will be stronger.

 

-Gator

[Chi townD]

I hate to say it, but a lot of times " Taking a break" usually means "breaking up". It sounds like she has a lot of people in her life that are influencing her to break it off. Are you sure there isn't anyone else involved or if she interested in someone else. Just seems strange that she shut down that quickly....

[packers393]

Thanks a lot for all the advice! i'll keep you updated. As of now, I have been doing strict no contact, working out, playing soccer and tennis. Over the past few days I have been thinking about what I did wrong, as it turns out, I did alot wrong :./ Frankly, I think I was too nice. I would get mad if she cancelled plans with me. But other than that I showered her with compliments(wrong thing to do) I also sometimes ditched my friends just to be with her(also wrong). Lastly, I would skip classes if she was sick just to bring her food from her favorite restaurant. All in all, I guess you could say I turned in to a wuss :/

[packers393]

I do not think there is anyone else involved. I am her first everything. She told me when I asked right off the bat, that there was no one else involved and she just wanted some alone time... I trust her, so I have no reason to believe that there is. Also, she is generally a shy person when it comes to guy's, so that's another reason I believe that there isn't anyone else.

[gator12]

I do not think there is anyone else involved. I am her first everything. She told me when I asked right off the bat, that there was no one else involved and she just wanted some alone time... I trust her, so I have no reason to believe that there is. Also, she is generally a shy person when it comes to guy's, so that's another reason I believe that there isn't anyone else.

 

Being a girl's first means alot to most girls. Well not all these days, but if you're dating a nice girl it really is special to them. I was my ex's first as well and it meant a lot to me so that's just something playing in my and your favor. But yea, look for all of the problems you made and try and fix them. But remember, it's a two way street. If she comes back you guys are going to have to communicate and deal with issues on both sides or a second chance will not work. The same issues come up the second time 90% of the time which is why they don't work out. No one changed and the relationship is basically destined to change.

 

But yea, until then follow my advice and stay in STRICT NC. You're doing good so far, so keep it up

 

-Gator

[packers393]

I didn't realize how many people were in the same situation as me! I can already tell im changing. I am becoming a lot more confident. The real problem, I believe, was my lack of self-confidence/being insecure. Anyways, thanks for all of the great input, and good luck with your ex!!

[packers393]

Her birthday is coming up on the 19th, I was thinking about sending a card, is that a good idea?!?!

 

 

Help! haha.

[gator12]

Well I'm gonna guide you through the thought process right now.

 

Right now you are in NC, showing her you can live without her and that your thoughts don't revolve around her (no matter if they do or not, all that matters is what she thinks.) The instant she sees that care one of two things will happen

• Less Likely, she will realize the mistake she made and come back
  
• Way more likely, she will know that you are still there waiting on her.
  

Sending a message during a birthday is debated for that very reason, she can't know you're still waiting for her, it defeats the purpose of no contact. Some people will argue a simple text message is okay, saying "Happy Birthday" and nothing else. Idk which side I fall on, but if you choose to message her, that text alone will suffice. She won't be able to call you immature, and at the same time you sent a text which doesn't require a lot of effort showing that you really aren't still waiting.

 

-Gator

[packers393]

A text it is! No Facebook wallpost though haha

[lovesparis]

i'd send it a day late, like an after thought. but don't put belated.

 

but i'm a jaded bitter person.

[gator12]

i'd send it a day late, like an after thought. but don't put belated.

 

but i'm a jaded bitter person.

 

Lol I can understand that. No I suggest in the middle of the day at your convinience. Don't send it too early or too late, just at a random time. It doesn't really matter, if she replies a thank you or anything, do not reply. All you need to do is send the text and that is it.

 

-Gator

[packers393]

I feel as if I send it, then don't reply, she will keep texting me, that's when I do the ignoring :,). Thing is, I feel like she could contact me before her birthday even comes. If I ignore her before her birthday then text her on her birthday O_o That makes me look kinda bad haha

[gator12]

If she does before your birthday then yea I wouldn't text her on her birthday. It would contradict everything you're going to do this week until then.

 

-Gator

[packers393]

Quick question: How do you send Pm's? and if you can't do people use MSN or anything on here haha?.

[packers393]

Her mother contacted me today VIA Facebook, just some wallposts on my status. My ex, has texted me twice lately. One text saying "hey" and then another saying "hello??" I didn't bit. She then liked a random wallpost of mine, im not sure why. Her birthday is on the 19th, I am going to send a happy birthday text, what should I do if she responds? I was figuring that I would wait a day or two then respond. If the conversation gets good, I was also thinking about asking her to lunch for the next weekend. I mean, her intention for this break was; " I need some alone time, im confused and I need to figure things out, I feel like this will be the best thing for our relationship" The plan was for us to meet again... And when I asked if I could get my stuff from her house, she told me not to.

 

 

Thanks.

[packers393]

Any advice??

[packers393]

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Edited February 17, 2011 by packers393